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Post Info TOPIC: Etiquette Regarding Sobriety Chips


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Etiquette Regarding Sobriety Chips
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Is it customary to accept a chip from several meeting group locations, in addition to your home group? For example. a 30 day chip from multiple meetings?



-- Edited by Roman on Wednesday 14th of September 2016 07:17:15 PM

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Sure. I have seen it done many times.



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I don't know that I would say that it is 'customary', but I, for one, do not have any problems with anyone who does ... I think it more of a 'personal choice' more than anything else ... some people prefer not to get 'special recognition' and others like it just fine ... I think it important to get one from your 'home group' cause it shows 'newer' members that progress can be theirs too ... it's an encouragement to them ... and that same encouragement can also be good for meetings outside your home group as well ...

 

Pappy



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Consider that the individual meeting has to purchase those chips from their treasury which also contributes to 4 other entities including sending representatives to conferences and such I would openly suggest that getting the recognition once was recognition itself.  Additionally those in our area and especially my home groups are encouraged because of the financial situation to recycle their chips at their anniversary so that those coming up behind them carry the recovery already commenced.  We have fellows who have come forward with multiple chips without a problem.  Can we learn to think outside the box?  I lightly scratched my initials in it and passed it on hoping others would do the same.  We are a fellowship.   aww



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I endorse what Jerry says - most groups, the world over, are struggling financially & the chips cost money of course. Money which should be used to fulfil our primary purpose - to carry the message to the still suffering alcoholic. I would say accept the chip gratefully from your Home Group & at other groups show newcomers, by example, that AA works.
With peace, love & serenity xxx

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Idk...the chips I got we're all plastic poker chips, up until the year medallion, which is some kind of metal. I think poker chips probably cost about $.05 a piece. I don't have any issue with anybody getting multiple chips. 

But recycling is a good idea...for anything. Except 1 thing. I noticed at the supermarket, you can buy recycled toilet paper. I'm really not in with that. I kinda like my TP to be brand new.



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LMAO ... thanks Baba ... ... ...



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Yeah, my feeling is one chip only (from my home group). But being a newbie, thought I'd get other opinions. Besides, why do I need more than one 30 day chip? I like the idea of the chip. I carry it with me and it reminds me of why I'm in the AA program.

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Your thinker is working good Roman and using empathy and compassion with it...strange for an alkie I think.  wink

 



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Maybe the people who get multiple chips think It ups their sobriety time. 

Hmmm... If I get one 30 day chip from this group, and then go the next day to another group and get one, I will have 60 days. and if I go to a third one, I will have done my 90/90 in just 30 days. 

But, it doesn't work like that.



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imo....their is no etiquette in picking up chips. It was suggested to me that the first chip was for me and that I should pick up chips every day for a week to let others know that "it works". The first chip was for me and the rest were for others.

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I still have one of each of the first year chips given to me by various groups.
There is an unlimited supply of these things on my site. You can download as many as you want and they are free. :)

I also have a bronze anniversary medallion for each year of sobriety.
Those I purchased online from Network 12 @ $1.10ea.

Marc


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There are a couple of groups here that do not hand out chips at all. After a few relapses, I stopped picking up chips. Was even told by another member that I was "lying" to the group about my sobriety if I didn't pick up another white chip. I didn't go back to a meeting for a couple of months at least after that.

The chips helped me for awhile. It felt good to go pick up that first, 30 day, 60 day, 90 day and 1 year one. Felt great to pick up that 2 year one. It was humiliating and embarrassing to pick up another white one after that, then another....it felt shameful to have people come up to me and ask me what happened and tell me I needed to change sponsors, stop coming to meetings with a person I had been coming to meetings with during all my sobriety time, to do this and do that. And it felt just awful to lose people who I thought were my friends after I relapsed and to lose more and more after continued relapsing. I felt like a leper. And the embarrassment I felt when I was part of shares with people looking right at me and talking to me and advising me during the meeting time was almost unbearable. Shares are not supposed to be like that. So with each white chip, I felt more and more on display for people to see "how it doesn't work if you don't work it", I was an example of a "loser" instead of a "winner". And I felt and still feel like an outcast. With all the problems on this board, I have felt more welcome here than in the meetings.

