Doing Better

OkDokey · Member

Doing Better

Laura · Senior Member

" I wonder if being an alcoholic means that I was born without emotional boundaries? "

Interesting question. It seemed like an insanely tight dam or a gushing flood with my emotional boundaries growing up, but thankfully I've gotten better with that over the past six or seven years. It's definitely a quality within me that is present; I've just learned how to work with it. Perhaps you're onto something--difficulties with emotional boundaries could be a symptom (as alcoholism is) of our disease or pychological problems or our genetic predisposition . . . whatever it is.

Good to hear you had a good day teaching! That's awesome. :)

Laura

RyanS · Senior Member

Thats great!
I never had so useful a tool as simply giving myself over to some effort which was for the good of others, or even towards my needs. Couldn't stress this enough for someone going through difficulties. Once my focus is off 'me', a whole heap of stinking thinking will just evaporate. Usually my perspective is the problem to begin with.

-- Edited by RyanS at 08:20, 2007-02-27

Phil · MIP Old Timer

Emotional Sobriety

There is much more to life than being physically sober. There is much more to sobriety than having the obsession for alcohol removed. Sober isn’t much fun - unless we can learn to be happy and sober. To be happy and sober requires emotional sobriety. The Fourth Step is our first action step towards physical and emotional sobriety.

We are in a process to recreate our lives. We made a decision to give up our old plans for living and to try A.A.’s 12 Step Plan for Living. The Fourth Step is our first action step. It is here that we know whether or not we really took Steps 1, 2 and 3.

Step Four is a fact-finding and fact-facing process. We are searching for "causes and conditions."

We want to uncover the truth about ourselves. We want to discover the attitudes, thoughts, beliefs, fears, actions, behaviors, and the behavior patterns - that have been blocking us, causing us problems and causing our failure.

We want to learn the exact nature our "character defects" and what causes us to do the unacceptable things we do - so that once they are removed - we can acquire and live with new attitudes, thoughts, beliefs, actions and behaviors for our highest good, and for the highest good of those with whom we come in contact.

This prepares us to live a life of purpose - where we can be in maximum fit condition to be of service to others. And, by taking inventory and learning the exact nature of our wrongs - we will be able to recognize when we might be slipping into our old way of life - and headed for new problems, and possibly relapse.

If you doubt that you have any problems -- just think back to the last time that you felt restless, irritable and discontented. Remember when you got angry - with your self or with another person. Remember the last time you were disturbed. Remember the last time you had a problem or troubles. The last time you felt uncomfortable and not at ease in a situation. What was it? Whom was it with? What happened?

amanda2u2 · MIP Old Timer

Trying to remember my child development stuff from college. Babies usually identify with the mother and have no boundaries there. Then they begin to realize that they are separage beings, and boys make a switch to identifying with their fathers, where that is possible. There is a process called 'individuation' where we develop our selves. Some families are dysfunctional in being 'codependent' or 'enmeshed' and their boundaries are messed up. If one comes from such a dysfunctional family then what we learn is dysfunctional and needs to be relearned as part of our recovery journey.

amanda