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Post Info TOPIC: The love of my life....what a romance....


MIP Old Timer

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The love of my life....what a romance....
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Booze. Beer, really.  I loved it. (I guess I still do). I used to go thru 'phases' and every now and then I'd go to our local Wine World. They sold every thing. Fancy beer in fancy bottles from places like Tazmania.  Fancy wine with fancy names in fancy bottles. There was one, Monkey something or other, the name was awesome and the cork was in the shape of a monkey. Didn't matter that I didn't really like, I would after I'd had a few beers first...They had The coolest bottle openers you've ever seen. Etched beer mugs, and wine goblets and brandy snifters. I once bought a way too expensive martini set - the glass pitcher with the very long solid glass stirrer,  and a set of EIGHT glasses. Funny thing is, I didn't even know how make a martini, but I learned. And when money permitted I drank Dirty ones!.... One Christmas my now ex mother in law went to our local winery and purchased the most expensive bottles of wine I'd ever encountered. So, for many Christmas's after that I made a special trip and charged that wine on my Visa!  It took 3 months to pay it off!  2 bottles -  1 bottle I  consumed while cooking dinner and the other was saved for company, thank goodness THEY weren't drinkers or I would have had to share more than one glass...I went thru a wine tasting phase and joined a 'group'.....I spent a vacation one year in Tennessee touring the Jack Daniels distillary, and for months after I went out of my way to stock contents needed to make all the drinks in the recipe book I purchased......I drank Cold Duck because I liked the way it 'popped' when I opened the bottle........I ordered Cabo Wabo Tequila from Sammy Hagar online and proceeded to purchase the margarita glass set! S&H was over $50 alone.....Ah, what a love affair I had with alcohol and all that went along with it.....Many things keep me sober today, my HP of course,  but the one that really hits home is what Phil said; "the shit didn't always hit the fan when I drank, but every time it did, I'd been drinking".........Just needed to share

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MIP Old Timer

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What a great, honest share Jen. I had one of those "Shoppes" just up the street from home where I lived in Mass. It was operated by two brothers and they were connoiseurs (sp?) of wines, beers, and pretty much all spirits. I don't think they had the problem with alcohol that we have. They had the beers from all over the world (I don't remember one from Tazmania though) and I used to love trying them. Some of the flavors were fantastic and showed the hand-crafted work that went into them. Then of course was the "buzz factor" or as more widely known; the alcohol content. Some were WAY up there as compared to U.S. made. These guys actually had their dad bring me back a bottle of cognac from the Virgin Islands, I'm not sure if it was Hennesey or Coervoisier (sp?), but it was in a gold bottle and you couldn't buy it in the States. I don't even recall what it cost me but it was a delight at the time. Wines...Yeah. I recall a bottle of Chateau Margeaux (sp?) and I believe it was a '70 or '71 maybe, but it was a very good and extremely expensive bottle. Trouble was that I couldn't discern the difference from a '94 Ripple! Oh well.

I had some fun and experienced some great flavors. I'm just glad I don't go there any more. I can't. I don't even want to. There are some fine memories though, but attached to them all is a dark side that I choose to forget when I think about them.

It really is a great life being sober. Food is better and that's probably because I spend more time adding love during the preparation. I'm really into teas now and always have a cup with me (It would have been a drink if I were still there; the lame idiot that I was) and I enjoy the different flavors of the differently grown ones, the Earl Grey with the oil of bergamot hint, darjeeling, good black, and good green, and a number of others. And I don't have to pay a physical or mental price to enjoy them!!! And my love life now...WOW. The booze seemed to replace and/or "suppress" a good portion of my libido (desire AND performance-wise).but no more. Christ, I'm acting like I was in my late teens early twenties and I NEVER thought I could EVER be able to DO THAT again.

And the level of creativity with my wood! The mind is working so artistically and the hands and body work the machinery to follow along and turn ideas/designs to reality. There may be a chance in the future that Michelle and I (she is the ONLY woodworker I have ever met, male or female, whom I trust to do the quality of work that I do myself...and vice versa) may make a name for ourselves. Business is picking up and we are getting a word-of-mouth reputation....and this is only the beginning.. It truly is a wonderful life in sobriety!