I just went to the first meeting I have been to in a while the other night. One person came up to me. I just want to go and be left alone for now. If no one is friendly to me than I cannot feel rejected and hurt if they stop being friendly. (Still have crazy thinking, I know.) And no, I didn't pick up yet another white chip. I have plenty of them and chips cannot keep me sober. It is much deeper than pieces of plastic for me.

The great thing is, I now have my driver's license....it took me forever to get --I could have gotten it back years ago, but because it got suspended when it expired, I had to go through a written test and a road test again. I have always been a very nervous driver. Never intentionally got on one-way roads, avoided highways. I was terrified to go through all this, so I did what I do best--procrastinated. I forced myself to take the written test last year (missed one question, which failed me, so forced myself to take it again and passed)....then it took me another year to do the road test. This all is a part of my anxiety and fearful thinking. I have independence that I have not had since 2010 and I feel at least a little better about myself and I know I will never drink and drive again. Wish I could say I know I will never drink again.


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Those chips meant everything to me my first year of sobriety. I didn't have the guts to get up and get a white chip, but my home group gave out monthly chips for the first year and they meant a lot to me, by day 30 I was settled in and had no problem getting up for chips. LTR I'm so sorry that your groups treat you like this. I was SO happy when people would get up and get white chips, to me that meant they relapsed, but made it back. In the years I've been in AA I have witnessed the many who went out and never came back, and died. A member should never be made to feel embarrassed or humiliated to get a white chip. I always welcome these people back with a hug and say, good to see you back. Because I know what the other option is. (((hugs LTR))

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leavetherest wrote:

I just went to the first meeting I have been to in a while the other night. One person came up to me. I just want to go and be left alone for now. If no one is friendly to me than I cannot feel rejected and hurt if they stop being friendly. (Still have crazy thinking, I know.) And no, I didn't pick up yet another white chip. I have plenty of them and chips cannot keep me sober. It is much deeper than pieces of plastic for me.


 It Is evident from many of your postings in the last year or so, LTR, that you are avoiding AA meetings. And that your rationales for not going to AA meetings are various and very strained, as noted above.

This avoidance has hurt your recovery in the past. Chances are high that it will hurt you in the future.

You intentionally avoid other things such as customary chips, sponsors, Steps,  etc. These things are staples in recovery by the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. 

Perhaps you should re-evaluate this avoidance strategy. 

Your approach seems pretty reactive and, basically, ad hoc.



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Actually, I had a sponsor, was attending meetings and working the Steps when I first relapsed. I was extremely active in AA for most all of my sober time before that first happened. Sure didn't help house sitting for a fellow AA'er who lives with a controlled drinker and having to see an opened bottle of wine in the fridge for a week a year ago. I was told it would all be out of the home by the time I got there or I wouldn't have put myself through that. I managed to deal with that for a week, however drank within a week or so later. It may have happened anyway. I had been going downhill for a good while before I stayed there.

I have had depression for a long time and would prob. benefit from anti-depressants. I can go to AA meetings every day all day long. Until I work on dealing with situations, people and personal problems in a healthy way I believe I will not stay sober. And the fear of people has intensified for me and I really try to avoid being around them as much as possible. That's why I like this board.

I know I have been a hot mess for the last year at least.





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leavetherest wrote:

Actually, I had a sponsor, was attending meetings and working the Steps when I first relapsed. I was extremely active in AA for most all of my sober time before that first happened. Sure didn't help house sitting for a fellow AA'er who lives with a controlled drinker and having to see an opened bottle of wine in the fridge for a week a year ago. I was told it would all be out of the home by the time I got there or I wouldn't have put myself through that. I managed to deal with that for a week, however drank within a week or so later. It may have happened anyway. I had been going downhill for a good while before I stayed there.

I have had depression for a long time and would prob. benefit from anti-depressants. I can go to AA meetings every day all day long. Until I work on dealing with situations, people and personal problems in a healthy way I believe I will not stay sober. And the fear of people has intensified for me and I really try to avoid being around them as much as possible. That's why I like this board.

I know I have been a hot mess for the last year at least.


 IIRC, you unilaterally stopped taking the anti-depressants. Is there a way for you to resume treatment for depression? Or is there an obstacle to doing so?

If there is an obstacle, perhaps there is a way to remove it, LTR. But avoiding sponsors, people, meetings,Steps, chips, etc., ain't it.

First, deal with the things that might kill you.



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Just ordered some chips for my homegroup. Early sobriety coins up to a year are about $1 each, the brass finish year coins are about $3 each.

