I was wondering... is anyone interested in posting their story? Most parts of the country (USA) this is done in meetings but called by different names, "speaker", "share", "lead", etc.
Obviously we'd be talking about a short form, and speaking for myself I'd want to leave out specifics or details that could break anonymity - mine or anyone else's. But I'd be interested in hearing from some of you, new and old, what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now.
hi. first drink at age 12 fellin love with booze from that moment, It fixed everything, drank off and on till age 24, had a few problems so first visit to aa, wasnt that sick (yet). went through hell for the next 20 years, found aa at age 44 agian, been sober for 2 years, i love aa and its fellowship, i do alot of service work in aa also.by the grace of god i go!!!! wagon
I'm 30 years old. I didn't start drinking until I was 23. I might have tasted alcohol a few times before that but I had no immediate response to it. I was a health nut and didn't want to ever drink. At 23, a few things in life happened and my coping skills proved weak. I started seeing a therapist and went back on antidepressants (I'd been put on prozac when I was around 17 . . . no, that's not what I'm on now). I had extreme selfesteem issues and even though I'm not hideous or a complete idiot I found it difficult to believe anyone could love me (romantically). I worked a lot on myself in therapy and finally started dating (but very little). Between 23 and 27 my drinking was not consistent, as in every day, but my drinking habits were NEVER healthy. Funny how couldn't see it because I was physically healthy and because I'd sometimes go a few weeks without drinking. But when I did drink it was a lot and not to enjoy the taste or even socializing that came with it, but it was to chase the buzz or to turn off. I'd drink alone more often than not because my reasons were usually negative and I didn't want to be around people during those low moments. When I was 28, I finally allowed a man to become closer to me than ever before. It was not a healthy relationship, and he was not the kindest of people (I discovered). By the time he left (and even though it broke my heart I was relieved) I was drinking every day and often too much. In the last two years I missed going to work a couple of times because I had literall made myself sick--we're talking throwing up through out the next day, a fever, and just bad stuff. I injured myself a few times I got really drunk. Fortunately, because I am a closet drunk, when I hurt myself I'm at home and I can't do too much to myself besides humilate myself in front of close friends. I've been trying to quit drinking, or really lighten it up since last Summer and finally, after a culmination of all kinds of krap in my life these past few months I decided to face the reality: I'm an alcoholic. I'm not allowed to drink anymore. There's still krap to clean up in my life and I still have the depressing challenges to deal with, but I feel like every day I choose not to drink I am accomplishing a vicotry and because I'm not drinking, on good days, I get a heck of a lot more done. It's been 17 days now since I last had a drink. I don't know what I'll choose tomorrow, what stumblings might lay in the future, but today I choose not to drink. Instead, I choose sleep, hagan daz, and a journal. Funny thing is, even with all the extra sweets, I'm still losing weight (from no more alcohol)! So, as I'm sure you understand by now, I'm new not just to this forum, but to being honest wtih myself about my addiction. -Laura Oh, and Phil, your quick autobiography sounded like a country song (hope you don't mind my saying) :)
Well I guess it's my turn since I started this. I need to work on a short form anyway.
My dad was an alcoholic, died a long time ago. My childhood had some unusual aspects, but it wasn't really bad. No abuse or neglect. I really never planned to be an alcholic like my dad, but I never said I'd never drink either. Hated school. But didn't drink until college, and then I discovered the thing that had been missing in my life... beer! It took me about a year to drink my way out of college, and I went to work. I liked working a lot better than school, my lack of schooling didn't seem to be a problem. The people I worked with liked to drink. Smoked pot some in my college days but didn't like it... once I turned 21 and could buy my own beer/booze, I had no use for pot.
