if I didn't quit drinking. I asked her to give me a year and if I haven't stopped I want her to throw me out. It's not that I get drunk and fight with her or that she even sees much of my using because I sneak away with friends to do it...it's just that I think she deserves better than a drunk and all that entails.
Her response to me insisting that she ditch me if I dont clean up my act was "Shouldn't that be my decision?". Don't get the wrong impression, she's by no means a push over or a door mat, she's very intelligent and strong. I guess she just doesn't understand the severity of it. Probably because I'm such a fantastic liar.
I dont know why but more often than not I've noticed that drunks seem to end up with partners who are far too good for them.
I'm with miller2 cunning and baffling Sounds to me like not only are you testing the waters with your wife to see what she might 'let you away with' but you may even be shifting the blame a little.
Like your avatar Tipsy why not make it your sobriety mascot and cut the bullshit Its time to grow up and take responsibility for your actions. I say this with love and understanding but because i understand you won't get off the hook so easy
Make it today the time is now, worry about a years time in a years time
Its time to grow up and take responsibility for your actions. I say this with love and understanding but because i understand you won't get off the hook so easy
Make it today the time is now, worry about a years time in a years time
Yep! What she said ^
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Today is gonna be the best time for you to quit drinking! Tomorrow and the day after and the day after that you'll just be further down the road to an alcoholic death.
You're in my thoughts.
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
No I'm not giving myself another year to drink, I guess I should have been more clear. What I was saying to her is if I try and try again and I cant make it after a entire year of giving it all I have then she needs to realize that there's no hope for me. She needs needs to tell me to move on so she can have the kind of life she deserves.
This is day 3 for me and I feel pretty good...I'm going to my first comeback meeting today and I'm determined to get it right this time.
Good, get yourself to that meeting and go early and leave late gives an opportunity to chat and get some phone numbers
Keep it in the day, never mind next year, if you do this a day at a time or even an hour at a time or minute by minute, next year will take care of itself
Well, I kind of see your wife's point about you controlling her actions. If you want to leave, then leave,, you control your own actions. I'm glad one of the actions is to get back to meetings.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
2x4- What the hell are you doing? Stop being a drama queen. Yes, I know what you are doing and your motive is probably genuine, but IMO you are handling this marriage ultimatum thing THE WRONG WAY!
It's time to listen to what SHE wants and DO things for her, and live for her. Your ultimatum is all about YOU, and not her.
It's time to work the program....then you'll stop acting like this and coming up with wacky alcoholic thinking coming out of the mouth. The trick is, to shut the mouth and work the steps.
McStagger, I heard that one a long, long, long time ago. Didn't phase me at the time. I went with the flow for many years. Didn't think too much about it. Now........I've come to realize it was an EXCUSE. One's way of "hoping" his/her mate will follow through on the suggestion so the alcoholic can say........"she/he left. I don't have to answer to her/him now. I can drink all I want." Heard that one and MORE!!!!!! When I remained the excuses then shifted from things like "I am worthless." to "It's all your fault." First I was too heavy.....I lost weight. When I did, then came the bullshit of "you only did it to get someone else" EXCUSES, EXCUSES, EXCUSES!!!!!! Alot of nasty things came from his mouth. Accusations that had no validity! Then came the "You don't love me anymore." When in truth I truly did (and still do). That turned to "I don't love you." When it was refused to up and leave.......HE DID IT instead. Found himself a little "gem" who was willing to allow the behavior. And has she made a difference. He still drinks....is in debt further....has MULTIPLE major health problems. The the major difference his behavior is condoned and so is the alcohol. Get off the pot and stop the bullshit. Stop looking into the future so far ahead. Each day is a new one......Keep going down this path of destruction........it can only lead to nowhere/death. Now it is a very very good achievement ..... the three days. Those are steps in the right direction....... Keep posting go to meetings and WORK THE STEPS!!!! Forget what may or may not happen tomorrow. Live these things today. Otherwise......... which hospital (or the worst scenario....funeral home) would you like flowers sent to!!!! No one here or anywhere for that matter can do "the work for you" Either you are sincere or your not. It's that simple!!!!!!
Boy oh boy...do you people ever practice what you preach? Do you ever listen without attaching some bizarre meaning to what you hear based solely on your limited life experience?
Yes I meant it and yes did it for me...I wasn't giving her an ultimatum I was giving myself one. I was also giving her the power or ability to call me on it two weeks from now when I start minimizing my drinking and trying to convince her that I was just being moody or was feeling depressed.
I dont know why I posted it anyway...I had a feeling that his thread would become a pulpit for all you budding Dr. Phils who feel the uncontrollable desire to impart your extensive wisdom on anyone and everyone within ear shot.
Boy oh boy...do you people ever practice what you preach? Do you ever listen without attaching some bizarre meaning to what you hear based solely on your limited life experience?
Yes I meant it and yes did it for me...I wasn't giving her an ultimatum I was giving myself one. I was also giving her the power or ability to call me on it two weeks from now when I start minimizing my drinking and trying to convince her that I was just being moody or was feeling depressed.
I dont know why I posted it anyway...I had a feeling that his thread would become a pulpit for all you budding Dr. Phils who feel the uncontrollable desire to impart your extensive wisdom on anyone and everyone within ear shot.
I get it, I get it, you're all wise geniuses.
*clap* *clap* *clap*
Good for you.
