It's 1:30 in the morning here and I'm having a bit of trouble sleeping even though it's been a long working day. I was just sitting back reading a little of "The Prophet" and, as usual when reading it, had to reflect a bit on my life and the lives of all of us unconcious pain-seekers out here.
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
O. K. I'll bet I'm not alone in having faced some good carving up in my time. We alcoholics tend to do a good number on ourselves and others around us. The gouges have run long and deep. How many are out there just waiting for the day that their own become filled with the joy? I've waited long and impatiently, seeking ever for it. And as with most other wants sought, when you cease your looking or give up hope of ever finding it, that which you were searching for appears. My carvings have been filled. I wonder if the carvings I've done, both intentionally and unintentionally to others in my life, have been filled and wounds healed? I do hope so with all my heart. I guess that's part of the amends we try to make. Yes, we do that for others when possible without causing harm, but do we make amends to ourselves for all the pain and crap we've put ourselves though? Yeah, staying clean and sober is kind of doing that, but I'd have to say that's the LEAST we can do for us. After all, we are our own best friends...we have to be...to love ourselves enough to sober up and stay that way...that loving, that best frienship with our own being is a must as I see it. Alright. There's my bedtime thought. I'm heading back to snuggle with the lady now. I'll see if there are any thoughts on this midnight rambling when I awaken. Good morning to you all and have a great and sober day!...Tim
Here's a post script. I just walked into the bedroom and took a good look at her...so beautifully asleep on my piilow. I was overwhelmed with joy and love. So is it true that the more we grow to love ourselves, the more we are able to love others? TE
-- Edited by timverton at 05:29, 2007-01-25
-- Edited by timverton at 05:30, 2007-01-25
-- Edited by timverton at 05:30, 2007-01-25
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"We posess the eyes through which the universe gazes with wonder upon its own majesty."
Thanks for a great share and giving me so much to think about.
For me, I caused great harm to other people and also to myself. I work daily to ensure that I cause no more harm and make full amends for the harm that I have caused. I hope that all of the wounds I have caused have fully healed in others. I hope that with every fibre in my body. In me, I know that the wounds will take a little longer to heal. I would love to think of my own deep carvings being filled with joy. That is a beautiful thought.
Part of the on-going joy of my sobriety is so easily finding the good in people around me. The more I look for it, it is there. Yet, when I was drinking, it was always hidden from me.
And, I truly do believe that the more I love myself the more I am capable of loving other people.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
