My life has been really good the last few weeks...Because it's mostly been about me.. I have been putting myself first, for a change. I have been setting up my new group, and feeling really pleased with myself. Chairing meetings, and doing good with them..
I have a thyroid condition that wont control easy..And this week I feel it is pulling me down again. I have no energy, I'm really tired, etc.
Also I have been speaking to my sponsors, and they have both been telling me how great I'm doing in my recovery. I'm doing the right things. I feel different, and I have a bit of self-worth, self-esteem, etc....It's what I have wanted for so long...And I was starting to feel really happy..
I have been going over the past few days, thinking about my relationship with my friend...How it all turned from close friends into physical, how we were happy enough with eachother, how he got scared, how I felt rejected, useless, etc...
We are back on talking terms, and in one sense, it's like nothing has changed between us. We are just me and him, as always.... But something has changed, and I think we are both feeling it. He is kind of shutting himself away, doing things he normally does to distract him, not going to meetings, he has not done a meeting for a few months since it ended between us...
I am suffering with this. It's really hurting me, I see him, I see his hurt, his pain, he's not happy. And I am totally powerless to do anything about this.. I keep telling myself, "Let it go", he knows where I am, if he needs me... But OMG, this is so painful...I'm not going hysterical and crying the way I did before. But I'm letting these feelings affect my growth... I just want to go see him, put my arms round him and say, "It's gonna be okay"......
I love him so much, It's only now I can see just how much...Most of the obsessions are away, now I just have a feeling inside my heart, that breaks when I see him so unhappy.... I want to be there for him, also I dont want to be there all the time, if you understand what I mean...
How can I get by this one...He knows how I feel about him.But he wont let anyone near him........He's six years sober.
Anyone got any wisdom on this.....Will this get any better for me.
Ive been seperated from my wife two years now. The very first thing my sponsor told me was, I was being selfish and self centered. Now, even after two years have gone by, I continue to ask my higher power to allow HER happiness, security, success, ect. Yes, of course things will get better with time. They always do. But HE is the one missing meetings, and trying to seclude. It sounds as if he's hurting too, and your last line of the post... "will this get any better for ME" .. might be the wrong thing to be asking. Your program and your higher power will show you the way, you know that. So pray for him. Try it. Best wishes.
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My warranty on tomorrow has run out. My guarantee on the past is void. Nothing is going my way... and I like it like that.
(((Hi Ally))) You don't mention how long this relationship has been going on. Maybe he's decided that something isn't right for him...it happens. How well can you honestly communicate your feelings between one another? Pretty much all you can do is let him know how much you care for him and see what his response is. Take it from there I guess. Just my opinion. Good fortune to you and DO take care of yourself first. Love in recovery...Tim
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"We posess the eyes through which the universe gazes with wonder upon its own majesty."
the most important step we take and the only one we must do every day and pefectly (as i was told by my sponser) is step one remember we are powerless not only over alcahol but over other things as well! exspeacialy people! for me i can only take care of my sobriety , and be there for those who need me but i can not force any one to except my help! for those i love i just have to let go and let god and it all seems to work out as its suposed to! i cant waist time trying to help those who wont except my help! instead i rejoyce in those i can help ! and the biggest thing that helped me was faith ! once i turn some one over to god its outa my hands and i have faith that he will take care of them, and were there is faith there is no fear ! take care hun and may god keep you!
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