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Post Info TOPIC: Just looking for some help and guidance


Newbie

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Just looking for some help and guidance
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Hi there,

I'm just reaching out online for the first time. I'm not particulairly new to the program but I am young (21). This time I've got just about 6 months sober in the program. I live in a remote northern community so at most there's 3 meetings a week. That being said I love the meetings (just wish we could get a few more). I have a sponsor and am starting to go through the steps (again). I'm taking things slow this time and trying not to rush the process as I know I can't learn when I will myself into things rather then trusting my Higher Power

I'm just having trouble accepting some things. Mainly my ex girlfriend. She dumped me about 9 months ago while I was in the depths of my alcoholism. I continued to drink and pretend that things were still alright between us (long distance made it a lot easier to not have to face facts) Anyways finally dragged my sorry butt to a meeting and have been sober ever since. Basically things in essence have been going quite good. I have a steady job and am not showing up drunk or drinking on the job, family actually seems to enjoy my company and I don't feel like I want to end things all the time.

I've been in contact with the ex via post (snailmail) and it's been good for the most part, although I think I revolve around those letters WAY too much. I knew things were going well for her and on the last one I got she informed me she was in a relationship with someone else. I'm just really struggling to accept things the way they are and need guidance and support. Like I mentioned previously I live in quite a small town so the only places to go out and eat dinner are bars so I stay away from them.

I haven't really made any friends or connections since being sober, I don't blame the program or anything like that. Just difficult with me being where I am and actually meeting people when not surrounded by booze. I guess I'm just lonely really and know I have to reach out and continue to reach out. I want to be happy and in reality I want the people in my life to be happy. I'm just scared too.

Thanks

 

(side note I posted this in a stickied thread but don't think it's the right place)



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MIP Old Timer

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Hello Jules and Welcome to MIP.

Thank you for sharing honestly about what's going on with you. Great work getting back up and starting your journey ,with a sponsor on your STEPS again.As the application in all areas of your life becomes more ingrained and you remain guided by whatever that Power greater than you is, forward movement in freedom from active addiction remains your journey into LIFE. It is not a magic bullet,and you are aware that it takes daily work,putting down the substance and doing whatever it takes. I can identify with your feelings,as I am sure many of us here can..When I finally surrendered after a quarter century "in the grip" I felt many of your feelings. I was 2x divorced ,lost my children,did bids in jail,mental institutions and found myself  feeling like a lost pup.I played drums in a Rock and Roll Band and everybody was using,...People that I thought were friends shunned me like a Narc because I was working daily recovery.Relationships were a mess because I had no relationship with my Higher Power or myself. I had spent 2/3 of my life (at that time) getting twisted in one way or another...Being free of active addiction was something I had a difficult time getting a grip on,,though I knew ,based on all the evidence,life as it was was a signed death certificate for me...... I had to work very hard to find new people,places and things to get involved in and with.....Very difficult. As an obsessive/compulsive individual ,there were no half ways for me,it was all or nothing..I substituted many things during my early recovery,followed my gambling obsession with horses,traded that for a Hunting club,,turned that into Martial Arts Training) the substitutions were becoming more positive)began Marathon Running ,got back with support groups at my church,attending meetings and sharing my pain to the best of my ability.The miracle of "losing that desire to use" was not a great epiphany ,it just was..I was doing whatever it took to stay free from that "FIRST ONE".I learned to Love myself and allowed others in who also showed much love.I can only suggest,keep making meetings ,really apply the STEPS(WE believe our Solution)in all areas of your lives//Share your pain and most importantly HELP OTHERS.....THE ADAGE THAT 'LOST DREAMS DO AWAKEN AND NEW POSSIBILITIES ARISE" is ever so true(based on my own evidence) as WE continue the DAILY WORK....Trust in your Higher Power(no matter what that is,just it be loving and caring and greater than your addiction)do the daily work,seek new opportunities as best you can,,try and stay in the day,,(Projection of the "WHAT IFS " is brutal)and most of all 'don't pick up" if you don't pick up you wont get high and successful,daily recovery will become "a new way of living"///The journey is Life on Lifes terms and it is at times a difficult journey ,but again based again on my own evidence I have found that my worst day of being in recovery is better than my best day using..because that always ended the same,,,the Downbound train to devastation.I will lift you up in thought in prayer..Stick around WE need you....Thanx for the help today...............Hope to hear more from you.....smilesmile 



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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.


