My sponsor, since 2005, has been the very first one I chose. She had quantity and quality and of all the women in this area, she had the most of what I wanted!
I found out a few weeks back, she's retiring from her job and moving away. I really wasn't worried, I know God will send me who he wants me to have. BUT, I got a phone call today from another AA, who informed me that my sponsor had "given me to her" !!!! WTF?! This lady sponsors a lot of women, has quantity, but doesn't have the quality I want. I think she's rude, overbearing and way too judgemental. She loves it when someone relapses so she can point her finger and tell them I told ya so, yada, yada......
Soooo..She informs me that beginning tomorrow I will call her EVERYDAY, I will meet with her 3 days a week and she will start me at Step One! Again, WTF???!!! I said " ______, I appreciate this very much, but I work 4am-noon. I get up at 3am, some weeks I work 6 days, some days I work 12 hours. I don't know from one day to the next what my work schedule will be, it's the nature of my job." Well, she got pissed and said "you will do what I tell you, when I tell you or I will not sponsor you". My response, "FINE! Don't want you anyway"
I immediately called my sponsor, but only got her voice mail....left a message.
Anyone ever experience this? I'm a little upset that I was given away like a hand me down. That she never mentioned this to me. But mostly I think I'm shocked at it........Was gonna stay up late and hit a 7:30 f2f, but think I'll skip it, I'm too angry......early to bed sounds better.
Ya'll have a good one, eh!
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Do I sense some resentment? :) J/K Im sure your sponsor was trying to do what she thought was best for you hun. Thats why you picked her to start with... Yeh, she shoulda mabye "suggested" some one for you, I agree. Perhaps the lady she turned you over to thought you had prior knowledge and had already agreed... Dont be angry. Sounds like you did the right thing and gratefully (well almost) ... declined her offer. And dont miss a meeting because your angry... at least for me, they are the best medicene for anger I've found. :) Sorry your loosing the closeness of your sponsor, Im sure you two can stay in touch.
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My warranty on tomorrow has run out. My guarantee on the past is void. Nothing is going my way... and I like it like that.
Unfortunately, while your sponsor may have wanted to do the right thing, she missed the mark by a long shot. Sponsors are not 'assigned', they are elected by the sponsee.
I agree with miller2, your old sponsor should have told you that she was leaving and only recommended a replacement. I also agree that she will still probably be available as the occasional long distance friend if you and she are/were close enough friends.
Don't sweat the small stuff, Doll. Just look around for the person that you feel you can work with, and who will work with you for the common goal.
I have yet to speak w/my sponsor........I'm not angry at her. I'm angry at this other woman's tone, manner and talking to me like I am a child.
I was told way back how she sponsors, one of the reasons I didn't choose her. Some may need daily contact with sponsors in one way or another, I am not one of those, nor do I have the time.
Thanks, guys!
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
There is no code of conduct for a sponsor or sponsee. If there were, there would be no way of enforcing it anyway. The relationship is one made by mutual choice. She stated her terms, you said no - so end of story.
I haven't had a sponsor for a long time. Not officially. My original sponsor passed away (sober) a few years ago. He talked tough, but as a sponsor was not really hard core. He was there when I needed to talk, and especially in the beginning he was instrumental in taking me to many different meetings. He saw to it that I got a broad experience and met a lot of different people, young and old, from many walks of life - with sobriety from days to decades. And by his example I discovered I could learn from all of them.
My sponsor was not a particularly patient listener - which frustrated me at times, but in some ways it was good for me. It didn't take me too long to figure out that he would jump to conclusions and jump all over me after one or two sentences, and not sit still for the rest of the story. It caused me to choose my words carefully and say what I mean and mean what I say, with less beating around the bush or lengthy explanations or rationalizations. That was the simplification I needed in my life - an end run around analysis paralysis. It's really annoying as hell to be shut down 15 seconds into a monologue you've been preparing all day. It did me good even it it allowed me to be pissed at him for a minute or two instead of whatever had been eating my lunch all day.
I used to think the simplicity of the program was a cop-out. That it would backfire and all the complicated things I worried about would come around and get me. But mostly, they went away because they were self-constructed shadows. They didn't survive in the sunlight.
Wow! There were some MAD women at the F2F today! This "other sponsor" had called many. Told some the same thing she told me, told some she couldn't sponsor them, "so don't even ask."
Finally talked to my sponsor. She didn't give anyone away. She had a conversation with this other woman and let her know the situation and that some of 'us' may approach her since there are little to no women in my HG with any kind of quality let alone quantity.......
Anyway, glad it all got cleared up. I knew there had to be a logical explantion, (see my "shocked" sentence above......).
Thanks for the feedback, MIP family. It's much appreciated, as always!
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