Ive only collected one from my Home Group.

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I can get you a better deal.

Meet me behind the 7-11 at 4am. Bring cash. 

Dont try to pull no funny stuff.



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Oh man Baba, ... THAT'S the funniest thing I heard all day ,,, LMAO ... thanks buddy ... you made my day ...



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I got my first chip at 32 years. That's the only one ever. It is nice, but it doesn't really mean anything.

I think there is a principle here that makes chips a risky proposition spritually. What is a chip recognising when we give it out. I am going to suggest it recognises that persons' achievement in staying sober for that length of time. I see a lot of people, chips or no, patting themselves on the back for the sobriety they have achieved, then they go and drink.

I am very clear on this. My sobriety is NOT my achievement. It never could be, it is an accomplishment which required way more resources than I had, and way more power. The real credit goes to God. That's who made the changes and lead me in directions I could not even imagine when I came in. I was powerless over alcohol, could not manage my own life. Now human power, including me, could relieve my alcoholism, God could and would if He were sought. I did, and he did.

Maybe the chip at the start, for committing to take the action of seeking God has some merit, but the rest, as I am happy to bear witness, is God's achievement, not mine. So I don't think I will accept any more chips.

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Very well stated FS, ...

See? ... responses like this is the very reason I missed you so much ... I know you travel ... a lot ... but I hope and pray you'll be around for a long time to come ... I look forward to the wisdom you customarily share here, as do others I'm sure ...


Pappy



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Fyne Spirit wrote:

I got my first chip at 32 years. That's the only one ever. It is nice, but it doesn't really mean anything.

I think there is a principle here that makes chips a risky proposition spritually. What is a chip recognising when we give it out. I am going to suggest it recognises that persons' achievement in staying sober for that length of time. I see a lot of people, chips or no, patting themselves on the back for the sobriety they have achieved, then they go and drink.

I am very clear on this. My sobriety is NOT my achievement. It never could be, it is an accomplishment which required way more resources than I had, and way more power. The real credit goes to God. That's who made the changes and lead me in directions I could not even imagine when I came in. I was powerless over alcohol, could not manage my own life. Now human power, including me, could relieve my alcoholism, God could and would if He were sought. I did, and he did.

Maybe the chip at the start, for committing to take the action of seeking God has some merit, but the rest, as I am happy to bear witness, is God's achievement, not mine. So I don't think I will accept any more chips.


 I like this. I might go the same route. I have a 24 hour chip and a 30 day chip (53 days sober). I carry the 24 hr chip on me (not the 30 day chip) to remind me that I have to get through this day for now, without drinking and when tomorrow comes, start over again. 



-- Edited by Roman on Thursday 29th of September 2016 05:05:37 PM



-- Edited by Roman on Thursday 29th of September 2016 05:06:18 PM

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I did that too Roman, for about a year ... I had the same thought about it as you too, I needed to know I could get through 24 hrs without a drink ... always considered it to be my most important chip, the one where I decided to do this, one day at a time ... that was years ago now ... Ha! ... went from 'hopeless' to 'worthwhile' ...

 

Pappy



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I'm following in your footsteps Pappy. :)

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I like what FS said.....I carried each chip of "achievement"(which is what I thought they were at the time), replacing the previous one with the latest one. I would actually kiss each one I got (didn't do that with the several white chips I got after that, though. Instead of "achievements" I was quite embarrassed to go up yet again and again and get another and another one. Know that is not the healthiest way to look at it; however, in my area meetings I am considered the "White Chip Wonder" as they refer to people who continually relapse here.

Yep, I felt quite "proud" of me chips, I did. I have heard others in the past tell me that they were too embarrassed to pick up white chips when they relapsed and came back. I never felt I had the right to try and change their mind. If people feel forced to pick up chips when they come back, they may be too uncomfortable to come back to a meeting which is what happened to me more than once. Contrary to popular belief, I do not like to draw attention to myself at meetings, so I opted not to pick up anymore.

No where in the Big Book does it say anything about having to pick up chips. There are those who will disagree. That's okay.....I used to love pickles and chips. I have changed.



-- Edited by leavetherest on Saturday 1st of October 2016 08:46:58 AM

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leavetherest wrote:


No where in the Big Book does it say anything about having to pick up chips. There are those who will disagree. That's okay.....I used to love pickles and chips. I have changed.