MIP Old Timer

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Congrats on almost 6 months ... First thing I thought of about your 'acceptance' post is we must change in order to lick the alcohol dependency ... going to meetings and working the program turned me into a different person, one that doesn't need, or want, a drink ... but that doesn't mean the world we know will change with us ... whenever I had those thoughts in the past, I started thinking of all the things that had changed that I was very grateful for ...

And for your girl to be in another relation just means she wasn't going to put her life on hold hoping you got better, life's too short ... and you offered her no guarantees ... It took years of sobriety for my family to welcome me back ... including my wife ...

Try to get closer to some of your AA friends and find ways you can donate your time to a worthy cause ... keep your mind busy on healthy think'n things ...



Love ya man and God Bless,

Pappy



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'



MIP Old Timer

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Aloha J and welcome to the board where you will learn a ton of stuff...some you wont like and others you'll love.  Getting sober, staying sober, being sober is a very different way to live for an alcoholic on all levels, mind, body, spirit and emotions.  You become another or "the other" person you have been missing most of your life.  You get to face up to the horrors of the disease and the freedom and growth of being alcohol free which becomes more fun (for me at least) than any booze or bar blast I ever attended.  I came to understand why friends left and held no grudges or hurt feelings while I learned compassion and empathy for those I harmed while under the influence.

Help and guidance is here and in the meeting rooms and with the relationship of sponsors and home groups.  Just have to surrender your self absolutely to whom which you acknowledge as a power greater than yourself and all of the tools that higher power will put in your way.   MIP is such a tool...Join us often.   smile



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Senior Member

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Hello and welcome!

Congrats on your sober time! Taking it one day at a time is the only way it worked for me. When I tried to rush through the Steps in the past, I failed, but since I slowed down and put more thought and effort into each Step, let it absorb for a while before moving on, it's working much better.

I also live in a very small town (one meeting a week). In the next town, they have meetings every day. I know lots of meetings are important at times, so you might want to consider checking out the meeting schedule in the nearest town... It could help you get through the rough spots as well as improve your social circle. Online support is a good option also. Keep reaching out, you're doing the right thing! Best wishes!

Jerricka

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Welcome, my last drink was one month short of my 18th birthday back in 1977. In that short time I made the jails, institution, and was brought back to life from an overdose. I tried to prove to myself I could control it but finally surrendered. Lucky for me being in the Mid Atlantic area of the USA there were a lot of meetings and a few young people to help me through recovery. I had to drop my partying girlfriend because at that was based on was lust and drinking. I had time to put all my efforts in recovery. About 6 months in it was suggested that I decide what I wanted to do when I grow up. I set some goals for myself and set about achieving them. Being a High school drop out made deciding getting a GED goal one, along with a job. That led to college, a career, marriage, house, kids, and the whole 9 yards. Living sober has been a great way of life and I plan on spending the rest of my days living that way. Life is what you make it. It's hard work, tough at times, but luckily, there are 12 steps do deal with it. Keep at it!

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MIP Old Timer

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G'day Jules . Welcome to MIP.

Give yourself time . BUT , Also give time , time .

Yep , I know being young it is a bit hard - remember , I was young once too .

I wanted everything NOW .

I am 40 minutes to my nearest meeting  - once a week .

Then over an hour if I want to get to others . YES , I go to them .

Oh , th gf . I left mine when I was 3 weeks sober . I had to . I gave myself Time to

get back on my feet . Then I started dating again .

I met my wife at the 50th anniversary of AA in Australia .

We have our 20th anniversary next week .

Yes Jules . I promise , Good times are ahead .

Stay around a bit & Better times can be had .

Stick with Us & you Will have the Best Time of your life .



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Rick.

@ 37 I was too young & good looking to be an alkie.

still too young , still got th good looks. still n alkie.

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