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Post Info TOPIC: Day 5


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Day 5
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I'm on day 5 of being sober and finding it really hard but I got through the day without a drink. I have been drinking forever it seems,well since I was 14 and I'm 32 now. It's been what I do to cope with life. It has caused many problems in my life and wrecked every relationship I have ever been in because i always choose it over my partner. I've said and done some awful things to people I love, things I would never even think when sober. I black out and have no recollection of what I say or do, it's really scary but become the norm. I know it needs to stop, I for once feel if I don't stop something really bad is going to happen... I've never felt that before but I'm really scared of never being able to have a drink again. How can I make that fear subside?

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Welcome to this forum, Arle. And good for you on 5 days without drinking. Based on your general description, it seems like you may have a problem with alcohol. If you are an alcoholic, things will continue to get worse if you continue to drink.
The solution is a program of recovery. That could be AA or another program. You can choose the program that is best for you. I chose AA and it has worked for me.

With regard to your fear of never being able to have a drink again, that is a common concern among those new to sobriety. In AA, we combat that fear by focusing on staying sober only for one day--today. Then, tomorrow, we concern ourselves with a new day. That helps make it manageable.

Have you been to any recovery program meetings yet, Arle?

 



-- Edited by Tanin on Thursday 14th of May 2015 07:45:48 AM

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Go to AA, go regularly, get a sponsor, and work diligently on your program of recovery. The insanity of being scared of never being able to have something that only hurts you will be lifted when you really work step 1 the right way. What is to be afraid of with regard to not being able to have a drink again? You are afraid of not being able to cause yourself more pain and misery? Afraid you won't be able to progress to cirrhosis? You have already shown a pattern that you simply cannot drink normally. You are an alcoholic and not a normal drinker. Accept it. For you, drinking is only destructive and there is no romantic, idealized version of alcohol in which it does anything for you other than hurt or potentially kill you. Lots of AA, a support system in AA, a sponsor in AA, and working the steps in AA will help you stay focused and hop off this awful insane merry go round of trying to cling to the one thing that hurts you the most.

I have no fear of never having a drink again. That left early on. Regardless, it is just a 24 hour program. For you, on just day 5, it does really help to just take the cravings a day at a time (an hour at a time if you have to). You are still so early on that you just need to string more time together and learn how to live life without running to the bottle. I hope you are not just trying to do this on your own. I never could succeed that way. My resolve would crumble in the face of the disease. I needed a powerful recovery program to really get sober, have sober friends, guidance, and a new way of thinking and living. Without that, I always went back to drinking because I had no where to take my problems, fears, and wasn't seeking out anyone to show me how to live sober.

So...I hope this helps. Your fear of not being able to have a drink is irrational. Hopefully you are going to AA and at each meeting you will see how happy people who do not drink can be and are. I have not drank in over 6 and a half years. I don't miss it. AT ALL. It's just a substance....a toxic one at that. When alcohol is no longer your master, you will see that it's pretty ridiculous to have ever thought it was so crucial to be able to drink. I used to wonder "Oh how will I have fun?!" "How will I go to parties!?" "How will I relax?" Those answers will come more easily in time IF you work a good AA program. How do I do it? Easily. I drink a diet coke at parties. No biggie. Half the people at parties don't drink either. It was me that thought everyone was getting plowed like I was. The other folks drinking are having 1 or 2 typically and I am not one of those so drinking a diet coke is just fine. EASY. But this takes time and some work in AA. I hope you are willing to do it. It has given me a great life and can do the same for you.

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Thanks so much guys for your advice! I have found a meeting in my area, but of course I'm freaking out about going... I'm guessing that's pretty normal. I know I can't do it alone though. I'm not sure what kind it is, I believe there are different types? I'm a very shy person sober, and i really don't know what to say? Am I allowed to just turn up?

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Arle wrote:

Thanks so much guys for your advice! I have found a meeting in my area, but of course I'm freaking out about going... I'm guessing that's pretty normal. I know I can't do it alone though. I'm not sure what kind it is, I believe there are different types? I'm a very shy person sober, and i really don't know what to say? Am I allowed to just turn up?


 Hi Arle,

Yup, you just go. But I may have some tips to make it a bit easier. I suggest you get there a few minutes early. Much easier for most people than walking in after it has started and the room is already full. And it sometimes helps if we have something to do, so feel free to ask the folks there if they need any help setting up chairs, etc. Tell them you are new to AA and they will be happy to help you! Be sure to stick around after the meeting and get some literature and a copy of the AA "Big Book" and get a copy of the local meeting directly. Feel free to ask other folk what other meetings they like, and then when you go to those other meetings you'll already be seeing familiar faces.

