I sent Millertime here a private message responding to some very rude comments he/she/it made towards me in one of my threads. I thought it was the mature thing to do it privately rather than starting some public feud that isn't helpful or interesting to anyone.
The only reason I'm posting this is because Miller made it out to be worse than it was in an attempt to make it look as if I was harassing him/her/it with terrible private messages...you can decide for yourself if it was warranted or not.
Originally posted by Miller2 "Interesting.... you say you like it here, this seems like a meeting to you... then you call us "know it alls". No wonder you dont think youd like meetings. You know what? Your not the least bit serious about getting sober. Everything from your Nic to your Avitar says so... "
Wow, I cant begin to tell you how fortunate I feel to have gotten the attention of someone who is obviously as important and knowledgeable as yourself. I mean you must be a great human being with a special gift for seeing into the hearts of men...how else would you be able to look into my soul and determine all that I am and all that I ever will be from just a few posts on the internet? I dont like to toss the term "god-like" around lightly but I think in this case it might be appropriate...
Listen bub, just because you walk around in a depressing stupor because life handed you the shitty end of the stick dont go busting my balls because I take life a little less seriously. You dont have the foggiest idea of whats in my head or my heart and you should be ashamed for thinking otherwise. Isn't there something in the big book about arrogance and the dangers of it? I suggest you start worrying about yourself before you start casting judgement on anyone else.
Yknow, you've been on and off the board for months now. I remember when you posted after being sober for a good while, and how supportive and happy everyone was. I believe that what you are hearing, both the support and the tough love, is coming from people who care what happens to you. Youve been around enough to know that people "calls it like they sees it". And you do keep coming back no matter what (and I think that's great). Bottom line here is, if nobody cared, you wouldnt get any response at all, regardless of what kind it is. We're all here trying to help, in whatever form we know how. LIke somebody else said, take what you need, leave the rest, but take it to help you stay sober, eh? a big hug, Wren
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Dear Sir, Wren is right. No one on this board is out to hurt you. We extend to you those ways in which you can find sobriety. When you yourself ask for these things you must also take into consideration what is being said back to you. I believe it was Ironman who more or less had said it is sage advice to close the mouth and listen. There was a gentleman in my community who for years it was thought was a kind gentleman. He had been my school bus driver about Jr. High age. He spoke of his daughters and son. Asked if I knew them? At the time all I knew he was a barber and drove the bus for my route. In HS....his son was in my class. He was funny, witty, smart, and ooooohhhhh so good looking. I didn't know when I began dating my AH that he was a cousin to AH. One night I got a call....the cousin needed somekind of help. J was going to his home. J didn't say what it was about and it wasn't questioned. Not much thought was put into when the route was driven by others. Then one day going through town some kid on the bus noticed him "walking" on the sidewalk and made a crack about "Ole 'so-and-so' must've been out drinking all night. Look at him stagger." Everyone laughed. I could not believe it. It bothered me so much so I asked my AH if it were true. The answer was yes. He further informed that was the reason he had been with his cousin so many times breaking dates. Many years after I became a member of the family, it was revealed how this gentleman who had always been so kind to me was very very 'mean' to his family when he drank. He destroyed furniture, called them names, put down everything and everyone. When he got in that mode my father-in-law was usually called to "settle him down". The cousin got into to drugs to "mask the pain" Witnessed times when he came to visit us that nothing he said was coherent/made no sense. He had all these brains and talents and good looks ...... all sopped in that alcoholic mask. It all stemmed from what/how his father treated him. In time his wife did leave. They spent serveral years apart. The whole time he continued to drink. (And yes so it was told he flirted and 'could charm the knickers' off.) It is unclear, what made him decide he had had enough. He did stop. He had to "earn" trust back within his family and it did not come instantly. He and his son made amends. Started a carpentry business and built homes togethor. Short of something like 5 years sober.......his son found him at the newest project site. Cardiac arrest. The point of this all: there are angry overtures coming to surface. The very people who are trying to help you are breathing fire upon. This was the case with this family member in my story. He spewed venom so often that they left him alone. They point blank "called a spade a spade" . He got angry, didn't want to hear their message, didn't want the help. He blamed everyone and everything..... Called them names...... He "judged them"...... They left...... They had to in order to survive. Yet they still LOVE and CARE for him in their hearts. God only knows how trully painful my own journey has been in coping with this disease! I still LOVE and PRAY for AH even though we are separated and he lives in that life. I can guarantee that I will no longer shield him or anyone else from the consequences. He was mentally abusive, blamed, named called. I got angry as well......it proved only to add to his "drinking thinking". He left...It hurt like hell because that is exactly what it was.....HELL!!!! Yet I did something poured myself into my own healing. Read and read and read the 12 steps ..... talk to others who had been in my situation. In the beginning stages vented some angry words back at a friend.....my heart knew she was right....my head wasn't listening to what the ears were hearing. They were at the time what was felt like harsh criticism. However, when I closed my mouth and LISTENED ...... things got better. Yeah it feels like the whole world is against you, and everyone is "picking one me". You came to us, the members of this forum, not the other way around. Yet when replies were given here comes FIRE. From first hand experience that tactic will not work. WE HAVE ALREADY BEEN BURNT BY THOSE FIRES FROM OUR OWN ACTIONS WORDS AND EXPERIENCES WITH ALCOHOL. We did the work, used the program, and we attempt to help others. We are stronger and wiser, not necessarily "know it alls" or "god-like" or even "Einsteins". WE WERE YOU!!! Wren had one of the most enlightening posts I have ever read awhile back. It had to do with "Who am I?" Off hand can't remember the post title. Should be somewhere on pages 2-4. Read it and think about it....... Reread it and think about it .......and read it again. In summation, when one points a finger remember on that hand that there are 3 pointing right back in the person directions. Perhaps the problem here isn't us.
