Is it common to lose most of ones old friends. One friend clearly doesn't get why I'm doing this he was heavy drinker and he was able to walk away from it, I lied even to my former and current drinking budies about the extent of my drinking and he believes my lies over the truth even now . another friend who is clearly and alcoholic but not interested in AA even tho he admmits he needs to stop. I don't see either friendship surviving long term that saddens me but my sobriety comes first.
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Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:6 , The Message
We usually find that the only thing we had in common with most...was the booze...
Ive still got a couple left from the drinking days...that I can call true friends....but, thats about it...
Made one hell of a pile of new ones...since comming in to AA...and if Im in a pickle of any kind...can reach out and count on them...to be there...and its a two way street..
Thats what holds this thing all together..
We share experience strength and hope with each other....without the bullshit.:)
It works...
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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Little by little, one by one my drinking buddies have become not-drinking buddies. I was one of the last hold outs, actually- and those guys put up with a ton and were very patient.
My son and I spend some time with a good friend and his son on a regular basis and we surf together some. He and I had some hellacious nights out over the years- crazy stuff- I cant believe I survived- but he quit because of a break-up/custody battle and just never started back up again and we still hang out. I have another buddy that I paddle with on a regular basis, another that I swim with who still drinks but it just hasn't been a problem. The best is the guys I grew up with- the ones that survived, anyhow. Just about everyone I grew up with that made it to 40 is now sober and clean. We have a couple still out there but I guess that's just the percentages.
Well, I know that I'm not easy to get along with, but the line seems to be this: the AA program requires that we be very honest, and that we try to cope with life's problems in a way that is constructive for all parties involved. Some people can get into that, and some people can't. Drinking is often the major way to be in denial, which is not honest, and so when we are honest that kind of goes in their face as something they don't want to hear; and drinking is a way to avoid really coping with anything and has a kind of inertia, so that the energy spent by a friend who is into coping seems like a real drag.
Well, we have to do what we have to do, and those that can be our friends on our recovery path are treasures, and those that are not able at this time to relate to it can go their own way. You can't worry about that, though we can hope that, later on down the road, they might be on the road to recovery too. They may think you are an idiot right now, not being able to understand what you are doing,, but you are right that your recovery comes first.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
I had to give up all of what I thought were my "friends" - (it's suggested to change your playmates and your playground.) Come to find out, like Phil said, once the booze was no more, neither were they. A true friend will stick by you no matter what. And those are hard to come by drunk or sober...The good news for me, I've made new friends and not just in AA. These are what I call real folks that had I not gotten sober I would never had the opportunity to meet & associate with....It's a wonderful feeling that today I am able pick my friends & people I WANT to be around.....It is your time to get sober, please do all you must to stay that way. One day those "friends" of yours may need the helping hand of AA and you can be there for them.
-- Edited by Doll at 08:50, 2007-03-31
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
thanks people I'm trying hard to put it in gods hands, I have met some wonderful people thru AA this week I know their are new friendships on the horizon
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Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:6 , The Message
Remember that you are going through a transition right now, so things may seem a little confusing. I know for me, what I thought was, really wasn't (hope that makes sense). In other words my drinking buddies really weren't my friends, they didn't want anything to do with me when I quit. I think they looked at me like I was too good for them now. It was sad because even when they weren't drinking, I still felt very disconnected from them.(I also lived with mine, so that didn't help, I ended up moving out) It was difficult in the fact that I had to grieve the loss of those friends but I found out who the "real" ones were, and that was a true gift.
Remember that you are going through a transition right now, so things may seem a little confusing.
Definately a bit confused I'll be 40 soon and i've been drinking for a long time I'm not sure who I am without alcohol, (does that make sense ) let alone who my real friends are. I do feel better every day for now i'll just focus on staying sober one more day
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Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:6 , The Message
Bryan39 wrote: Remember that you are going through a transition right now, so things may seem a little confusing.
Definately a bit confused I'll be 40 soon and i've been drinking for a long time I'm not sure who I am without alcohol, (does that make sense ) let alone who my real friends are. I do feel better every day for now i'll just focus on staying sober one more day Yeah makes sense. I know I drank to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I mean when I drank I didn't have to deal with my feelings (whatever they may be). I felt empowered, but it was a facade, and it came at a price. I started driving away friends that I wanted to have around me and ended up hanging around friends who did the same thing I did. Alcohol was my crutch to cope with my life. Once you give it up, you still have to find ways of dealing with the issues that made you drink in the first place.
Fortunately you are doing it right by going to AA you don't have to do it alone. You have support, you will make new friends who have the same goals as you...to stay sober. Take care.
and reading these posts makes me believe you've got a few good friends right here. Mike -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
thank you you're right of course the glass is half full not half empty
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Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:6 , The Message
