My parents just came over to see me and I supposed staged some sort of an intervention. They think I am an alcoholic and want me to go to a meeting with them.
I agree with them that I have been drinking too much lately. They saw my fiance whom I live with today and I think he may have said something about it which has sparked this off.
The thing is I am really unsure if it is true or not, and I would really love your opinions and advice (which I honestly will take on board).
I do drink a lot, about 5-6 nights a week. I suppose I feel it is justified as I am extremely stressed with a very demanding professional job, trying to plan my wedding, lose weight, quit smoking and study for my post grad professional qualifications. When I get home in the evening all I want to do is sit down in front of the telly with a glass of wine. On weekends everyone else in my social group is drinking and going out, and that is sort of what is the 'done thing'.
I suppose I have been drinking like this for about 1 1/2 years now. My mother, a dental hygenist says that my mouth looks like the mouth of an alcoholic.
I have had several periods in the past year and a half where I have gone without any alcohol for a period of time, when I walked the kokoda track (which took about 2 weeks), when I have done those detox programs you buy in health shops, and when I have been on diets that have not allowed it.
I did the quiz on the AA website and scored a 4, they say 4 or over and you might have a problem.
The thing is, I always thought that being an alcoholic meant that you craved alcohol, or just couldn't control yourself when it came to alcohol. I know that I don't crave alcohol, though I do look forward to sitting down and relaxing with a glass of wine. I don't get drunk without meaning to. I do sometimes get drunk, but it is a purposeful thing when the world seems so bad all I want is oblivion.
I know that I can not drink when I make the decision to do so, and I desperately want there to be an answer other than me being an alcoholic. My life is so busy as it is that I really don't want to have to find time to go to a meeting every day and I really don't want to be the only one at my wedding that can't have a glass of champagne for the toast!
I'm sorry this is so long, I just would really appreciate some advice on what you think of the situation. Do I have a problem, and is there anything I can try or do to confirm it?
I am afraid there is only one person on this board who can tell you the answer to your question. She is the one who posted the first message...
Other than that, I can only ask: 1. Do you find that you can't relax each evening without that glass of wine? 2. Can you stop drinking right now for several weeks? 3. Have you ever been able to go out and socialize with your social group without drinking, or only have one or two drinks over the entire course of the event/evening? 4. If you have the glass of champagne at your wedding, will you be able to make that the only glass of alcoholic beverage you consume, and then switch to non-alcoholic drinks for the rest of the affair? 5.Do you feel uncomfortable being in a social setting where some or most others are drinking alcoholic beverages if you are not drinking (and, therefore feel compulsed to drink with them)?
Here is how I would have answered these questions not so long ago, and I am convinced that I have an alcohol problem: 1. Most of the time I didn't think I could relax without a drink, even though I could skip a night, now and again. 2.Sometimes, I could make up my mind to go for a week or 2 without drinking, but always went back to steady consumption (a drink in my hand from arriving home until bedtime) every day for several weeks. 3. I always felt uncomfortable in social settings, and had to have several (usually many) drinks, even though some of the others in the group might not have been drinking. 4. I couldn't have one glass of champagne in that setting and stop at that. (see #3.) 5.As you have probably guessed by now, #3, #4 and #5 all point to the same question, so I'll just answer, see 3 and 4 above.
Good luck in finding your answers, my dear, and best wishes with your wedding, your career, and in your life.
Dan, an alcoholic living in North Dakota.
-- Edited by Sick of being sick at 07:42, 2007-05-05
The people in your life love you and are just concerned, but only you can decide if you have a problem. Unfortunately, no other person can make that decision for you.
I knew I had a problem when I came to AA. What I didn't know was that the problem wasn't the alcohol that I drank, but the problem was me and how I lived my life and dealt with problems. I am glad that I had a "drinking problem", because thru AA I have learned how to live and deal with life, and it isn't by picking up a drink.
I thought being an alcoholic was the end of the world, but it was just the beginning of a wonderful life. Today I am proud to say I am an alcoholic, and a member of AA.
Thank you for posting this topic, and you could be one of the fortunate ones like me if you do have a "drinking problem". If you decide you have a problem, the answers can be found thru the 12 steps and your future friends in AA.
