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Post Info TOPIC: Support and Hope


MIP Old Timer

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Support and Hope
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Well, the struggles of my teens(2) drug use has worn me down. I removed my daughter from my house on 1/1/2015. For sons(16) use progressed to a daily basis. The symptoms are all there: lying, isolating, anger and his world getting smaller. He can't wait for me to go to a meeting or leave the house so he can enjoy his pot.

I was doing well with detachment, but the last three days have overwelmed me. I feel sad, then angry, then fear, then lose faith and then lose hope. Not a comfortable spot to be in. Started attended an Alanon meeting which I really enjoy and continue with my AA meetings. The head and heart have a disconnect at the moment. Just wanted to share what was going on. Thanks for listen.    



-- Edited by Mike B. on Tuesday 17th of March 2015 11:25:53 AM

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MIP Old Timer

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Hello Mike and blessings of this day!

I can truly Identify as my now 27 year old son( 4 years into recovery) took us through a nightmare of 7 years of hard core Heroin abuse.The usual stealing(put us into Bankruptcy) Medical Bills from Overdosing ending in 2 HEART STOPPAGES FROM BAD CUT IN HIS DOPE...TC'S,Rehabs,Jails,Institutions etc...We put him on the street at 90 lbs. a $200.00 a day jones and one step away from death(harder than anything I have ever done)  .WE did it to let him reach the point of admission,acceptance and surrender,if that were to be..(just like my own journey many years before,(I was over 20 years into my own recovery and was shaken to the core.I actually ended up as a double hat wearing member of Nar-Anon(similar to Al-Anon only geared more to all drugs and not the oneness of alcohol)I found solace there and learned better coping abilities and also learned to quell our "enabling process' even though we (me) knew it wasn't helpful..WE cried ourselves to sleep many nights,felt at peace when he was in Jail and lived by "detachment with love' a ridiculously hard concept for any parent or relative of a loved one..with our incredibly strong faith,much communication(my wife and I )we made difficult decisions together. And we sure disagreed on many things on how to do it,my wife a Normie(14 years younger than me), and me a daily recovering addict .HOPE was always our message and in our own way and time and God's guidance WE worked through the period.WE were fortunate,my son did finally surrender to the illness and found a way to live without drugs(alcohol is a drug)WE were aware ,on the street he would either die,go to jail or hopefully find recovery..There are no easy answers,but WE know our picking up over anything is a disaster....Trust in your Higher Power,share your pain,set guidelines(boundaries,not to many at once),but be prepared to stick by them or they are useless.Stay close to your support groups try to stay in the day.Projection of the "what if's' are life draining.Living with the addict is a different scenario than not living with them but worrying what is going on with them..Love the person,hate the illness,,,,WE have never financially recovered from our sons tirades(he was 17 when he started hard core drugs and we were responsible for a lot of his stuff(although there are emancipation claims you can follow up on..Our son also diagnosed with severe OCD,Manic Depression,Anger issues and spent many year son SSRI'S that wreaked havoc with a lot of his being. He still takes certain meds but knows he cannot use any mind altering mood changing substances beyond prescription.ADDICTION IS A FAMILY ILLNESS.......no matter what the substance...I will lift you up in prayer and at times still look back and it seems as if it was light years ago,,but without daily work and allowing complacency to enter the room,,we can at any given minute reinstitute our pain...jUST fOR tODAY brother,keep your faith in that Power greater than you,keep your own recovery on top and Life on Life's terms will continue forward.I will pray you find some peace and serenity...PM me if you ever want to talk..............:)



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MIP Old Timer

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Hi Mike, ... very sorry to hear what you're go'n through ...

I have 2 sons myself ... one is mentally handicapped from birth and the other is handicapped from a severe auto accident (Quadriplegic) ... both have been a challenge to raise ...

In your situation, there is not much I can say to help, other than it sounds as though you need to have a long, serious 'heart to heart' talk with them ... IF they will listen to your life experiences that brought you to AA and recovery, and IF they place any value on your love for them, maybe they will take some of your advice, maybe not ... depends on just how far the drugs has a grip on them ... at the very least, maybe they will remember your words when they themselves, lose all hope and see no other way out ... and as you know, it is wise to pray for them, that they come to 'see the light' soon, before the damage is too great ...

Our children's welfare is one of our greatest 'trials of life' as parents ... I'm now go'n through that with my grandkids, but so far, these kids are fantastic with none of the typical drug problems we see today ... thank God ...

I sincerely hope you can get your message across to your kids Mike ... unfortunately, my youngest found out the hard way when he drank a few beers after work with friends one day (he was a 'Master' Cadillac engine mechanic) and overturned his truck on the way home one Friday nite ... he was ejected, and flown by 'Life-Flight' to the hospital ... he's paying for that risky behavior for the rest of his life ... (so are me and the wife) ...

Whatever steps you take, I wish you the best ... just keep in mine, God did not cause this to happen and by all means keep your faith, hope, and love intact ...


Love ya man and God Bless,
Pappy



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'



MIP Old Timer

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Thank you Guys!  I appreciate you sharing your ESH with me.  Your stories are inspiring.



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Senior Member

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Hang in there Mike. The alanon board here at MIP is pretty strong.

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Senior Member

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Hello, Sorry to hear you're going through tough times with your family. Most of us had to hit rock bottom before we were ready to admit we had a problem and life was getting out of control. The groups are a good place to find support and strength. When your son realizes his habit is getting the best of him and is willing to be open to receive help, yours will be the example he will want to follow. I'll keep your family in my prayers! Best wishes, Coogi

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