an interesting topic, love. i mean really, what is it? how does it manifest itself in our lives? when in active addiction i didnt see too much evidence of love, in fact more of the opposite. so how can you tell if someone loves you or is using you to meet their own selfish needs? how do you tell if YOU are using someone for selfish purposes? i know for myself, i used people just like booze at first. i had no clue how to really love or be loved...took some hard lessons (and some pleasant ones) still always learning. everyone in the program teaches me about love, you are family. some i really love and like....some i dont.. real life, real drama. i have seen relationships gone wrong literally kill people. its scary to watch when someone you care about is determined to persue "whatever" when virtually everyone recommends against it. like ryan says, we make "suggestions" and thats it. i am so grateful for what i consider Gods voice when i hear many people saying the same thing. i am grateful that i hear it and dont know why i can...seen so many that miss it somehow. thank you guys for all the times each of you has been Gods voice......xxoo
To me love is in large part about trust. That and caring as much (or even more, though that would sound a wee bit unhealthy taken in the wrong context) about others than I do about myself.
Well my opinion of love is, keep an open mind now just my opinion.
Love comes from with in, one must love one self first in order to be love. I know I am still working on this. Love has different meanings and comes with trust, honesty and doesn't happen over nite.
I feel that one has to work on love, in order to receive love. Love is a part of life and well we all need to feel love through out our lives.
you both mention trust, and loving yourself. coming from a background of severe abuse, that has been among the most difficult lessons. because i blamed myself for "being unlovable,and apparently sexually attractive to adults" it has been a tough haul, again my gratitude in recovery is when i crashed and burned my support people were there with "fire extinguishers" ....i have recieved much help in the way of therapy ect. lots of healing, God is love and i see it all around me.....in the faces of everyone at the meetings....the eyes of my close friends...nature...i still have bad days..it will always be a challenge, i'm up for it though.living the program takes some courage which is why you all have my deepest respect. it aint easy..love you guys
I've spent much time and many years on this question. What is love, and how do I do it?
When my mom said 'I love you', it seems to be that she needed me, she needed to cling to me desperately. When one of my boyfriends said, 'I love you', it meant that he liked the kisses and that I made him feel good, and when I drew the line and he didn't feel so good, he left me for another that would 'put out'. I brought this topic up about a year ago here, and we had an argument about it. I hope we are more ready to accept various perspectives from people who have different experiences. Love can mean different things to different people.
The way I use the word now, sometimes I use a capital L, and sometimes a small l. The small l is for the 'love ' i have for chocolate. The capital L is for the Love that means 'a commitment to work for the well-being and best interest of the beloved'. (although I usually use a small l in my sign -off it is this kind of Love). We can Love people that we don't like.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
