We've had it!

worriedfriend · Newbie

We've had it!

miller2 · Senior Member

Hello WF.
Unfortunatly, theres not to much anyone can do untill he WANTS to stop.
As a friend, you can try to get the wife to try an alanon meeting, you can suggest AA for him.
You could ask them NOT to visit or call if he's been drinking, and by all meens,
if the girls are in any way being neglected, the authorities should be notified.
I have two girls of my own, both grown now, and I can tell you from my experiance, that even being a father comes second to alcohol for a real alcoholic.
no one, and nothing on this earth could have stopped me... untill I was ready to make a decision myself.

Quetzal · MIP Old Timer

Hi,

Welcome to MIP.

For this alcoholic there was nothing that anybody could say or do to get me stop drinking until I was ready. I had tried AA and had been sober for eight weeks, then stopped going and started drinking again for eighteen months. I had to be ready before it was going to work for me. No amount of pressure or 'threats' from boyfriend could stop me.

Alanon is very helpful and I am sure that the wife would get a lot of help and support from attending meetings. She would also get a lot of useful advice about caring for her two daughters and their needs. They can't be overlooked in this.

And, as Miller suggested, you could try asking them not to visit or not going out with them if he has been drinking.

Please let us know how things go for you, won't you?

Take care,

Carol

-- Edited by Quetzal at 12:14, 2007-04-21

Phil · MIP Old Timer

And Yupper....

What my freinds shared.... in above replies..

Heres a site that might give you a bit of understanding into it all

http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/info2/a/blfam.htm

worriedfriend · Newbie

I really thought that I'd like to forward the questionnaire on to my friend's wife but I'm sure that her husband would just erase the message. I think that maybe I could start by offering to go with her to Alanon meetings. I do think that we need to limit our visits that include him for now. It's hard though. I have known other people who were alcoholics for life and I'm worried that is where this couple is headed. They have been together for around 12 years and he's always been drinking.
Miller 2, something you said about the girls coming second to alcohol made me remember an incident a couple of years back. My friend and I went out shopping and returned a couple of hours later to find her girls still in their highchairs where she had left them with their dinner. He had left the table and fallen asleep. She could not even wake him. My heart was broken. I stayed and helped her bathe the girls and settle them to bed. I'm a pretty tough person and I couldn't understand why she didn't kick him out right there and then.

miller2 · Senior Member

My wife stayed with me twenty years... I never understood it either.
I eventualy chased her and my youngest out... literally... as fast as they could get to the car... in a drunken rage. They never came back. But... thats what it took me to finally get help and quit drinking.