Talked to my son again, told him that I've had enough and that I've cut him off completely. (money, etc) Gave Him a certain time limit to get himself a job.
Left a note this mornin for him to be out looking for a job by the time I get up, No more excuses and that I gave him 3 weeks or otherwise he's not gonna like the results if he doesn't
Just want to respond to Phil
Want to say thank you, for your advice and that well I know that he's into alot of things and that the people he associates with aren't pleasant. and know that this is a small town.
Just want you to know, that I'm awhere of eveything he's doing and don't approve of it, and takin the necessary steps to change that. By detachin and enablin and letting go of it all.
Told my son that he is now, from here on out, not gettin any more period from me at all, He is now upset and angry. but you know that is to be expect, and I'm following threw with my decision......
Tina, I know how hard and heart wrenching this is. Had to say the same to two of mine. And they (hopefully) have both hit bottom. Sean has over three years in NA, and SunnyLynne, in prison, has been clean even longer. She said drugs are more available in prison than they were on the streets, but she's been moved to the honors wing of the prison and is no longer in with the general population except during yard time. Her life and Sean's have been more balanced than ever since their bottoms hit within a few months of eachother. My parents through me out and kept my son with the understanding that I could visit only when I cleaned up. I wish they had done it a few years sooner, but everything in it's time. Maybe it wouldnt have worked had it been sooner. But having my parents, who'd gotten me out of mess after mess for years, let me go was the best thing that could have happened. And today, twenty odd years later, I have an awesome and loving relationship with them. Hang tough, Tina, my prayers are with you. hugs, chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Dear Tina, Hope you read my reply to your first post. All that my brother went through with his wife and two of their children. He has faced it all with such grace. My AH used all kinds of excuses for his drinking........his affair........and our financial problems. I never understood the truth about being co-dependant. When he moved out and was making plans with his mistress........our three kids were so supportive toward me. They were teens.......trying to find their niche between childhood and adulthood. They were told many times the hidden dangers of alcohol and drugs. Yet peer pressure plus the trauma that their father might not have anything to do with them if they stood up to his drinking (and adultery). To say the least they started delving. They hated seeing me cry, ect. They as well hated the boundaries I set. They began to challenge everything. I set boundaries.......and of course when the rules were broken..... they did not like the responsibility for their actions. It IS so hard..........they are a part of us. I cried and prayed and cried and prayed some more. The hardest was when one of the boys was "acting" out all his feelings. He drank even on school nights and then began stealing things. I kept threatening....... He figured out I would "put up" rather than act. Simultaneosly I realized the error of doing that. I gave him a choice one night "take it back or I call the cops." the following night as I came in the drive I saw the back door wide opened and serveral lights on. No vehicles anywhere......and of course I thought robbery and wondered what lie beyond that door. then here he came pulling in... I asked if he knew what was going on........."I AM moving out" I was stunned. Okay my heart was wrenching yet I had to let him go. Had he taken back the stolen item? Yes, are you happy?! It was for the best. I have been called names because I said "no". I've been asked to host underage drinking parties. Sorry no way. I have been told they understand why dad left. Wrong. I've had cops bring my kids home and tell me to my face not to be angry. I've heard comments about peers and how "stupid" they are for drinking so much (taking drugs) I simply say, "Isn't that harsh considering you do the same........" And I have been left out of some very important occasions in their life...... all because I refuse to drink refuse to buy them alcohol, ect.,refuse to be a part of all that goes with alcohol. Above all I've had to realize they are (even though they will always be my babies) capable and entitled to make choices, as I am. And whatever responsibilites or the results of those choices are they belong to my children individually. Whether they are choic es that will lead to healthy productive lives is yet to be seen. I can only pray and hope. I so relate to your heart in this. Pesevere and have faith (that what you are doing will be for your son's greater good whether he understands it right now.) I too went through times with my own parents........and now oh how I see their wisdom.
Just wanted to say thank you again um you hit tne nail right on the button. That's where I'm at, and well, some days it's like runnin into the wall but have to step back and brace myself.
God grant me the serenity to except the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
