Restraint of pen and tongue was a foreign concept to me when I arrived in the rooms. Before recovery I was quick to speak my mind even when my mind wasnt made up it didnt matter. I was quick to retaliate for perceived wrongs, quick to take your inventory when I was feeling less than, and quick to tear you down to make myself feel better. And if I had been drinking, the insults, judgements and condemnations flowed even more. Afterwards, regret was heavy and the familiar feelings of shame would descend forcing me to retreat into the bottle once again.
When I got sober I heard the saying that feelings werent facts. As such, I was told that I didnt have to act on every feeling I had, instead I could write about it, pray about it, and share them with other people. I could restrain from acting on them and wait until I had a clear direction as to how to react. What I found was that nine times out of ten the feelings would pass, and I was glad I hadnt acted on them. I was also relieved that I had less regrets because I hadnt said hurtful things.
Now that Im sober a while I still have to be constantly vigilant about acting on or saying things that I might regret later. For instance, in my new neighborhood, a neighbors dog barks pretty much constantly and Im pretty annoyed. Ive written a letter expressing how I feel, but I havent delivered it yet. As time passes Ive been very relieved as I know Ive avoided the guilt and shame that I would feel if the neighborhood discovered I was the letter writer. And besides, when Im in my house, I dont even hear the dog!
Today I really feel the truth in the words: Ive never regretted something I didnt say
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Copyright @ 2016 Michael Z
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