 

 

The chip practice wasn't around when the BB was published in 1939. It came later. There are several accepted aspects of AA that are not in the BB. Sobriety chips/medallions are but one. The practice has never been mandatory. Nor is there evidence that it is necessary. But it is part of AA today, generally. People are, of course, free to disregard the custom -- for any reason whatsoever.

I have also heard throughout the years from some AAs who relapsed that they felt embarassed to pick up a white chip. But I have never seen an AA group intentionally try to embarass or humiliate a person returning to AA.

It's far more likely that the feelings of embarassment and humiliation are self-generated, probably without due cause.

 

 

Wikipedia:

The actual history of how the A.A. chip came about after this is still a mystery. It is believed to have originated in 1942 in Indianapolis. The man who began the Alcoholics Anonymous section in Indianapolis, Doherty S., is thought to have started the sobriety coin tradition within this section of A.A.[3]

The Portland Group (Maine) began a tradition of using colored poker chips to mark time of sobriety.[4]

As each section of A.A. saw fit, it joined in on the sobriety coin custom..



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Tanin wrote:

 

I have also heard throughout the years from some AAs who relapsed that they felt embarassed to pick up a white chip. But I have never seen an AA group intentionally try to embarass or humiliate a person returning to AA.

It's far more likely that the feelings of embarassment and humiliation are self-generated, probably without due cause.

 

 


 Yes, this has always been my experience with those returning to the rooms ... we were and are, always glad to see someone come back to try and get their life 'in order' ... and honestly commend those with enough grit to pickup another white, or silver, chip ... of course we may run into those 'holier than thou' members that moan or groan when this occurs ... those guys are only degrading themselves ... 



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I was not warmly welcomed back. I was shunned and lost friends with every "slip", "relapse". Certainly not every member. I am glad your groups are different. No one knows my own experiences better than myself. I will say that most of the people who I thought were my friends would ignore my attempts to be friendly in the meetings. There are a couple of women, each with over 20 years of sobriety who in my opinion were two of the sweetest, kindest ladies in my local meetings, and now will not even say "hi" to me when I see them. I spoke to one going into a meeting and said "Hi (name), how are you?", she ignored me and spoke to the person I go to meetings with, as if I was not even there. The other one came up to me after a meeting and asked for my phone number and said she was going to call me within a few days to go to coffee. That was a while back. Not only did she not call me, she stopped speaking to me completely! I cannot begin to tell you how much these kind of things have hurt me.

Sure, Tanin...the feelings I am feeling are generated by my mind, as all feelings I have are. Until I learn how to become "not so human" and dismiss these feelings, I will always allow these kinds of things to bother me. But, do I really want to be some cold unfeeling lump of a person? If I reach that point and don't feel my emotions for myself, I doubt I will be able to be concerned for others. Personally, I like caring about and having empathy for others.

I do think that regardless how some people treat me face to face that they are glad that I am trying to stay sober, they just don't want to be around me. I have heard a phrase in my meetings, "Stick with the winners." I think that unless and until I get more sobriety time I am not considered a part of that group. I have also heard "Your real friends will be there for you". I have learned who my "real" friends are. I don't have many of those. That's why I come to this board. I have a few here, I feel. Thank you.



-- Edited by leavetherest on Monday 3rd of October 2016 07:56:05 AM

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leavetherest wrote:

I was not warmly welcomed back. I was shunned and lost friends with every "slip", "relapse". Certainly not every member. I am glad your groups are different. No one knows my own experiences better than myself. I will say that most of the people who I thought were my friends would ignore my attempts to be friendly in the meetings. There are a couple of women, each with over 20 years of sobriety who in my opinion were two of the sweetest, kindest ladies in my local meetings, and now will not even say "hi" to me when I see them. I spoke to one going into a meeting and said "Hi (name), how are you?", she ignored me and spoke to the person I go to meetings with, as if I was not even there. The other one came up to me after a meeting and asked for my phone number and said she was going to call me within a few days to go to coffee. That was a while back. Not only did she not call me, she stopped speaking to me completely! I cannot begin to tell you how much these kind of things have hurt me.

Sure, Tanin...the feelings I am feeling are generated by my mind, as all feelings I have are. Until I learn how to become "not so human" and dismiss these feelings, I will always allow these kinds of things to bother me. But, do I really want to be some cold unfeeling lump of a person? If I reach that point and don't feel my emotions for myself, I doubt I will be able to be concerned for others. Personally, I like caring about and having empathy for others. 

