I had over 8 years good sobriety in AA and I picked up a drink in February of this year. This is the first time I have been back to AA in any capacity.
I thought I had it all under control and last night I went to a work function and I got so drunk and stayed out till 5am in the morning.
My husband who was also in the fellowship but who has dropped out of meetings and has been using methamphetamines for the past 6 years is absolulely furious at me.
I can barely keep my head up.
I had to call in sick to work and my boss knows the reason why.
I feel like I can't make the commitment to go back to meetings and get sober again.
My home group is on tonight. It would be the perfect time to go back.
I am so alone. I am so sick and tired. i really have NEVER felt like this. I have to pick my 2 beautiful children up from school this afternoon in just over an hour. I still feel drunk and sick.
I need some help mbut I know only I and God can do it.
Jenni
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Faith is a bird that senses the dawn but sings while it is still dark.
Hey hun... listen.. the past is the past. You drank. The only thing you can change is what your are going to do about it. You can either keep drinking (which I hope you do not!)... or you can CHOSE not to and attend as many meeting as you can. My opinion... is that you need to listen to yourself and not your husband seeing as he is playing with fire. The drugs he is using is not exactly the best thing to say the least. Back to you... get to your home group and talk talk talk whether it is on the phone to someone who is sober or at the meeting. Maybe grab coffee after the meeting? Can someone watch your kids?
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"Advice is what you ask for when you already know the answer but wish you didn't"
Thank you so much for your response. The time in Sydney is now 4.51pm.
My husband is home Thank God and I have my kids from school.
I rang some of my old AA friends today. One of them raced straight over to see me and she's picking me up at 7.25pm to take me back to my old home group for the 8pm meeting.
Please pray for me. Jenni
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Faith is a bird that senses the dawn but sings while it is still dark.
I do hope that you will have gone to your home group tonight.
I thought that I knew better than AA and that I would be able to control my drinking. But, 18 months after I had gone back to drinking, I finally admitted defeat and went back to AA. I wouldn't wish those 18 months on my worse enemy. It was completely horrendous.
I do regret that I hadn't gone back to AA sooner and that I wasted that time going back out and drinking. But, I'm here today and sober and that's what counts.
Please keep posting and letting us know how it goes for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Welcome back Jenni! The route by which you found your way back does not matter so much as the fact that you are one of those lucky ones who DID. I hope that you can attend lots of meetings and find your way back to feeling at home in AA - its a life saving program.
Yikes, work functions can be a nightmare...I think I can relate a little to how you feel, the last episode that sent me to AA was when I got so drunk at my wife's office Xmas party that I shit my pants.
I dont have and expert advice but if it were me and I was afraid of losing my job or being seriously reprimanded for what happened I would explain the situation to my boss. You've been sober for 8 years, you made a terrible mistake and drank, you're very sorry and ashamed and you plan on doing everything in your power to make sure it doesnt happen again.
Dear Jen, don't worry. It's a serious illness we're dealing with & we don't get a cure. It waits for us & waits for us. It doesn't care who we are or what we do. None of that matters & it can happen to any one of us. That's why we do our best to stay vigilant & do the right things on a daily basis. It'll be good for you to learn how you led upto that momentary weakness. You can explore this with your sponsor too. You don't have to punish yourself or feel bad. Self~forgiveness will take you forward & into your new days of sobriety. Your 8 years haven't been wasted as you've not thrown them away. You've come back with humility & can start again with Step1 ;) You'll be stronger since you've been out there & know what it's like for a repeat round. This means you'll be able to identify with others who've had the same experience & this'll keep you strong too. Don't worry, Jen. We're all capable of mistakes, it's how we learn & get better next time. Keep on moving, you're doing great. Nice to meet you, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
I'm glad you posted this and have found your way back to meetings. Don't beat yourself up too bad, as we all only have a daily reprieve, whether we have 8 hours, 8 days or 8 years.
You have helped us all by posting what happened to you, especially me, and I thank you for that. Hang in there, it only gets better from here. You have a blessing..........
Welcome to MIP. It's a good place to be and adds a lot to the quality of my sobriety. I do hope that you'll stay around and share some E, S & H with us.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Well, you guys are so wonderful. Thank you all so much for your replies.
Daryl, very best of luck to you too.
I went back to my meeting. Boy, it was nerve racking to walk back through the door and have to admit to my old home group members what had happened. They were of course shocked (I used to be nicknamed Mrs AA)...but they were wonderful.
I took my 2 beautiful children to a party yesterday and what's the 1st thing the mum there said "oh, stay and have some champagne".....I really had to stop and take a few seconds to say no thanks.
I sat through the meeting falling asleep and shaking but I am so glad I went.
My husband is clean again a couple of days. I pray we can work it out but we were both still sick and sorry today and he told me he loved me. I love him too.
I'm going to go to another meeting tomorrow.
I'm glad I found you all. I'd like to keep coming back here.
From,
Your new Aussie friend - Jenni
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Faith is a bird that senses the dawn but sings while it is still dark.
When i'm really struggling i say the serenity prayer over and over and over.