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Post Info TOPIC: What to do when someone else takes your inventory...Thoughts?


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What to do when someone else takes your inventory...Thoughts?
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Had the weirdest experience today of meeting up with an old friend and having them spend some of the time taking MY inventory. I feel like I am centered enough to not become out right angry with the person. I figure this was their first experience in taking inventory and it is easier to explore why someone else does things, then to consider why you do them. Yet I was reasonably offended and annoyed. I understand but I don't like that they felt the need to tell me what they've learned when reflecting on my mistakes. I listened.I spoke gently and minimally. I even silently agreed with somewhat with what they were saying but whyyy would they do this and think it's appropriate? They went as far as to tell me the psychology of why I did the things I did in my past and all I could think was, "worry about your own damn past and why you did what you did." 

If someone could give me some insight as to where to go from here. I'd appreciate it. I feel like I should just let it go and not take it too personally, because like I said before,I think it was there first attempt to consider the bigger meaning behind people's actions and it was a lot easier for them to explore my actions that their own. Still I feel sad.



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MIP Old Timer

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Hi Hime!  Welcome to the board.  I've learned not to take things personally.  What people say and do is more about THEM than it is about ME.  It deals with their perception and their reality, not mine. 

It is easier to look through a microscope than to look in the mirror.  Who knows, it takes time and this may led her to looking in the mirror.  So, maybe you're helping her through her own discovery process.

If it gets to annoying, you could tell her the truth.  Thanks for the insight, but I take my own inventory today and let talk about something else.  At the end of the day, we accept the things we can't change.  Love and tolerance of others is our code.

Keep coming back and help us all stay sober and sane.



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There's a fine line between trying to help someone see things they might not be able to see in themselves and taking their inventory. Sometimes I might be advertising my inventory and another person is just commenting on it. For example, I could post the same problem on here 50 times and then someone says "Looks like you have (insert issue) and then I could be like "Take your own damn inventory!" when they were just pointing out the obvious. I could show up to work late every day and then someone comments that I have a problem with lateness and I say "Worry about your own damn promptness!"...?

I have to judge if the shoe fits and I'm not as insecure now that I can't handle feedback. Yes, I get that it's not welcome at all times, but if I was the best judge of me at all times, I wouldn't need my fellows in AA and I wouldn't need a sponsor. You can also judge if the person tries to share their insights about you from a nasty place, a caring place, or a place that they do it to avoid focusing on themselves. That's your prerogative. We all need to do that. Sometimes we all need to say "Um....don't remember asking for that opinion but whatever." Sometimes we need to be more like "Damn...that felt harsh, but possibly true. I will think about it."

I will say that I have also met people that go around acting all paranoid and saying "Stop taking my inventory!" to everyone trying to help them and the fact is, they are viewing everyone as judgmental rather than helpful and they are the one taking people's inventory more than the other way around.

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MIP Old Timer

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hime wrote:

Had the weirdest experience today of meeting up with an old friend and having them spend some of the time taking MY inventory. I feel like I am centered enough to not become out right angry with the person. I figure this was their first experience in taking inventory and it is easier to explore why someone else does things, then to consider why you do them. Yet I was reasonably offended and annoyed. I understand but I don't like that they felt the need to tell me what they've learned when reflecting on my mistakes. I listened.I spoke gently and minimally. I even silently agreed with somewhat with what they were saying but whyyy would they do this and think it's appropriate? They went as far as to tell me the psychology of why I did the things I did in my past and all I could think was, "worry about your own damn past and why you did what you did." 

If someone could give me some insight as to where to go from here. I'd appreciate it. I feel like I should just let it go and not take it too personally, because like I said before,I think it was there first attempt to consider the bigger meaning behind people's actions and it was a lot easier for them to explore my actions that their own. Still I feel sad.


 Welcome to MIP hime, ... glad you're here ...

I think you answered your own question here ... Now-a-days I've learned to ignore what others say about me ... unless there is some 'constructive' truth to what they say ... if someone wants to take my inventory, let'm go ahead and waste their time ... it doesn't bother me unless I invite it to do so ... I've learned to NOT 'rent' space in my head to those meaning to put me down, for any reason ... I say the Serenity Prayer and go about my business ... (I used to be pretty damn good with making 'mountains' out of 'mole hills' ...) ...

 

Love ya and God Bless,

Pappy



-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Wednesday 15th of April 2015 08:50:58 AM

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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'



MIP Old Timer

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What an excellent thread - thanks guys :)

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Thanks for everything.  Peace and Love on your journey.  



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Hi Hime,

When others have taken my inventory in the past, I've noticed they've had things going on in their lives and its easier to criticize me than deal with their own stuff. My response is usually defensive at first, then I give it some thought later. If it turns out the person was right, I ask myself what needs work and make a plan. There's a difference between "constructive criticism" and "nitpicking". I always have the option to let it go in one ear and out the other!

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