The rewards from detachment are great: serenity; a deep sense of peace; the ability to give and receive love in self-enhancing, energizing ways, and the freedom to find real solutions to our problems. -- Codependent No More
Letting go of our need to control can set others and us free. It can set our Higher Power free to send the best to us.
If we weren't trying to control someone or something, what would we be doing differently?
What would we do that we're not letting ourselves do now? Where would we go? What would we say?
What decisions would we make?
What would we ask for? What boundaries would be set? When would we say no or yes?
If we weren't trying to control whether a person liked us or his or her reaction to us, what would we do differently? If we weren't trying to control the course of a relationship, what would we do differently? If we weren't trying to control another person's behavior, how would we think, feel, speak, and behave differently than we do now?
What haven't we been letting ourselves do while hoping that self-denial would influence a particular situation or person? Are there some things we've been doing that we'd stop?
How would we treat ourselves differently?
Would we let ourselves enjoy life more and feel better right now? Would we stop feeling so bad? Would we treat ourselves better?
If we weren't trying to control, what would we do differently? Make a list, and then do it.
Today, I will ask myself what I would be doing differently if I weren't trying to control. When I hear the answer, I will do it. God, help me let go of my need to control. Help me set others and myself free.
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
How perfect and how lovely. Also, much more gentle than I phrase most things!
The need to control others or life situations can lead only to immense frustration. A hard truth for many is the reality that we have absolutely no control over anything or anyone, except for ourselves. When I find myself getting defensive, or feeling like going on the attack, I have to step back and look at where I really really am---and I find that it isn't the external that I'm really aiming for, but I am reacting to the lack of control I'm having on myself, like over reactive anger. I'm angry because my first reaction was anger (or hurt, or frustrated, whatever falls into "my" category of character defects).
That deep breath to find out what's going on with ME has probably saved much disappointment in myself and lashing out at others. It's those ankle biters that will get me if I'm trying to dance to the wrong music. Thank heavens for those Steps...
Thank you, Carol
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."