I do think that regardless how some people treat me face to face that they are glad that I am trying to stay sober, they just don't want to be around me. I have heard a phrase in my meetings, "Stick with the winners." I think that unless and until I get more sobriety time I am not considered a part of that group. I have also heard "Your real friends will be there for you". I have learned who my "real" friends are. I don't have many of those. That's why I come to this board. I have a few here, I feel. Thank you.



-- Edited by leavetherest on Monday 3rd of October 2016 07:56:05 AM


 LTR, in many, many posts you have detailed many, many incidents of others not treating you in the way you want to be treated. Could it be that your perception of what others are doing and saying is distorted?

Your anxiety and depression might be a factor in how you perceive the actions and words that you are observing. Maybe that is something to consider. Have you gotten closer to dealing with that issue?

When you post about avoiding needed treatment for depression,  avoiding AA meetings, avoiding sponsors, avoiding posting, avoiding talking to other AAs at meetings, avoiding Steps, etc., it seems like you're undercutting your chances at recovery.

Are you going to ANY meetings, LTR? Do you have a sponsor?



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Hey LTR, ...

When you stated:

...the feelings I am feeling are generated by my mind, as all feelings I have are. Until I learn how to become "not so human" and dismiss these feelings, I will always allow these kinds of things to bother me. But, do I really want to be some cold unfeeling lump of a person? If I reach that point and don't feel my emotions for myself, I doubt I will be able to be concerned for others. Personally, I like caring about and having empathy for others.

it concerns me that you're actually considering to learn how to be "not so human" and dismiss feelings that are important in life ... I think this to be a very dangerous path to follow ... I think we must proceed by living the example taught to us by a great teacher in the Big BB ... like 'loving our neighbor as ourselves' and such ... I need to learn this so that love becomes a part of all my thoughts and actions ...

When we truly work all the steps in AA, we essentially put our old life behind us and start a fresh new life, one filled with Faith, Hope, and Love ... there is no room in that life to hold judgement over others and their actions, only my on actions and thoughts ...

As I've said before, the AA rooms are filled with sick and broken people that are there to learn a new way to live, some have succeeded, some, not so much ... but we must treat everyone as we ourselves would wish to be treated ... regardless of whether or they are kind to us or not ...



Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy



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leavetherest wrote:

I was not warmly welcomed back.

I was shunned and lost friends

No one knows

not even say "hi" to me

she ignored me

I cannot begin to tell you how much these kind of things have hurt me.


 

Egomaniac with an inferiority complex. Y...y...you better hope you kill the party before the party kills you.



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Thanks Pappy. I am not really trying to do that, just feel that in order for things not to bother me, that is what it would take. That's why I said I really don't want to become a lump, etc....

And vision....perhaps to what you said. I do tend to get and stay in my own "pity party". I really don't even know who I am anymore.

Tanin, I am posting...not as much. Because when I do I have not reached the point where I don't get hurt feelings if a reply(replies) is not to my "liking". Anti-depressants I have been on in the past and everytime I felt doped up, tired and had other side effects. I'm dopey enough. And no to meetings and no to a sponsor. I was going to meetings, had a sponsor, working the Steps when I relapsed.

I have read about several people coming here and posting, attending no meetings, and staying sober. That's my (perhaps far-fetched) plan. Probably would be better if I was no so out there with all my thoughts and feelings and kept them more to myself. It helps me more reading other people's postings than posting myself in the long run, especially when I feel like my words are being thrown back at me. ("Can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen".)


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and vision...I am curious.....have you ever had someone (or ones) in your life who cut you off? Were you hurt by this? What did you tell yourself....did you care so little about that person (or persons) that it really didn't matter and you didn't care? How did you process it?

I do care about people. I haven't reached the point where I have been able to move on when that happens. It is easy for someone else to tell me to get over it. I even had an AA woman tell me to forget about my daughter who hasn't had a thing to do with me for years, even when I was able to squeeze over two years of sobriety out of my a**. This woman does not have any children. Easy for her to say. If I have family members and friends who I have had any kind of relationship at all with, it ain't that easy for me to forget about them either. That's just how I am. Maybe I care too damn much....if that is a CD of mine, I choose to own it, not get rid of it. And it also isn't easy to have felt cared about and loved by others and feel deserted either. If you can handle that, I am happy for you, vision. You are maybe a better person than I am.

