hi folks, just need to vent. my active A is the best guy with a horrible disease. he was involved with AA for 3 years and was dry.i am involved with alanon. my problem is with intimacy. he has been on a daily drinking binge for about 2 months.works all day at his business and comes home to a bottle. i don't make any comments on it one way or another....just try to take care of me and work on myself. i do find it difficult to be intimate with him while he is intoxicated. usually i will have sex with him but my heart isn't into it. the alcohol smell, slurred words....any thoughts? thanks and have the best day....debbie
Don't EVER do ANYTHING you do not want to do......Period! ..... When we do, especially for women and sex, we can easily lose ourselves and our self respect....just say "no"......
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Hi Debbie. I agree with Doll here, myself. I'm trying to look at it from your perspective, and I would be unable to bring myself to acquiesce under those circumstances. From the A's point of view, I really wouldnt expect my husband to find me desirable under those circumstances,(drinking) either. To give into his needs under these circumstances would feel too much like martyrdom to me--you know, being the good wife no matter what. But when it comes to intimacy (and it's hardly intimate when he's drinking, is it?) I don't know. I guess I just wouldnt have the heart for that. But it is such a private choice. Like Phil said, take care of yourself, do what feels right for you. And don't do what doesnt feel right. Good luck with this, Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
thanks for your replies. this is a tough one for me. i try to relate alcoholism with diabetes. if he were a diabetic and didn't take his insulin, would i feel differently? he mentioned recently that we needed to work on intimacy issues and i agree (they have declined since the drinking) but i'm finding it hard to do with active drinking involved. we've always agreed that sex was important in our relationship and rarely does either one of us deny the other. (even if we're not much in the mood, we usually get into it!) but this seems different now that alcohol is involved. i'm not fretting too much about it and so far everything seems "ok" but not "great" like it was before active drinking. does that make sense? i can settle for ok but yearn for great. thanks for listening as i don't really feel comfortable discussing this at my meetings.
i try to relate alcoholism with diabetes. if he were a diabetic and didn't take his insulin, would i feel differently?
I understand what you're saying, but these 2 things are so totally different, you really can't relate one to the other. Can you?
You said he mentioned 'you 2 need to work on intimacy' - suggest to him that you begin by talking about it. Afterall, the largest sexual organ in the body is the brain.
Perhaps you can have this discussion while he's not intoxicated and be frank, honest and sincere, but make sure he understands how you feel.......
Don't lose yourself, please.. and never settle....you are too important.....
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Um not sure what to tell ya debbie, but I hope this helps you. I agree with doll, I can relate to your situation, and well do what your heart tells ya, if it doesn't feel right don't do it.
I went through years of well, losing my self respect, self worth and didn't matter what I did, it almost cost me my dignity. So like doll said, if u don't feel good about doing it, don't do it. Just say no.
Time to take care of you and be true to you, and I'm sure you'll get through this under the circumstances.
