Hi I'm new to the online forum I posted yesterday and received no response. I figured I must be doing it wrong. I posted as a reply. This is under new posting. Anyway I just typed out my whole deal and erased it, I'm tired. Just want to say it's been a month with no alcohol, not because I wanted to but because I'm pregnant. Let me rephrase, I wanted to stop, I just would not have. I use to have a strong grasp on my faith. I want to have that again. I hope by communication with all of you this will happen. Ten times a day I say "He who is in me is stronger than he who is in the world", lately I feel abandoned, and alone. I realize although my prayer is powerful, it is not enough. I need to communicate my fears and confusion. I hope this works out for me. I'm not sure what else to do.
Sorry to have missed your post yesterday. I went through your past posts and found your first one in the "Welcome Newcomers" thread. I also read your note in my introduction thread:
"Hi toby i was reading your post to laura and i had to laugh. You mention how it is unacceptable to feel like a fool at AA meetings but it IS ok to make an ass out of yourself in public when drunk!"
I don't know about you, but it is this thought process that has kept me from going to a meeting so far. I'm working up the courage to make the decision to go.
I hope your meeting experience was not negative and that's why you haven't returned to an AA meeting.
Congratulations on staying sober for one month! You've shared that it wasn't done because you wanted to quit but because you needed to now that you're pregnant. I think it's wonderful that you've quit for that reason! It sounds like you're still having a hard time with it and that you may have a hard time after giving birth, but I hope you are proud of yourself for loving the child within you and not wanting to harm him or her!
I'm not one of the member here who has commited to the program yet, and I'm still trying jump start sobriety (I didn't drink yesterday . . . small victories :), so I don't know what to say except welcome and I hope you continue to come back and post to let us know how you are doing.
Thanks Laura, congrats! I'm so happy someone got my post. I'm not sure what I'm having a hard time with exactly. The things is, for ten years I lived in a home with a recovering alcoholic. She is very knowledgeable. I was able to utilize the tools of the program in the past. The little rules, however I'm unable to communicate with her for personal reasons and I'm at a loss. I need a lot of guidance. I've misplaced my faith somewhere along the line. My experience at the meeting was not at all negative. People were kind and helpful. They didn't push me to talk or participate. Nobody peeked at me out of the corners of their eyes. Everyone seemed concerned with their own issues. And lots looked as uncomfortable as I felt. I realize that you have not committed to the program. let me say this. I feel like a thief, for years I made use of the tools of this program and still drank. I figured I had the best of both worlds, b/c I knew I wasn't truly like them. I took advantage of the system because I could. The thing is, I'm letting myself off the hook. I'm not that powerful. If the man upstairs wanted me to use the tools to be ok at the time, that was his choice not mine. My point is take what you can get from this because every little bit helps and it will stay with you even if you decide not to post anymore. We're still here. The tools are here.
Thanks Phil. You seem like a senior member. Maybe you can tell me is there a way to go to the most recent posts first when logging on? For example when logging on this morn I wanted to go straight to todays postings only.
Welcome to MIP, Kerri. I found your posts, hidden quietly away, LOL. Once they slip onto page 2 or are at the bottom, they become difficult to see on the board. I was on quite a bit yesterday and totally missed you! So, I'm sorry I didn't welcome you sooner, and I'm glad you are here now. Really glad to hear you aren't drinking during your pregnancy. Thirty two years ago, I hadn't even heard of fetal alcohol syndrome, and I drank through my pregnancy with my daughter. She was born with FAS, and it did manifest in her youth. It's a guilt I wouldn't wish on anyone. She is now in prison. Thankfully, we are now communicating openly, and I was able to work through most (note most) of the guilt. There will always be a remnant of "what if" there. Be emotionally gentle with yourself right now. As much a joy as pregnancy is, it is also a time when emotions are just flying hither and yon. Take it just a day at a time, Kerri. Don't overwhelm yourself with the external things. They will take care of themselves for awhile. Be good to yourself, be secure that your God is with you whether you feel Him or not, and things will unfold the way they should. You've taken a huge step, made a huge decision regarding your life, and I would take comfort in that. Deal with the other things as you begin to feel better. Just suggestions. I'm looking forward to hearing more from you. Blessings, Wren
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
sorry i missed u.....my dad just died recently and im a little messed up. i had a baby in sobriety, he is 12 now. thank god for that one day at a time thing...and the faith thing is something i have had serious trouble with at times. i like hindsight cause i can see where god has saved me, though for some reason i am not aware of it in present time....welcome to this board. ive grown to really depend on it as part of my recovery.
I'd like to say welcome as well. I'm a 35 YO Alcoholic with two duaghters and a wife. I've made a miraculous change in my life through AA. It's by far the most profound change in myself I've ever had. We help each other here and offer advice. Please keep coming back!
