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Post Info TOPIC: Letting Go Of Those Not In Recovery


MIP Old Timer

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Letting Go Of Those Not In Recovery
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We can go forward with our life and recoveries, even though someone we love is not yet recovering.

Picture a bridge. On one side of the bridge it is cold and dark. We stood there with others in the cold and darkness, doubled over in pain. Some of us developed an eating disorder to cope with the pain. Some drank; some used other drugs. Some of us lost control of our sexual behavior. Some of us obsessively focused on addicted people's pain to distract us from our own pain. Many of us did both: we developed an addictive behavior, and distracted ourselves by focusing on other addicted people. We did not know there was a bridge. We thought we were trapped on a cliff.

Then, some of us got lucky. Our eyes opened, by the Grace of God, because it was time. We saw the bridge. People told us what was on the other side: warmth, light, and healing from our pain. We could barely glimpse or imagine this, but we decided to start the trek across the bridge anyway.

We tried to convince the people around us on the cliff that there was a bridge to a better place, but they wouldn't listen. They couldn't see it; they couldn't believe. They were not ready for the journey. We decided to go alone, because we believed, and because people on the other side were cheering us onward. The closer we got to the other side, the more we could see, and feel, that what we had been promised was real. There was light, warmth, healing, and love. The other side was a better place.

But now, there is a bridge between those on the other side and us. Sometimes, we may be tempted to go back and drag them over with us, but it cannot be done. No one can be dragged or forced across this bridge. Each person must go at his or her own choice, when the time is right. Some will come; some will stay on the other side. The choice is not ours.

We can love them. We can wave to them. We can holler back and forth. We can cheer them on, as others have cheered and encouraged us. But we cannot make them come over with us.

If our time has come to cross the bridge, or if we have already crossed and are standing in the light and warmth, we do not have to feel guilty. It is where we are meant to be. We do not have to go back to the dark cliff because another's time has not yet come.

The best thing we can do is stay in the light, because it reassures others that there is a better place. And if others ever do decide to cross the bridge, we will be there to cheer them on.

Today, I will move forward with my life, despite what others are doing or not doing. I will know it is my right to cross the bridge to a better life, even if I must leave others behind to do that. I will not feel guilty. I will not feel ashamed. I know that where I am now is a better place and where I'm meant to be.



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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
TLH


MIP Old Timer

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Amen to that.

Sometimes you just have to go your own way. If I let my friends hold me back I would not be here today.

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Veteran Member

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That can be extremely difficult sometimes... Good to be mindful of.

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---Cynthia
CAM


Senior Member

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thanks phil, 

Great post!


christine

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MIP Old Timer

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That article about what 'letting go' means would be good here.  I like this article because it explains that 'letting go'  does not mean not to do anything, but it means to let go of control.  We cannot control people, places or things, and that is where we make our mistake. 

I also felt guilty about moving out on my own when I was a young adult, leaving my sister to get beatings and I couldn't protect her.  I am learning, though, that I can be as much , or even more help, from a different postition.  I couldn't help while I was in the chaos mentally also.  I can help more from the position of my recovery,  being a positive example, and just even not adding to the mess.

love in recovery,

amanda


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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
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