And yes, we know that this can be uncomfortable. But please remember that everybody there at the meeting was in the same position you are in now, they just got there a bit sooner than you did. People helped them out when they were new, and now they are happy to return the favor by helping you. That's how it works in AA. 

And please come on back here and tell us how it went! If any of it is confusing or you don't understand something, feel free to ask question either here or with the folks at the meeting.



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Arle wrote:

Thanks so much guys for your advice! I have found a meeting in my area, but of course I'm freaking out about going... I'm guessing that's pretty normal. I know I can't do it alone though. I'm not sure what kind it is, I believe there are different types? I'm a very shy person sober, and i really don't know what to say? Am I allowed to just turn up?


 About AA Meetings

http://www.aa.org.au/new-to-aa/about-aa-meetings.php



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Arle, it took a lot for me to get to that first meeting....I have said before, getting to that first meeting was the hardest part for me. From there, I just did what they told me for the most part.

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Welcome Arle. This is a brave first move. Keep coming back. We are here to support you. I came here first. .. before my first meeting and posted lots... every day. It helped me so much to commit to posting here and going to a meeting each day until I started feeling relief from the program work.
Xxxoxo Best wishes

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Welcome to MIP Arle, ... I think most everyone is a bit paranoid to go to a first meeting ... thank goodness that only happens once, LOL ... you never have to speak if you don't feel like it ... at first, it's better to listen than to talk anyway ...


God Bless,
Pappy



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It has been really hard this first week but I have to say your comments are helping in a way I never thought they could! So once again thank you!! This time last week I took my last drink, thoughts pop into my head that I could just have a few... But i know I can't! So I say I'll just make it through today and I will :) it does make it hard that my partner is a big drinker also, but I guess a more functional one than me.

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Congrats to you Arle on one week, that's huge ... Yes, the very concept of 'One Day at a Time' and saying the 'Serenity Prayer' about a hundred times a day at first made this program work for me where everything else I'd tried failed ... You'll hear the 'Serenity Prayer' at every meeting, we say it together ... ... ...

God,
Great me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change ...
The courage to change the things I can ...
And, the Wisdom to know the difference ...
Amen

It's go'n to be doubly difficult for you to stay sober if you have a partner that actively drinks, especially if he/she does it in front of you ... I'll hold off on any suggestions for now until I understand more of your situation and position ...


Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy



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Great you made it a week... it's going to get harder and harder to do it alone now.... let us know how that meeting goes.

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Congrats on your first week sober! That really IS a big accomplishment! One day at a time (and lots of meetings) and the weeks will turn into months and years. The first week is a little awkward but you'll have lots of support. Everyone was new once...and they all have the same goal-to get sober and stay that way. You're off to a great start! Keep up the great work, it really is worth it!

Jerricka

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It is scary going to your first meeting. Go a few minutes early, walk in, and tell them that this is your first meeting, you're really nervous, and you have no idea what to do. Take a bottle of water or coffee, so you have something to do with your hands when you're nervous. Most likely, there will be old ladies setting up, and they will take you under their wing. They will give you a newcomer packet with a list of all the meetings in your area and times, and they will write their names and numbers in the back of it in the little name/number area. Keep that in your purse, because people will want to give you their info at other meetings.

Let me tell you about my first meeting. I was scared to death. I sat in my car and watched a woman who looked completely lost wander around, then go down the basement steps. She looked like a normal stay-at-home-mom like me. So I followed her. But then, when I got to the bottom of the church basement stairs, there was more than one door, and I started freaking out. I said to myself that I could turn around and go home, and nobody would ever know I was there, but then a big biker guy came up behind me and boomed "You're in the right place!" and showed me the door. I told him I was new and freaking out. This scary guy babied me and introduced me to the old lady setup brigade.

Everyone in that room has a messed up past-probably much worse than yours. The biker that helped me find the door? He actually thought that it was a good idea to get into the kangaroo enclosure in a zoo when he was in Australia while he was drunk, and got his ass kicked by kangaroos, then was arrested, and had to call his parents from an Australian jail. One of the old ladies setting up had been a prostitute when she was young. Another was a PTA mom who volunteered at the school, but took a bottle of gin with her to the school. There were two nursing students there, and a doctor. It is scary, but these are people who will accept you because they are just like you! They will not judge you at all!! The hardest part is walking through the door. Once you walk through that door, you will feel like you have found your people. Trust me. It never made sense to me until I actually did it.