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I laughed and sobbed at your question. I was an extreme low bottom drunk that ate out of dumpsters and just so happens to have six children. If that does not answer your question if I have been cut off, nothing will. But that is not important here. Mending broken relationships comes later. For now, stare at Tanin's signature quote for a long time.

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I am sorry that you had to eat out of dumpsters to survive, vision. I have heard only one share in the rooms about someone else having to do that. It must have been so very horrible for you. I hope that your children want you in their life. I lost two babies and this is my only surviving child. After 8 years, I have little hope of her changing her mind. I do try and accept things as they are and tell myself as long as she is alright and happy, that has to be alright with me. At least I have my Mom. I live for her. Every sober day I do manage to get, I do for her. If she were not around, than, well, I don't give myself very much hope.

I am glad that AA has worked for so many people. For every one it has worked for, there is at least one it prob. didn't. I will have to say that the biggest reason I was able to stay sober for as long as I did was the sense of belonging, fellowship I felt for a while. I was extremely active in AA, doing all kinds of service work, baking, Intergroup, etc. I did everything I could do. When I got my feelings hurt, I would tell myself that it was my ego, let it go, treat others the way I wanted to be treated (like Pappy said above) etc. I never once shunned, ignored, "dropped" anyone who came back in the rooms after relapsing. It never has been and never will be my nature. I think that is what I am struggling with so very much right now. I had quite a few "friends" for a while in AA. I know I could go to other meetings if I drive far enough, meet new people, and start building other "friendships". I am not willing to do that, though. I will go to meetings that I have been going to and be myself. I will give myself another chance to "get this right". You guys seem to have more faith in me than I have in myself. I would like to be one of the ones AA has and does work for. It has been extremely difficult to stay sober on my own. I have managed to stay sober a month or a few months over the past year. The depression is worsening and I have only been able to get a few days here and there and then I want to drink again. It is like binge drinking --however, it is making me sicker each time I relapse. Instead of having a hangover the next day, I am sick for days. My body is weakening and my mind is getting sicker. The paranoia I feel when I am in any public place is enormous. I feel like I am on a cliff and I am beginning to wonder how many times I can jump off and still manage to survive. So I will go to meetings again and tell myself again that it is my ego, to "let it go" when things bother me.



-- Edited by leavetherest on Wednesday 5th of October 2016 08:43:04 AM

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leavetherest wrote:

 At least I have my Mom. I live for her. Every sober day I do manage to get, I do for her. If she were not around, than, well, I don't give myself very much hope.

-- Edited by leavetherest on Wednesday 5th of October 2016 08:43:04 AM


 Hi LTR, ... 1st, let me apologize for high-lighting your statement here, I know you hate when others do that, so I'm sorry but it makes a significant point to me ... and I just wanted to share my thoughts with you on this one point ...

A person can never get sober and find happiness when their main goal is to do so for another person, it must be for the reason of making themselves more comfortable in their own skin ... the results are that everyone around them then becomes happy for the person who has given up the drink ... I tried over and over and over to stay sober for my wife and kids ... I simply could not do it ... it wasn't until I came to grips with certain death that I realized I had to do this FOR ME ... and after a while, I found out that this solved all my relationship problems, with everyone else ... it takes time and patience, but it will happen if we 'stick it out' ... 

 

You know I pray for you,

Love ya and God Bless,

Pappy



-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Wednesday 5th of October 2016 01:08:14 PM

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Hey Pappy...
I haven't minded whenever you have highlighted what I have said.......it is the way it was sometimes done in the past that bothered me. Already posted enough about that. Would rather my name not be used because of the too many detailed posts I have made. My bad on that though. Felt way too comfortable on this board and many of my postings I have been embarrassed about them. (And those are the ones which sometimes get highlighted"...LOL....go figure...darn it all.)

I have actually been told if I can't stay sober for myself do it for such-and-such, so that is why I am thinking the way I do about that. If I felt really good about myself right now I would be just doing it for myself. Since I haven't felt good about myself for a long while, it is hard for me to just stay sober for "me". Will try to remember what you said about all that and appreciate your time in responding.



