We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. --Step One of Alcoholics Anonymous
Accepting powerlessness is a prerequisite of recovery. As adult children, the very idea may seem puzzling or even laughable. Haven't we felt powerless all along? Shouldn't we be trying to move away from powerlessness and toward power?
But in the program we've found powerless to have a different meaning. We see how we have exhausted all the nonproductive, ineffective ways to deal with our situation. Powerlessness here means we're giving up on willpower, force, and intellectualizing because they just didn't work.
When we admit we are powerless we are saying that we are through trying to do it on our own - finished with attempts at recovery, which are centered around our own strength or cunning. To lay down our old failed powers is not much different, after all, from laying down a broken old bike with two flat tires. It was better than nothing, but now we have a new means of moving on our way.
Today, I am relieved and grateful to unburden myself of unrealistic expectations.
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Sometimes, when my selfishness and self centerdeness creep into my mind, I become angry at my powerlessness. I am never angry because I don't have to drink and I don't want to anymore. I get angry because I am unable to manage my life, especially in the area of finances. I realize that I have to depend on God, but there are times when I don't want to. This is defiance, and of course insanity. It becomes neccessary for me to ask God to relieve me of the bondage to self so that I can better do his will. And I have to say many times, thy will be done. I also pray that God will give me the ability to genuinely care about others. Sometimes, I am so selfish all I think about is my wants, my needs, MY........
I am still learning how to live the spiritual life. I will never know everything. I want to grow and be perfect, but I'm a long way from that. I haven't had to drink though, since 1981.
Self-expectations are real issues with me, too, Eddie. I want guru status NOW, I want to be the perfect wife, mother, seamstress, friend, et al. The list goes on forever.
When I catch myself going into the frustration mode of not meeting my own standards, I have to take a deep breath and admit a few things: if I'm busy reaching beyond my immediate grasp, I'm setting myself up for failure. I will never get there. I'm missing my time in the "now", which was one of the reasons I sobered up. I wanted "time" to be real to me again. My Higher Power has lessons for me, and I will miss both the lesson and the words I need to hear from my HP when I"m in a constant striving mode. Learning self acceptance, my limits, and my human frailties allows me to make room for growing on the path of my choice. For this day, I can only be who I am. And, I will lose this precious day if I'm obsessing on my perseption of what I should be. I've been working on this for years. If God can accept me the way I am, then who am I to be so judgemental of myself? Gawd, we are so hard on ourselves, way harder than we would be if it were someone else doing the same thing, eh? Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
But in the program we've found powerless to have a different meaning. We see how we have exhausted all the nonproductive, ineffective ways to deal with our situation. Powerlessness here means we're giving up on willpower, force, and intellectualizing because they just didn't work.
In my first meeting when I said out loud "I'm an alcoholic" in that moment i accepted that i'm powerless over alcohol. It hit me as I read the above and the respones in this thread in order to have the total tranformation that i want i need to turn my entire life over to god. I'm not quite there yet but this realazation was a big step
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Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:6 , The Message
