Hi Tina,
That parent thing kickin' in again. Ha!
Don't know much about withdrawals of meth. Only know what is seen in the pictures
when there has been a bust in my area of someone dealin'/manufacuturing. Seen all
weight sizes. It's the faces that are most notable and the unkept hair. Most of them look
about 30 yrs older than their stated ages.
Your son's weight loss may be due to stress/anxiety. You set the boundaries for getting
a job leaving him a choice. He obliged by looking. Therein itself may be some of the stress.
The new job, in another city far from what he was accustom to with the addition of
finding the counselor ect. Combined, even for those without addiction, can all stress one out to a certain extent. Stress levels and its effects vary from person to person.
It may simply to take a little more time for him to adjust to all the "new" than maybe
you had expected. It's only been a week or so. As a parent worry is part of the game,
but try and be patient and give him more time.
You already know what you provided for him as far as food, shelter, ect. People will
talk regardless of what the facts maybe. He knows his mistakes, and he knows that what
you have tried to do was for his best. So try not to let that worry you. Truth has a funny
way of surfacing......
I had not seen my oldest son since before Christmas. Had heard he was going to do
some remodeling to the house he rents with his younger brother. Over a year ago, he
and the girl he had dated throughout HS stripped old wall paper off the kitchen walls. (I
wondered if marriage was in the future and if he was buying this house.) I never delved,
but suddenly that lovely young woman was dumped. Enter a new one just as lovely. Then
this rumor of the remodeling surfaced.
I had went to see the boys about a mo. ago. No one around and I didn't bother entering
the house. Yesterday on a whim, I drove over. That home at one time was where J and
I lived and had planned to the remainder of our lives/until retirement. J was there helping
Brian. They had gutted what was termed the "mud room". (A less fancy bath, that included
a large closet for work (farm) clothes.
J was as if nothing had happened. Ask how I was, ect.? We all went into the kitchen,
where at one point J flashed a smile at me, shrug his shoulders and drop his head. It was
as if he was saying, "I know I screwed all of this up. I made promises and broke them."
I smiled back. As we all began to talk I noticed J lit up a cigarette. This has always been
a BIG issue for my sons. I have respected that and until yesterday had not smoked. I
looked at Brian.....and said "Well Bud if your father is allowed to smoke, I believe as your
mom I should get that priviledge." There came fast on the heels of my remark, "Yes, I
can BECAUSE I am helping him." This goes back to your remark about worrying what
others think....... I couldv'e so easily retorted.....a litany of things that I had helped our
children with when we were all togethor. Those things so often overlooked.....homework,
washing, cooking, and so on. Carting them to and from school activities......and like you
setting boundaries. Losing sleep when they were sick or taking them to drs. All this done
many times over while J was very often spending that time drinking and God only knows
what else. I simply ignored the remark and let it go as if it weren't even spoken. Went
right into the remodeling plans. It was such a "right" move. I refuse any longer to allow
J that priviledge of "getting to me".
I have to admit though......later on that night when I was alone....there were a few tears.
J looked bad physically. He continues to drink though yesterday he appeared sensible
as he did. He has gained quite a bit and his stomach protrudes far beyond the waist of his
jeans. His face/neck were flushed and he was perspiring just standing around as we talked.
There was also detected very labored breathing in that relaxed stance. He face is showing dramatic signs of aging. Not once was he asked how he was. It is so apparent. He ended up going to the living room and setting saying he was going to let me and Brian continue our conversation. When I got ready to leave, I went to say good bye. He was sitting bent over
with his head in hands. I asked if he was alright. He said his back was still giving him lots
of pain. All that was said, "I'm sorry to hear that." I then kissed and hugged my son goodbye and said I see you later. Brian responded, but what I didn't expect was for J too as well. He said, "I see you later too."
As I said, when I got home the tears began. Yet I head right for the computer and went straight to the Big Book. Over and over, I concentrated on the line, "I admit I am powerless." I hate what alcohol has done to my husband!!!!!! Yet by reading and rereading that line I know I am powerless and have know control over what J does, what he says. I will always love him that is a certainty, just as much as I love my children. I CANNOT control what they do, however. I asked my daughter if when she saw her father she had notice all this physical stuff. She said yes. That is as far as it went. I know my children love him, yet they are young so the drinking still has an appeal to them. It just really saddens me that they have yet to realize that out of their own fears of possibly loosing any kind of relationship/contact they refuse to stand up to their father about his drinking. In fact, the boys go there and drink with him. And there is absolutely nothing that I can do or say that can change their minds. Thus over and over....."I am powerless. I can only control me."
So my freind, it is suggested.....go back over those steps.......and do only what you yourself can do and don't worry about others opinions. As said before, people will do or say what they want regardless of what the truth may be.
Will keep you in prayers.
Hugs,
Wanda

As a long time remodeling contractor I have to admit, remodels are typically tough on relationships.

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
   it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
   it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
   but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
   the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
   it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
   but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
   but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
   but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
   but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
   it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
   but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
   but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
   but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
   but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
   but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more
      Remember: The time to love is short

 ------ author unknown