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Welcome to MIP!

PROJECTION OF THE "WHAT IF'S" can take us out of the Just For Today frame of mind that allows us daily recovery as we work with a sponsor on the application of the Program(THE STEPS) applied in all areas of our lives..Glad you found us,,stick around   WE need you......:)GOOD WORK ON 5 DAYS.....Hope to hear more from you.....Believe me WE can identify.........smilesmile



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Arle, a week is great! you should be proud of yourself, the first week can be hard for sure because you need to reprogram your brain to not reach for a drink. Fill it with other activities gym, coffee etc. In the beginning I when ever I had a craving instead of looking at the big picture I would focus only on that specific drink and say to my self , No I won't have this drink. Now two years later the though never even crosses my mind any more. But I understand the struggle in the beginning. Just hang in there and keep yourself too busy.


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Congrats on 5 days!

I know its been a tough road but you'll get there if you keep doing the steps and going to meetings. Take life one day at a time...amazing things are going to happen!

Jerricka

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I can't help noticing we haven't heard form Arle, the original commenter, since the start of the weekend five days ago. 

Arle, if you're still reading these comments, please let us know how you're doing. We're happy to help.

And if you have had a relapse, know that you're always welcome to come back to AA and try again. 



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Yeah Dave, I noticed that too ...

Arle, you are always welcome here ... help is always available ... let us hear from you ...


Pappy



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Hey Arle,

I hope all is well with you. Like everyone else, I care and would like to know how you're doing and wishing you the best!

Jerricka

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Hi all, thank you for all your posts! I unfortunately had a very bad relapse on Sunday. I ended up calling my brother who's in NA, he has been wonderful and took me to an NA meeting the last two days.....it was very scary... I was shaking like a maniac! Broke down a few times but the ppl were very nice, I've been asked to share but can't. I don't know when I will ever be able to and that makes me feel stressed. I think I need to try aa though, even though we are all addicts... I can't relate to some of the drugs stuff. I'm really going to try today!!!

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Hey, welcome back! Sometimes that last brief relapse is what is really needed to convince us that we can't drink or use like other people and that we really do need sobriety. You may consider that relapse a very cheap lesson - IF you decide to commit to staying sober a day at a time as a result of what it taught you. Don't worry about sharing in meetings right now, just get to the meetings and get in the habit of going every day. There is lots of help available, but we have to show up if we want to get it. 



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Glad you made it back, Arle.

Take it one day at a time.

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Welcome back, Arle!
Good idea getting to the meetings and letting others know you're still struggling. They'll be happy to share positive ideas and wisdom, strength and hope. It took me several relapses to get back on track and stick with it. Never give up!

Jerricka

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You bet, Welcome back Arle, ...

I have been in your shoes too ... not a pretty sight ... and I found I needed every relapse I went through, every detox with the D.T.'s ... I got so sick I thought I was dying, then I was afraid I wouldn't ... my mind became so befuddled I could not think of and one thing for more than a minute or two ... concentration was impossible ...

Last time, I finally admitted I was powerless over alcohol and that my whole life had become unmanageable ... I finally conceded to the fact I could not do this alone, I needed help ... I'm elated to see that you're back seeking guidance on how to proceed toward a life full of joy and happiness in sobriety ... the sober life is not without problems but is far better than you can dream of right now ...


(((((HUGS)))))
Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy



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I had so many things happen to me as a result of my drinking that I knew I had to make sobriety my number #1 priority--before relationships, hurt feelings and those voices in my head telling me it was okay to drink again.

Personally I know that I could not be around anyone else that is drinking. My mom, who is not an alcoholic, told me that she, after years of not having a drink at all, had a couple of glasses of wine one day at lunch with some friends. She apologized to me and told me that maybe she should not have told me because it would "bother" me. I said, "No Mom. It doesn't bother me at all. However, if you crack open a bottle of wine and start pouring yourself a drink in front of me, I am going to have to leave and you can call me when you have finished them."

I have heard that others in AA can be around people who are drinking. I may be fine if I did, but I don't want to risk "going there" again and it is important that I do what I need to do to stay sober.

I wish you the best, OP.

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Hi hopeful one, I have said the same thing to the ppl around me, that if they want to drink and it's too difficult for me I'll just go out... I've been ok with it so far. I know everyone has the right to drink and I can't expect ppl to change just bc I want to.

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Welcome back Arle, that would have sucked if you died, you seem nice.

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"It's very important to go into the rooms of AA, smell the shitty coffee and be reminded that without sobriety, I would have no career." ~ Macklemore

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