Love in recovery and thanks again for starting this thread with your own honesty Jen...Tim

-- Edited by timverton at 00:23, 2007-01-22

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Martinis, eh? I lived next door to a couple mexican chicks in Houston, by Johnson Space Center. They decided I needed culture and got me into wine and martinis. Influenced by Richard Marcinco (Rogue Warrior), who was right up there with Jesus Christ as far as I was concerned, I got into Bombay Sapphire. Now after a couple martinis, I was sufficiently cultured for the evening, and would proceed to drink the sapphire and eat the olives before going back to beer. And if I ran out of everything, I had the vermouth for a backup plan.

My apartment was the 'spot' for all my old buddies. Me and 'ol Paul could down a fifth or two and a couple cases of budweiser, and Solomon hanging out with Macavelli couldn't have matched our all-night long debates. We would run on and on, until everyone else had either left or passed out, eventually see daylight through the window, and realize we had drank enough to kill an elephant without really getting drunk. And then make coffee. Usually though, once I got going, everyone had to go. Drinking was serious business.  I usually helped this along with my antics, like splitting my chin in half on the floor and sitting back down for cards with blood pouring all over the table.

 I liked wine so much, I figured out it was kinda like beer, after a few cups, taste wasn't an issue, so I switched to ten dollar cartons. I was always a walking calculator on bang for my buck, and ten dollars worth of cheap wine made for more drunk than the same worth of anything else. Until I moved here and found 30 packs. Spent the last couple years drunk downing around a 30 pack of milwaukee's best or anything ice every evening.(cheap, near as strong as wine). I had to have an extra beer or two in my pocket, no matter the fridge was full, just walking around the house.

And every morning before work... looking in the fridge to see how much left I had, even though I would hit the store when I got off, counting em up, just knowing while I worked they where there. 

Hard liquor should have been perfect for me,  but once I blacked out I drank it like water, quit a few serious incidents when I'd get a half gallon or a couple of fifths to last a few days or so, and downed it the first evening. Shoulda killed me, and the real serious part was there was a space of time between downing it all and dropping like a fly where I was a walking zombie and got it in my head to go off on a mission somewhere.



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MIP Old Timer

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Thanks, guys, for "sharing back".......Not sure where all that came from. I suppose it's more being revealed. Things that I didnt' think mattered..I guess they really do.....It amazed me how it just flooded into my head last night....... Ya'll have a grateful, sober Monday!

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MIP Old Timer

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I was a connoiseur of fine wines also, not an alcoholic.  I knew how to breathe it, sip it, swish it.    I also explored kinds of brandy. And vermouth became my favorite.  I didn't/don't like dry white wines. I like the sweet.   I drank sangria, and Bristol Creme.  But I also really liked, and I'm not ashamed, Manischewitz.  Now with wine, with the lower content of alcohol, I could gauge how much was needed to get just the right 'glow' without getting sick drunk.  I didn't like hard liquor for that reason,  just a few little ones put me over the edge too quickly.  My goal was the buzz and not total oblivion. Brandy worked for this too, but with less, so it had to be gauged more carefully.  Well, but,,  I got to taking 'one more for the road', or, rather I would say 'for good measure'.   I got into liqueurs,  I liked the tastes. Beer was okay.  I liked it with popcorn and pretzels, but it tended to make me dizzy and nauseous.  I hate that part.

I met the love of my life.  He was also into alcohol, marijuana, and other things, and I ventured into those with him.  They seemed delightful at the time. We went to clubs.   We broke up, and that's when I started drinking to forget, and to numb out.  "Red, red wine, go to my head, make me forget that I still love him so.... "

Well,, there's more to the story.  But the reason I decided to go into recovery is another part of my experience.  

