Fennees, I'm gonna tell you something. 

Theres a thing that happens to us long term drinkers when we quit. It's called PAWS. And it ain't about cats and dogs. It's Protracted Acute Withdrawl Symptoms, or Syndrome, or whatever. It takes a long time for our brains to heal up,, and start producing the right chemicals in the right amounts, before we get back to normal. It can take a year. Or even longer. 

The thing you have to realize, is that when you feel like shit, and you want to take a drink to make yourself feel better, DONT. The PAWS comes and goes. You might feel great for a few days, and then, out of nowhere, WHAM!! All of sudden, you feel crappy. But it will only last a day or 2, then you'll feel better again. PAWS is one of the biggest reasons why people go back to drinking. They think "if this is what it feels like to be sober, hell, id rather just drink myself to death". But once you realize that these PAWS symptoms will go away, and then come back, and then go away again, youre more prepared to deal with it. 

Ive been a year and a half without a drink, and the first year sure did have its ups and downs. There's still days where I don't feel good, and I can tell it's my brain still trying to adjust to not having alcohol. Give it time, Fenners, it takes a while, but it's totally worth it. You're worth it. You gotta believe that. 

Glad to hear you're sticking with it. Keep going to meetings. Everything is gonna get better. Promise.

Thanks for your reply I did get through it and attended an aa meeting yesterday so was ok but I have them again today not nice but better equiped

Thanks for great advice really helpful people on here really appreciate it

In AA we talk about the obsession of the mind, and the phenomenon of craving. The latter only occurs when alcohol is already in our system and is the reason we lose control of the amount we drink. The former is the reason we end up drinking again, even though we know it is harmful. The AA belief is that the problem is centred in the mind. We have to get a defense against that first drink.

The book also talks about having an "alcoholic mind". I had the same rough spots in early sobriety, a few good days followed by black days where I felt the sky was going to fall on me. I couldn't work out why I was feeling like that. I had a sponsor who I talked to everyday, he unravelled the mystery for me by taking me back over the past few days to see what i had been doing and what sorts of decisions I had been making. I still had an alcoholic mind and my thinking and acting was very self centred in nature. Little decisions put me in internal conflict with my values, and get enough of those little selfish acts together and they seem to combine and form into a cloud of doom from which I could see no way out.

Of course I was totally unaware of this. My alcoholic life and thinking were the only normal way for me. My alcoholic mind was setting me up for the next drink. The only way I was able to overcome this problem was to pursue AAs spirtual solution. I needed a complete change of personality, I needed to get rid of that alcoholic mind. As I took the steps, particularly step four, it became clear to me I was my own worst enemy. Through the steps I was able to see what the trouble was, and I was able to have the problem removed.

This wasn't a long process. When I gave up fighting the booze, and began earnestly seeking a Higher Power (step 3), the clouds of doom stopped appearing, and I was into step four before I knew it. At the time I also began working step ten, cleaning up any new mistakes as I went along, and I am sure that saved me a lot of grief too.

Standing at the beginning, I couldn't see or understand any of this. I simply had to take action (maybe on blind faith), and understanding followed. I think that is the thing about the steps, they cannot be understood in advance, only when looking back having experienced the effect.