It is our job to identify our needs, and then determine a balanced way of getting those needs met. We ultimately expect our Higher Power and the Universe - not one particular person - to be our source.
It is unreasonable to expect anyone to be able or willing to meet our every request. We are responsible for asking for what we want and need. It's the other person's responsibility to freely choose whether or not to respond to our request. If we try to coerce or force another to be there for us, that's controlling. There's a difference between asking and demanding. We want love that is freely given. It is reasonable to have certain and well defined expectations of our spouse, children, and friends.
It is reasonable to sprinkle our wants and needs around and to be realistic about how much we ask or expect of any particular person. We can trust ourselves to know what's reasonable.
The issue of expectations goes back to knowing that we are responsible for identifying our needs, believing they deserve to get met, and discovering an appropriate, satisfactory way to do that in our life.
Today, I will strive for reasonable expectations about getting my needs met in relationships.
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
This is a tough one for me. coming from a very dysfunctional and violent family, my needs were never met. I came to expect - nothing. I may think I don't deserve anything,, or that I do,, but it seems to me to be the rule of thumb that people only give what they can when they expect something back. Fair weather friends,, and absent family.
However, my Higher Power has let me know,, that I'm not alone, and that I do have a heavenly Father who loves me and who wants me, deserving or not, to have my realy needs met and it is through him that they are. Even if it is that he sends some angel of mercy who serves him to help. did anyone ever come along just at the right time to do just the thing you needed?
I do have a sense of fair and unfair though, and that people 'should' try their best to hold up their end of a relationship, and I'm getting better at communicating that. It's still hard for me to communicate my needs without feeling guilty, but I don't put up with abuse any more.
This is a thought to ponder.
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
I have to say that reading this post was a bizarre experience for me today. The school I teach in is in the poorest county in one of the poorest states in our country. I have incredibly high rates of homelessness (I don't mean homeless families, I mean homeless kids), mental illness, violence, domestic abuse, pregnancy, and of course MEGA substance abuse problems. Our dropout rate is in the top %15 in the country. The amount of dysfunction that I deal with on a regular basis is amazing. In the morning today, I had a girl go into seizures from over dosing on pills that she popped. Next period we went into "lockdown" mode because of an extremely violent drug episode in one of the bathrooms. I regularly spend time helping kids catch up after school--a practice which is frowned on because it is considered "unsafe" and in class, I am often teaching kids who are too high or traumatized to concentrate.
This being said, the teacher/student relationship is a complicated one. The idea of "expectations of others", in regards to both students and teachers in our school environment, is even more complicated. Everytime I think I have clearly outlined reasonable expectations, I seem to find that these expectations are no longer reasonable.
At this point, I am reduced to starting every day with a prayer, showing up and having no expectations for the people around me beyond protecting myself from physical or verbal abuse.
Does anybody have any experience around trying to maintain in a similar environment?