Hello Kate. I know Im an alcoholic. Why dont you call the AA hot line and speak with someone. The phones are manned 24 hours a day by folks that have much experiance. Because they are alcoholics themselves. Mabye someone there can awnser some of your questions about alcohol. Please considder this. If you think the one your about to marry may be speaking to your parents about your drinking... then it's affecting others... loved ones... already. I agree with the others though... no one can tell you if you have a problem, or if you might be an alcoholic. But it sounds as if you may be at risk at any rate. It's certainly worth the rest of your life to find out more about it. Best wishes.
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My warranty on tomorrow has run out. My guarantee on the past is void. Nothing is going my way... and I like it like that.
No one else can tell you if you are or are not. Only you can decide. Your loved ones can not tell, and neither can we.
However, I would say that I have yet to hear anyone ask this sort of question who later did NOT come to the conclusion that they were a problem drinker or alcoholic. Drinking simply does not hold an important place in the scheme of things, from a non-alcoholic point of view. I have not ever seen a non-alki worry about their drinking. They simply are not occupied by drinking thoughts at all.
But that's just my experience, for what its worth.
By the way - the meetings are nothing terrible, if you should choose to check one out - even just to appease your family.
The only person who can tell you if you are an alcoholic is yourself. We can offer you advice and support but you are the only person who will really know.
I know that with me, at first I truly thought that I wasn't an alcoholic and did not drink every day. But, my alcoholism crept up on me, until I was dependent on alcohol. I refused to let myself drink in the mornings, but I was 'looking forward' to having a drink more than I should have been.
For me, it wasn't only the amount that I was drinking, but also how I behaved after I had been drinking. And, it wasn't until I went to AA that I discovered just how much my actions had harmed and confused those around me who loved me.
Perhaps you could try going to one or two meetings in your area. You would be very welcome and it might help your thinking. You don't have anything to loose, but so much to gain.
Whatever you do decide, please keep posting and let us know how things are going for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
If I am an alocholic I shouldn't drink - If I am not an alcoholic I don't need to.
People who aren't alcoholics dont lie in bed at 4am (or whenever) wondering if they are.
As stated, only you can decide. However, keep in mind, alcoholism is a progressive illness.....If I had of known this 10 yrs ago, I may have been able to arrest my drinking before I progessed to full blown drunk. Then, again, I may not have cared!
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Kate, My own 2 cents. You made a comment about "all I want is oblivion". Perhaps that is your answer. You also might want to ask yourself......what do those "see" that perhaps maybe you are overlooking. And what is priority to you. I agree with Zster. That is what I have noticed as well. That when one begins to question they usually already have an "inkling" that they possibly are heading down that path of alcoholism. Just because it is "the thing to do" doesn't mean it is beneficial. Drs. do afterall prescribe certain meds. in certain quanties. They know going beyond those doses can be harmful. And yes, when one drinks, it is usually to escape. Will "oblivion" make the challenges or other things you are facing right now go away? Alot to consider. Only you can answer these things. Congrats on upcoming wedding and your educational achievements/goals. Best to you.
Hi Kate, I think it's amazing that your family felt they could go to that length to try and help you. It shows real love, care & concern. It also reflects a positive note towards their ability to be honest with you. Sometimes our self~destructive natures can go ignored, unheeded & neglected. Maybe they know you well enough to know you're capable of dealing with your life in better ways. It sounds like you have so much going for you that the time you spend drinking could be inhibiting your concentration & performance. Whether you're alcoholic or not (yours to decide ;) a change in lifestyle could well possibly benefit you no end! A.A. meetings are an excellently positive influence in helping you move away from that dependency whether it be psychological or not. You don't have to have a physical dependency to be alcoholic, simply an obsession for it where you're constantly preoccupied with the next chance you can get for a drink. When the obsession lifted for me I had so much more space to do other things & think about the things I had to do. Sounds like you've so much to manage a spell of sobriety could do you the world of good. Give yourself a break & explore some other options. There are other ways to unwind. For me, when my body detoxed after 10 weeks or so I found just getting home after a tough day & making some food really fulfilled & relaxed me. Good luck with your endeavors. I'm excited for you & the good things you have to look forward to. Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
