My little brother has been having some problems... not alcohol related - yet anyway... but I wouldn't be surprised if he goes down that path eventually too... he's going through things I went through, at about the same age I started. He's been depressed for at least a couple of years. He was in counseling for a bit... but didn't open up in counseling, he knew the counselor would tell mom if he said anything about how he really felt, he's only 12. Same thing I did, didn't talk in counseling for that reason. They had to cancel an appointment last year, and he told them he didn't want to go back, that he was ok, and they didn't make him go back.
My mom and his dad don't understand. They went through all this with me... and chewed me out over it, told me I was just trying to get attention, asked what on earth a 12 year old had to be depressed about (if they weren't in such denial about how disfunctional our family is, maybe they could see why)... my mom pulls that whole "If you think your childhood was bad, look at how mine was!"... *rolls eyes*
He's been cutting himself, starting just a year younger than I was when I started. Makes me worried about what else he's doing, although he told me he isn't smoking or doing drugs or drinking, and he doesn't usually lie to me. I really worry because my first suicide attempt I was about 3 years younger than he is, he's really depressed, he hasn't said anything that makes me think he'd do it, but I still worry that he might try it if things get bad enough.
I told him he could trust me, he could talk to me, that I wouldn't tell mom anything unless I had reason to. I don't think I have serious reason to tell her anything yet. If she knew he was cutting himself, she'd make it worse. He doesn't want to go back to counseling, says it doesn't help. . And it doesn't help when your counselor is going to tell your parents what you're doing. They could throw him in day treatment like they did to me... but then they'll just throw him on medication thinking it will make him stop cutting, that's what they did to me. He doesn't want to go on meds, I don't want him to go on meds, and when they first put him in counseling last year, my mom said she doesn't want him on meds... she said then that he was too young for it, and of course they have those studies saying that anti-depressants can cause more suicidal tendencies in children under the age of 12. Well, he's 12 now though...
*sigh* I don't know... I wish there was something I could do for him... he's going through just a little of what I had to deal with... I don't want to see him follow the rest of the path I walked.
We were messaging back and forth on myspace tonight, the last thing he sent me was how he was sick of everything, sick of our parents, sick of life, that nothing good has happened since I moved away. He called me after that and we talked a little... I feel so bad for leaving him. We started messaging tonight because he sent me a message asking if he can come live with me and that our parents are F-ed up. I wish he could move up here... He always does so much better when he gets away from his dad... and I think now also when he gets away from our mom...
I wish I wasn't 12 hours away from him... but then, even if I was there, what could I do for him? My ex-husband is going to start hanging out with him, taking him out to movies, bowling, etc... my ex had seen my mom at her work not long ago and she told him he could come hang out with my little brother anytime... My bf thinks my brother needs a "big brother" like from the big brother/big sister program. Maybe my ex hanging out with him will help some though... My ex has his own share of issues and is pretty sick in his own way... but, he's generally pretty good with my brother so I think it'd be ok...
I suggested to him that he start praying... told him I dunno if he's still a Christian or what he believes, but that praying might help him at least feel more at peace... he told me he doesn't know what he believes and that he's given up on religion... so I sorta tried to explain spirituality vs. religion... and that he could pray to any higher power... when I talked to him on the phone after that, he told me he's an atheist, that he doesn't believe there is a god.
I just don't know how to help him, other than listen to him and be there for him... but he doesn't even open up a *whole* lot with me. I was about in tears when we were writing back and forth earlier... he's my "baby", I practically raised him until mom got married when he was 3. I say that he saved my life... just by being born... he was the reason I couldn't go through with suicide or running away when mom was pregnant, and after he was born. I knew from the time he was little that he'd go through some of the things I went through... my older brother and sister are relatively "normal" but our family life was more stable when they were growing up... it's me and my little brother that got thrown in with the disfunction.
Sorry, I'm really rambling... I'm just so freakin worried about him... and I feel really helpless right now...
Hi Lisa. Id suggest that you pray to your higher power for strength and for some knowledge in what you can do to help. And if thats nothing, then thats the way it is supposed to be right now. You made ot OK, and have a beautifull way of life now, and your brother may also. I usually try to sort out what things I CAN do.. and those things I have no controll over. You CAN be supportive. You CAN call him now and then. You CAN pray for him, ect ect... What you CAN NOT do is predict the future, or controll his destiny, change your parents, ect ect... Mabye you can research the things he's doing on the internet, find an online support group to talk to. Other than that, trust in your higher power and remember that your so darn lucky that through your program, your now sober and alive and able to be there for him. Best wishes.
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My warranty on tomorrow has run out. My guarantee on the past is void. Nothing is going my way... and I like it like that.
You're right, I am powerless over this... and that *kills* me!
My mom called tonight, said she'd been talking to my little brother until she was blue in the face, that she knows he's been cutting himself, and that she knows he's been talking to me, and that I better be careful of what I say to him... wtf?? I haven't told him anything bad, I tell him what I've learned in recovery. I listen to him, although he doesn't open up a whole lot. I told her I gave him some hotlines he could call and she said she didn't want him calling hotlines, she wants him talking to her or a counselor. She wants him back in counseling, but he doesn't want to go. And yeah, she can force him to go, but she can't make him talk or open up.
He's grounded from his friends now. She thinks the problem is that he's hanging out with bad kids. Thing she doesn't realize is that even if he cut himself to be cool or fit in, there's still another problem, no one in their right mind is going to repeatedly cut himself. Even if someone does it to be "cool" or to get attention, there's a bigger problem there. He's not allowed to see his friends except at school, she said she was going to take the internet away from him too so he couldn't talk to them there. Of course he's still allowed to talk to family, maybe she'll still let my ex hang out with him some...
My ex keeps asking what he can do for him... but I don't know. I mean, yeah, I went through it too, but I don't know what would've helped me back then... I turned to drugs and alcohol to deal with it. I turned to guys, constantly staying in a relationship, thinking that would help, which in some cases just made it much worse. The only thing I can think of is for my ex to get him out of the house some, and be supportive, let him talk...
My bf thinks it'd do him some good to come spend some time here this summer. I really don't think my mom will go for it... she has something against alcoholics (and bf and I are both alkies), she's against the fact that I moved up here in the first place, she doesn't like that I met my boyfriend online. I don't think she likes our age difference either (although she can't talk, her husband is 20-something years older than her)... My bf thought maybe if she met him first, like if he comes down to Memphis with me at the end of May when I'm going to visit, then maybe we could bring my brother back up here for part of the summer... I don't know if that will work though.
Yes, I do need to pray about this... been struggling with my faith lately... but it can't hurt to pray to whatever god/higher power there is... because I do believe there is *something* out there...
