"I was lucky," a man explained to me. "One of my first mentors in life made me practice serenity. Whenever I'd call him in full-blown panic mode or with that frantic tone in my voice, he'd refuse to talk to me until I calmed myself down.
"'Go get centered,' he'd tell me. 'Then we'll talk.'" Sometimes we need help working through our panic, anxiety, and fear. Find someone to talk to who will support serenity, rather than feed anxiety. Learn to recognize turmoil and urgency in your body, speech, emotions, and thought. Learn what it feels like to be centered and calm. Practicing serenity is a learned behavior and an art.
Action:
When you find yourself in turmoil, stop what you are doing. Take deliberate steps to relax. Talk to a friend, say the Serenity Prayer or any favorite prayer, breathe, meditate, feel any emotions you need to feel. Calming yourself may feel awkward at first, nearly impossible. (Some people may need professional help to deal with anxiety and panic if it's chronic and continual.) Over time and with practice, you will discover ways to calm yourself, the way a loving parent learns to calm a fretting child.
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thanks Pappy...another gem! I really have to watch myself with this kind of thing. Once I let a bunch of negative emotions get the better of me, it's a done deal. It made me drink again. I feel helpless, out of control, angry, sad, and just about every other emotion there is and none of them are any good. I have never done a good job of handling my emotions very well. Now to stay sober, I am trying to handle my emotions better. I am trying to ask myself things like "does this really matter?"; "why is this upsetting me so much?" and even "will I even REMEMBER this in a few days or a day from now?" (Often, I don't and I have wasted so much time fretting over stuff that in the scheme of things is crapola and not all that big a deal.) Also, I am trying very hard to think about all those people out there who don't have it nearly as good as I do...homeless folks who don't have a roof over their heads and have to beg on the street (if they have a street to beg on), war veterens who lost a limb(s) or worse--their lives--fighting for our country, or those innocent victims senseless attacks. A few years ago when I was so very depressed I even started reading about the Holocaust and got one of those huge books with lots of pictures and forced myself to look at the victims. (That may sound a little strange, however, it helped me realize that I didn't have as many problems as I thought I did.)
I am a slow learner though.......I didn't ask myself any of those things he other day when we went to Mom's. I had a bad "tude" because I had hoped to leave a lot sooner so I would have more time with Mom that day. I was ready to go and I had to wait a good while on the person who went with me to get ready. It seemed to me that he was just taking his sweet ole time. I had gotton up at 4:00 a.m. and got brownies baked (which she loves), my things together and he was snoring in bed sawing logs and we didn't leave until hours later. How "dare" him! So I fretted and fumed while waiting and for a good part of that trip, and even muttered a couple of nice so nice comments to the person who was so willingly taking his time to take me, (not so very nice of me, I know). When we arriving in the town my mom lives, I saw a man with shorts walking strangely. He had a big smile on his face and I looked down and noticed he had a prosthetic leg. I think I needed to see that. If that man can be happy with what he has dealt and is dealing with, I can be happy.
I was a bit ashamed of myself for getting so worked up over something so stupid and not having gratitude and had to make amends to my friend for my childish behavior.
My Thanksgiving turkey turned out to be crow which I had to eat. I am a piece of work. Maybe I need to go back to the library, too.
-- Edited by hopefulone on Saturday 28th of November 2015 08:13:07 AM
Well, truth be known, I had a trial in 'patience' yesterday myself ... and it didn't start off too well ...
Because our grandkids were up for Thanksgiving, we had our 'dinner' yesterday instead of Thurs. ... We were supposed to all be together at 2 pm ... stuff happened, my son was late due to an issue with his son and we didn't sit down to eat til 4 pm ... that two hours was pure hell cause I like to be prompt(well, the first hour was) ... the turkey and all the fix'ns get'n cold 'n all that ... after an hour of wait'n, I did pretty much what 'Today's Gift' suggested above ... found a place to sit down, said the Serenity Prayer, took some deep breaths, and had a cigarette to calm me down ... turned my thoughts to being grateful that we had the opportunity to get together to start with ... (that's what Thanksgivin is all about, right???) ....
We did have a great dinner, lot of sweet stuff for dessert, and plenty of family chatter with 'catch'n' up with how things were go'n ... a great time actually ... so, the process of sit'n down and relax'n and reflect'n on how trivial it is when we make mountains out of grains of sand, is great for those of us who get 'worked up' from time to time ... I approached the point of get'n nasty with family, but had enough experience to know what I needed to do ... so the need for an amends was avoided ...
I knew if I waited long enough, I'd have the house back to myself and things would return to quiet, thank God ... (my family is all deaf I think, things are so LOUD when they're here ... ) ...
Thank God and AA for a great 'sober' life, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
You exercised that restraint of pen and tongue better than I did. Sounds like you ended up having a wonderful holiday. And yes, that is what Thanksgiving is all about. I went years without seeing my mom for holidays. Too drunk. Too depressed. Resentments coming out of my ass about past stuff--which all went out of my head after I worked the Steps. There were some stressful things on both sides and it was hard to be around one another without feelings getting hurt. Now, I am so much more appreciative of my mom and all she did in raising us and how many sacrifices she made for us. I have pleasant memories of her showing me how to bake, sew and do other things. I never did turn out being as good a baker or a seamstress as my mom. That's okay though. I treasure the time she spent with me. Some kids don't have moms who do that. And the stuff that comes out of her mouth--I often tell her, "Mom, you need to write a book. You are full of wisdom." She, being modest, usually answers that it comes from having lived for 80 years. She did kind of joke about me being a handful when I was younger. Darn, and I thought I was the "good" kid, too...LOL.
It was a small gathering at Mom's. My siblings, although they live just a few minutes away from her, didn't come. My sister hasn't been to see her in years and years. (No drinking prob....she quit years ago herself). So no kids were there--well, except for me that is.
Oh, and I am often the "deaf" one in my family...ha!
It took get'n up in years myself to appreciate my parents ... now I know how they felt and what they had to deal with, LOL ... unfortunately, my mom died before I got sobered up ... my sponsor had me do a 'graveside amends', which I'm here to tell ya, was just as hard, if not harder to do, than 'face-to-face' ... the fortunate thing is my dad and sister were still around, at that time(dad has 'passed on' now), when I was do'n the steps ... so the amends part was so very satisfying ... afterward, definitely afterward ... that I was well on my way to the peace and serenity promised in the BB ...
It's sad that your siblings didn't visit, or don't ... but you did the right thing and that is all that matters ... cause you know she won't be around forever ... I still feel bad about my mom from time to time, but I know she knows I'm sober now and that makes me feel all better ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