Ok, I'm done with you. Good luck, I wish you good things.
Far be it from me I'm not sure of the full situation your in, but sounds like the alcohol has a part in your situation.
One question comes to mind is that how much do you love your wife? Should be upto her weather or not she should leave you or not. Word of advice, let her make her own decisions and sit down and talk with her.
Sounds like your giving alot of excuses and self pity as set into play here, sounds like u need to take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if your truly happy with your life!!!
Hope all goes well with the decisions you make, obviously your on here for a reason.
Call me just as crazy, but I think I understand what Tipsey is saying. It sounds like he is giving himself one last chance to get sober and start living his life. He is going to give himself a year to really start to make some changes, quiting drinking is just the start. I think he wants to prove to himself that he can quit and stay sober and that if he can't do that after a year of really working it, he will sort of give up...meaning loosing his wife and/or self.
Tipsey I probably projected a bunch of stuff on you, but after reading what you have said, that is my conclusion. I don't have the answers and to be honest, no one has all the right answers for you. Your job right now is to really evaluate your situation and yourself. Dig in to your program, get connected with your higher power and let him/her/that guide you into making choices. You don't need to decide today what you will do next year. Just start living, and little by little you will start to recover, it doesn't have to happen overnight, nor do you need to be in a certain place with your recovery within a year from now. Take it at your pace and by next year, you will be transforming into a better YOU. Take care.
Tipsy, I think I understand where you are coming from. Do you feel that by saying that to your wife you will try much harder at staying sober and it will give you more motivation to stay sober? This way you know that if you do not stay sober you will lose her too and it is more set in stone and more real? I am not sure if I am saying that right but if this is giving you the motivation that you need then explain that to your wife and maybe you are giving yourself a kick in the butt to move onward and stay sober.... I think as long as she understands why you said it then it is a good thing... congrats on 3 days sober!!! That is great!!
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"Advice is what you ask for when you already know the answer but wish you didn't"
When i was 21 and living out in Palm Springs with my first love working for the rich and famous. I was insane with booze and coke and smoking weed on a daily basis. Anyway i became pregnant, he thought we could marry go home (scotland) he'd go back to working as a welder we'd get an apartment and settle down. I knew he wanted to travel and see the world, i also knew i was a lush and an addict, i chose to terminate the pregnancy telling him we were too young that i knew he would not be happy stuck in an appartment in Glasgow working 9 - 5 to keep me and the baby. Soon after the termination i really went to town on my addictions, my father came to visit after seeing me he brought me home. My first love and i never had a relationship again and have only seen each other a few time from that day to this. He went on to travel the world and now lives in sweden with his swedish wife. I went on with my addiction to age 35 at which point i was a single parent i married at 38 and had a further 2 children i live in scotland with my husband.
Who do you think was at the centre of my thinking here Tipsy ?
Boy oh boy...do you people ever practice what you preach? Do you ever listen without attaching some bizarre meaning to what you hear based solely on your limited life experience? I will answer this as honestly as i know how.... Nope i don't practice but then i don't believe i preach. I make suggestions the same suggestions that were made to me. If you feel their is transference in what i post, who knows maybe your right? My life experience is my life experience and to suggest it is limited well i guess i'd like to know how you measure that ? Anyway my experience is all i've got.
Yes I meant it and yes did it for me...I wasn't giving her an ultimatum I was giving myself one. I was also giving her the power or ability to call me on it two weeks from now when I start minimizing my drinking and trying to convince her that I was just being moody or was feeling depressed.
I'm not going to call you on your intentions, we do what we do and more often than not we find out with our own experience why we did it. I picked up a couple of points, perhaps this is transference, if you see yourself as giving her power then to whom do you think the power belongs? Minimizing? Does that mean your not quitting perhaps just taking control, seems there is a pattern emerging?
I dont know why I posted it anyway...I had a feeling that his thread would become a pulpit for all you budding Dr. Phils who feel the uncontrollable desire to impart your extensive wisdom on anyone and everyone within ear shot.
I posted a dillema i was having a couple of weeks back and could have written the responses i got myself. Yep and i didn't want to hear them because they require some action from me and i know the action that is needed and it presses my buttons that others can see this. You see i like to do things my own way i hung around the fellowship for two and a bit years trying to do what was suggested, my sponsor was called on for family resposibilities in the middle of my step 4 so i (quite happily ) bailed but guess what here i am 6+ years sober with a niggling. I do not have an uncontrollable desire to impart my wisdom on you frankly i need all the wisdom i got! You reached out i'm reaching back the theraputic value of one alcoholic helping another. That means if i think you are full of shit i need to call you on it lest i become part of the problem not the solution.
I get it, I get it, you're all wise geniuses.
*clap* *clap* *clap*
Good for you.
No Tipsy we are all or have all been lost just trying to find a better way and help others seeking a better way and i'm sure i speak for all when i say welcome aboard enjoy the journey we don't know the destination but we believ it is not where we are going but how we get there.
I believe the program is one day at a time. Im not an expert. Im not Dr. Phil... and I dont want applause. But I am sober. And I was once a hopless drunk.
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My warranty on tomorrow has run out. My guarantee on the past is void. Nothing is going my way... and I like it like that.
cunning and baffling
Sounds to me like not only are you testing the waters with your wife to see what she might 'let you away with' but you may even be shifting the blame a little.
why not make it your sobriety mascot and cut the bullshit 
