At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear"the rules" From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problemonlyif you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is aProblem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don'tExpect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant theother one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus didNOTneed directions and neither do we.
1. ALL m en see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not Acolor. Pumpkin is also a fruit.We havenoidea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, itwillbe scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely any thing you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what w e're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, orgolf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape.RoundIS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
__________________
"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
This is a list made by an editor of surfer magazine a decade or so back. It's obvious at some points that it's aimed at twenty-something or teenage boys, but still and all it's a pretty alright list.
How to make the most of your youth
A)Pay attention to the universal truth: If you are bored, you’re a boring person.
B)He who is awake lives in a state of constant amazement.
C)Curiousity never killed the cat- the cat just did something stupid.
D)For god’s sake learn a musical instrument- any instrument. Friends and especially foxy girls will invariably love you for it and you will have garunteed sex appeal for the rest of your life.
E)Don’t keep searching for the truth- just let go of your opinions.
F)Be classy, but not over-concerned with appearances.
G)Don’t let the bastards keep you down.
H)Find a good teacher and listen closely.
I)Remember that there is beauty in all women.
J)Live every act fully, as if it were your first.
K)Remember that most of the sorrows of the earth humans have caused for themselves.
L)Turn the goddamned TV off.
M)Skateboard whenever you can.
N)Remember that drunk driving will kill your best friends.
O)Fresh breath is sexy.
P)The trouble is that you think you have time. You are wrong. Time has you.
Q)Remember that your only task is to keep breathing with a noble spirit.
R)Passionately chasing your dream will give you the power of ten men.
S)Wear braces if you must- it’ll pay off in the long run like you wouldn’t believe.
T)Good posture attracts the best girls.
U)Sing with a full voice- even if you are horrible- and enjoy every minute of it.
V)Learn how to properly dance with someone- you’ll get laid more than Taj Burrow.
W)Gods suppressed become demons. Find your spiritual path. Believe in powers beyond yourself. Be spiritual. Have rituals. Pray. If nothing else, at least you will know how to talk to yourself- and more importantly- how to listen.
X)Find a dog that you can love, and care for him or her like a saint.
Y)Never look for a girl you want to sleep with- always look for a girl you want to wake up with.
Happy single valentines day to myself. The best thing about it, if I don't get a card from me, I won't be too bent outta shape. I can even forget it falls on feb. 13th if I want, I won't offend me to much. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How many men does it take to open a beer? None, It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "Ryan once told me..."
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog of course, He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told
I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
Women will never be equal to men Until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Ryan and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Ryan has rested.
LOL although a women u guys really made me laugh.I am ali and i am an alcoholic.I am a newbie and also a newcomer i attended my first meeting on monday have been sober for a week now.Just wanted to say thanks for making today easier for me. many blessings and much love alixx
.Just wanted to say thanks for making today easier for me.