Fast forward 13 years. Married, kids... one of them showing signs of being a "problem child" before she developed her own alcohol/drug problem. I drank at home, by myself, every night... there was no great crisis, no deep bottom or fall. Just an ever-deepening rut. I had never really tried to stop drinking. Probably the longest time I was sober between when I started, and when I went to AA, was about 2 weeks. And I hated being dry. I tried to control my drinking, limit it to one or two beers... or go the week without drinking and drink only on the weekends. I couldn't... I found myself knocking off the better part of a 12-pack every night, or the better part of a 5th of bourbon... but mainly, beer.
Walked into an AA meeting, austensibly to learn more about alcoholism and how I could avoid becoming one... or how I could control my drinking. I did learn some things, and strangely enough, I haven't had a drink since. I did the better part of 90 meetings in my first 90 days. Probably 85 anyway. The 90/90 I've found is a good tool later on, when crap is going on in my life. Saturation with meetings is a good thing. Normally I go to two meetings a week - my home group, and one other which varies... but when I go out of town, I like to go to a meeting every day if possible, just to experience the AA culture in other towns. Ever been to Hollywood Late Night?
I have been divorced, broke, had plenty of money, bought things, lost things, have seen every one of my kids face life-threatening issues and survive, seen the birth of grandchildren, started a business, lost a business, gotten in (and out) of a relationship with a psycho woman... all of this since I got sober. When I was drinking, not much happened.
What it's like now? Pretty quiet. I am not addicted to excitement anymore. I got sobriety quickly, but serenity and peace were more on the "sometimes slowly" side for me. Intuitively knowing how to handle things that used to baffle me... yep, lots of things baffled me, although when I was drinking the last thing I'd ever do was admit to being baffled. I don't know how to handle everything intuitively, but I seem to have a fairly reasonable response to many things. I don't get the attention I used to get - acting an ass is a good way to get attention. After decades living like that, it's nice to just be left alone sometimes.
I think back to the first time I REMEMBER having a drink. I believe it was Thanksgiving at home. I was about 6 or 7 mabe and relations were coming for the feast. Mom had made some spiked egg nog and I had NO idea about what that was except that it tasted good and, before company arrived and when nobody was looking (either that or not paying attention), I was tapping heavily into it. By the time anyone noticed I must have been pretty pie-eyed because I do remember falling down some and being put to bed without dinner to sober up. I can't think of any serious drinking habits before I injured myself in '89 and '91. Yeah, there was the teenage stuff that's pretty typical for the late 60's-early 70's: beerfests and drugs, make love not war... Married at 23 and a career in industry for a lot of years. No unusual drinking I would say for the son of two functional alcoholic parents with good work ethics who saw that I had all the things I needed and most of what I wanted in the formative years. No abuse, lot's of love and I tried to pass that on to my own sons. Then in '89 I injured my thoracic spine. A couple months of rehab and an injury in the same area in '91. Lots of continuos pain. The doctors said that I should change careers- a hard thing to do with 11 and 13 year old children to provide for. In '93 I injured myself for the last time. Docs said no more work. That turned into too much time on my hands and too little to do. I had lost my career, the hobbies I had had all my life (hunting and fishing), and the new pastime of about 8 years of coaching (teaching), reffing, and playing soccer. Pain medication and alcohol were extremely soothing and became my new love. That ended a marriage of 16 years. After a couple of years of wallowing in extreme self-pity I cashed in my chips back East (Boston area) and "retired' to live on a sailboat I bought on the West coast and wallowed in only more mild self-pity and semi-drunken/medicated indulgence in life. After nearly drinking myself to death a couple of times, I was introduced to AA. I have been in and out for over a decade now. Most out there, but not by a whole lot. I have almost overcome the feeling of being worthless as a man/human being not "bringing home the bacon" with a new attempt at a career of artistic expression in wood creations (Oh....It's just woodworking!), but I DO feel worthwhile again. Life is extremely good now and I truly believe that alcohol is indeed finally a part of my past life and not future. I'm always on guard for the temptation...as I know the serious baggage the temporary "joy"of it carries for me. And that's the "short version"....Tim
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