*sigh* I don't know what's wrong with me today... I haven't been this depressed in I don't know how long. I just want to cry and I can't, and I don't even know why I want to.
No thoughts of drinking... but thoughts of something else I shouldn't do (another bad coping mechanism) and I haven't done it in maybe 5 months, so I really don't want to give in to it. I won't give into it. But the thought's there.
I haven't felt like doing anything all day. I made myself do a little around the house, but not much... ya know, I've dealt with all this physical crap I've been dealing with for the most part just fine, and today I actually feel (mostly) physically ok, and emotionally I'm a mess. Makes no sense.
Don't really feel like talking either... my ex has been trying to catch me on IM, and called earlier... I didn't answer. I at least let my bf know how I'm feeling and what thoughts are in my mind, because he needs to know... but there's not much of anything he can do for me.
Well, usually, I get some sleep, and tend to feel better the next day... we'll see if that's the case this time... gonna get to bed pretty soon... praying I feel better in the morning...
Hi Lisa. I went thru those kinds of days and feelings your experiencing, also. I still have them, but they are fewer and farther between. I was told it's part of getting sober. Theres a link I'm trying to find that gives us a wide variety of "sober symptoms". I'll post it as soon as I can locate it.
Listen to your body, if you need to sleep, doesn't matter what time of the day or night, then sleep. If you dont' feel like doing anything, then don't do anything. It takes quite a while for us to undo what we've done to ourselves
It does get better.......So, you hang in there.
(((HUGS)))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I read your post, and can relate to it, It may sound stupid and well dumb. But ya know Doll is right I experience the same thing when I first got sober.
Went through crying spells, the napping bit and went through a lot of emotional turmoil and I got frustrated is to why I was going through it. Then I realized that it is ok to go through this.
It was a time of healing and moving on with what was my bottom of my addiction and time to make changes. So hon let this situation take it course and you will soon feel better or somewhat at eaze with yourself.
Praying for you and glad you have no thoughts of drinkin. Take it one day at a time.
Hope you're ok. Lisa. Your body, soul & mind are probably knackered with the whole change thing. Maybe you're closing down just to rest & gather your strength & wits. I reckon it will get better for you. I think I went through a similar thing in the early days for me 'Death be duvet' we call it here. It wasn't long before I was soon up busybusy with meetings & fellowship & a new job. It could be the calm before the storm for you in a really positive way so enjoy the peace while it lasts. You'll soon be ready for all kinds! Take it easy & accept how you are for Today. It's happening for a reason & you're well on your way so don't worry. We're all here for you too. Lots of recovery love coming at you, Danielle xxx
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Thanks y'all, I'm feeling the *tiniest* bit better today... still pretty down, but I know I need to fight it. Had some really screwed up thinking last night, lying in bed, but I fought it and made it through the night.
My back seems to be getting a bit better, I'm able to do a bit more, and it's so easy to still use it as an excuse to not do much, but I'm not letting myself do that. I know I can't push it too much, worried I'll make it worse again, I know helping my boyfriend out in the field would probably be too much, so I told him I'd get some stuff done around the house... Springtime on the farm, all the work is outside, and the house gets ignored... so... told him I'd finish up the dishes, sort out the recyclables, the house really needs vacuuming while it's a nice day that all the animals can stay outside... So, hopefully getting busy around here will make me feel a bit better emotionally, I know when the house is in better shape, I tend to feel a little better, if it's a mess, it'll make me feel worse. And working inside, if I push it too much, I can rest my back if I need to.
I'm going to the meeting in the next town over tonight, I'll see how that goes... I haven't made it to meetings lately because of the problems with my back, the car makes it worse, sitting for extended periods of time makes it worse... but figured I'd try this meeting since it's close, if it doesn't mess my back up too bad I'll try a trip into Lincoln to run errands and hit a meeting tomorrow.
I don't know if it's the "getting sober" depression... as I have 8 months now... I went through those ups and downs for maybe the first 3 months or so, and things seemed to settle down... the last 3 months I've been really pretty stable as far as my moods go, some situational depression on occasion, but nothing I can't get through in a day or so. But I suppose I am still kinda adjusting out here too, winter was good, lazy, spending lots of time with my boyfriend hanging out and cleaning up the house... now it's spring, the crops will be planted in about a week, he's out working all day every day, comes in sore and tired and not up to giving me much attention, I'm in here all day with the house to myself... I have to admit I've been a bit lonely here.
Then there's all that stuff with my little brother... and my mom pretty much hating me right now... there's been a lot going on lately. I didn't think that was it, as I've done my best to kinda let go of the situation over the past several days, it hasn't been on my mind too much, but yeah, that could still be contributing to how I'm feeling. Plus having these back problems for so long, and being laid up a good portion of the time, then I started getting migraines the past few days, which finally seem to be better thankfully...
it could be a number of things getting me down... but, I just need to fight through it. If I lay around and do nothing, I'll wallow in the depression like I used to do, and that doesn't help anything. I'm trying not to let myself isolate, at least telling my boyfriend how I'm feeling if nothing else, and as usual, the easiest for me, is to open up to people online.
Anyway, here I am on another ramble... buzzed up on coffee right now lol
Thanks for being here for me, I go to several different recovery forums... but this is the one I feel most comfortable at, I don't get beat up for my feelings here, everyone is so supportive, I feel comfortable enough here to open up with y'all about what's going on in my life, and I pretty much always get good responses... Y'all have become like family to me...
Thanks Lisa, that's really lovely. I reckon a few of us would agree with you! I went to a Step2 meeting today & we were all talking about Higher Power & the connection we have between us to get us through everything, all the pain & happinesses One Day at a Time. I shared & told how much that meant to me & that A.A. was my HP to begin with before I opened up to developing a God of my own understanding on a persoanl level. Now I can be thankful on a daily basis before I go to sleep & ask for strength & Will for me when I wake up. I know you've not exactly mentioned this but I felt like sharing with you & enjoying that there's no need for any of us to feel lonesome unlesss we want to for awhile ;) Peace be with you today, I hope your back eases, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
If I remember correctly, you are what is called a 'dual diagnosis', with alcoholism being one, but other mental problems also that were being treated and are not now being treated. Depression can be part of a few things, or a thing in itself. One of the common things to be done for depression, is to be out in the sun, especially after the winter,, and to be active as possible. The inactivity caused by being inside for winter, and your back problems, may be factors in your depression. It also seems that some of your old patterns are being triggered in a kind of a HALT situation with your family.
We can't give you easy solutions to this,, we've tried before and someone died as a result. So we don't give advice any more except to refer someone to a local professional for serious issues that are beyond the scope of 'supportive peers', meaning fellow alkies.
I hope you feel better today, and do what you have to do to take care of yourself.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Hope your feeling OK Lisa. Ive been sober two years and I still have those days.. think we all do actually. Always helps me to call another alcoholic, or go to a meeting. Or even visit here. Thank God we have the program to take the edge off those days. Be well.
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My warranty on tomorrow has run out. My guarantee on the past is void. Nothing is going my way... and I like it like that.