-- Edited by leavetherest on Wednesday 5th of October 2016 10:15:46 AM

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My sponsor told me my thinker was broken ... so until I worked on getting that straightened out, I was go'n nowhere ... so maybe when you were told to not drink 'for your mom', it was meant 'for the time being' ... ??? ... but I'm here to try and explain that the changes we need to make need to start from very deep within ... we start AA and it's program as if we were infants needing to be fed by those who've gone before us ... until we've soaked up enough knowledge to be able to pass it on ...

We do, however, need to be choosy on who we select as our guide in working the program ... you already know this ... please find someone who you feel you can get close to and confide in so they can explain in simlpe terms, just what it is you need to concentrate on ... you have many tools in your tool box already and I feel it's just a matter of knowing which tools to use and when ... your desire to stay sober must exceed your desire to get drunk whenever life throws something at you that upsets your 'balance' ... you only need to know which tool will work to restore your equilibrium ... and to do that you must rely on the power you have deep within yourself ... it's there, I know this for a fact, you only need to learn to excess this power ... DO NOT ALLOW YOUR THOUGHTS TO TURN TO ALCOHOL ... EVER ... OR YOU LOSE EVERYTHING YOU'VE GAINED BY NOT DRINK'N .... ... ... I know, cause I'VE BEEN THERE, DONE THAT ... ... ...


Your Fuzzy friend,

Rose2.jpg

 

Pappy



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As most always, you are exactly right, Pappy....and awwwww.....I love that picture of your baby with her baby! How precious and loving your dear one is!

Your pic just reminded of something. When my min pin was pregnant with pups (what else would she be pg with????Ha!)....anyway, she "adopted" one of my daughter's stuffed animals. She would pic it up in her mouth (what else would she pick it up with--her paws? Double ha!) and lay with it under her. I used to do something kinda mean....I would pull it out from under her and toss it across the room. She would jump right down, run and get it, jump back on the couch trying to tuck it up under her even more. I would try to take it from her again and get growled at big time and she would snap at me if I persisted. Now that's a protective mom-to-be!

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Pythonpappy wrote:

A person can never get sober and find happiness when their main goal is to do so for another person, it must be for the reason of making themselves more comfortable in their own skin ... the results are that everyone around them then becomes happy for the person who has given up the drink ... I tried over and over and over to stay sober for my wife and kids ... I simply could not do it ... it wasn't until I came to grips with certain death that I realized I had to do this FOR ME ... and after a while, I found out that this solved all my relationship problems, with everyone else ... it takes time and patience, but it will happen if we 'stick it out' ... 

 

I completely disagree with this.  The ONLY reason I got sober was to avoid my husband kicking me out, and losing my kids.  I was a miserable, bitchy a**hole for the first month of my sobriety, and did not want to be there every single morning at 7AM.  I thought my life was over, I would never ever have fun again or find joy in life.  Then I started to listen and volunteer for service jobs.  Eventually got a sponsor, went through the steps and next Monday, god willing, it will be 10 years without a drink.  My life is second to none.  So I started going to AA for one reason, and stayed for a completely different reason.


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Congratulations Chris on 10 years. Wow, that's a long time. I can't even think about my sobriety that far ahead. Today is 60 days for me.

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Congrats go to Chris and Roman for reaching sobriety milestones. It's really good to read. Encouraging. You both show me that it works.

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Wow Chris, ... in a round about way, you just proved my point ... sobriety wasn't what you expected until your priorities, or your perception, went through a change ... (So I started going to AA for one reason, and stayed for a completely different reason.)



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Pythonpappy wrote:

Wow Chris, ... in a round about way, you just proved my point ... sobriety wasn't what you expected until your priorities, or your perception, went through a change ... (So I started going to AA for one reason, and stayed for a completely different reason.)


 True Pappy, thanks for pointing that out.  Ten years goes by in the blink of an eye.  My family has been my biggest supporter since I got sober.  My parents (who are in their 70's, I'm 50) came to my house yesterday and brought me a gift to acknowledge my milestone.  My dad was choked up when he hugged me.  Alcoholism does not run in my family, I'm a trailblazer.  I never realized at the time how my behavior was affecting those around me, in true alcoholic fashion, I thought I was only hurting myself.  My parents were very worried about their 11 & 12 year old grandsons being around their crazy drunk mother.  Thank god for the gift of AA and sobriety, one day at a time.  I have a life I never dreamed of back then.



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Tanin wrote:

Congrats go to Chris and Roman for reaching sobriety milestones. It's really good to read. Encouraging. You both show me that it works.


 Thank you Tanin.



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