We tell how it was, what happened, and how it is now, right?  But many groups of AA and NA don't allow this kind of shares,  calling it 'drinking thinking' and too likely to lead to a nostalgic desire to reexperience what seem to be, without playing the tape through,  very pleasant experiences. 

love in recovery,

amanda



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Hi all,

I was a beer and a shot type of guy.  Always the same - Bud and a shot of Jameson.  No playing around. I thought that made me real hard. I went into a bar once, Harper's Ferry, and ordered my usual.  I then played "I Drink Alone" by George Thorogood about seven times in a row.  I just knew everyone in the bar was blown away by what a rough character I was.  Wine? Not for this cowboy! (from Boston? Geez.)



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AA dosn't allow? I am AA. So are you. An occasional war story never hurt anyone. Gives newcomers something to share. And if it still worked like the 'good ol days', I'd still be doing it. One of these days, if I don't decide to check and see if it got fixed, I'll have sober good ol days to talk about. All these newcomers going back out keep doing the checking for me, and reminding me what it was like. They have my appreciation. Havn't had a good report yet....



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MIP Old Timer

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amanda2u2 wrote:

We tell how it was, what happened, and how it is now, right?  But many groups of AA and NA don't allow this kind of shares,  calling it 'drinking thinking'


Never heard of such.  In a meeting I will share whatever I need  to make me "better"! I would not call my recollection of romance w/alcohol ' drinking thinking' I would call it  a REVELATION!

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MIP Old Timer

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Well,,  I said some groups don't allow it, and that is the truth.  I didn't give my opinion on it.  I actually did share some of mine above ^, so you might guess that I think it is alright,,  sometimes.  I have seen it happen that people get into drug dreams and drinking thinking and it is called playing only the first half of the tape,, the nice part,,   and omitting the embarrassing stuff that followed.  But that is on them.  I can listen and share all kinds of nice memories of my wine tasting days, and very warm glows.   I still love the taste, and the glow.  In fact,, if I could have the good part without the bad part,, I would. 

So, as far as I'm concerned,,  it's fine with me. Those were the days, eh?  We thought they'd never end.  But,, it is still true that some groups don't allow it. 

I remember one time.. having a really nice buzz on, and I was with a bunch of friends,,,  it was fun, camaraderie..  So we couldn't walk straight.  I started singing , 'Good Time Charlie's Got the Blues',,, and I hung on the the last note forever,, and flat.   lol    They threw me into the bushes.  lol   forgot what we were actually drinking that time.

love in recovery,

amanda



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To get a little sappy, a love story all right, but all the romance was in the first chapters. Over the years the plot twisted into more of a Stephen King novel.

I left out most the good stuff- blood and gore, broken bones, broken back, nearly drowning at sea multiple times, greyhound busses, wife sitting on the floor outside the bathroom crying because I locked myself away with my beer every evening, kids taken while I sat helpless in jail, broken leases, utilities cut off, living paycheck to paycheck in motels, driving off even the roughest of my friends, saying goodbye to the woman I was supposed to always be there for because we couldn't find a place we could both stay at the same time.

And the deeper I sank, alone and with a wind of spirit, but not from God, blowing through me, with some bewildering, growing chasm between me and the 'good' in life, knowing it was there, but in a place I could no longer reach, like the fellow trapped on some deserted planet in an old twilight zone episode. 

My friends, my wife, family, they all lived in my head like Tom Hanks and wilson the soccer ball. How I desperately relived those 'good 'ol days' like a broken record.

 No, I had some good times, quite a few, but I cannot look back without shuddering at where I was headed. Not here, to AA, but to oblivion.


 It was all fool's gold. A good story and a laugh among company, painful truths laid bare reflecting back in solitude, but there's no glory in the past. Only lessons. And hopefully here and there, having lived my own, maybe spoiling the ending for the newcomer who hasn't lived that far yet. Most of us don't make it through those final chapters.



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"the shit didn't always hit the fan when I drank, but every time it did, I'd been drinking"


Best

quote

EVER!






I feel like tattooing it on my forehead


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