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Post Info TOPIC: Why I need AA


MIP Old Timer

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Why I need AA
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My program had been drifting a bit and was down to 1 meeting a week and not calling my sponsor. I noticed myself engaging in unhealthy obsessive behaviors. Wanting to job hop and chasing salaries rather than what lessons I need to learn from where I am at TODAY. So my sponsor has me amping up meetings and calling him daily again. The bs excuses I was making about being busy with work....being the boss there now...New marriage...they were just that. I have enough recovery to know what trying to sell that stuff to my sponsor means. It means sobriety losing its priority and that equals SLIP.  So I'm glad I could slip without picking up. Today I was blessed to go to a meeting and see so much beauty in recovery at all stages. Someone picked up a white chip. 2 folks celebrated anniversaries 13 and 26 years. They guy with 13 years shared how his dad had died a week prior and AA had given him the ability to repair a very damaged relationship with him to the point that his father was able to say he was sorry for not always accepting him and he was proud to have him as a son. Where else do I get to see things like that? My disease is sneaky. It tells me I am king recovery and I can run rehabs so I don't need to keep my ass planted and humble. I might be a a therapist...A certified addiction professional....but I'm still a drunk who does not know what's best for himself and who is very vulnerable to throwing it all away by being ego driven, intellectualizing, and talking myself right out of what I need.  I can congratulate myself on my progress, but if not vigilant,  it just means I will fall harder when I lose it all. My life is good today, but when I drift from recovery, I stop seeing the beauty of things. This recovery (all of ours) is a gift from God. Let's all stay vigilant and blessed.  We are the lucky ones!



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MIP Old Timer

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Aloha no Mark and mahalo...I see you were at my Sunday version home group of AA by the Bay as this expression of humility and gratitude within the spirit of the 12 step was what it was about.  Passing it on...thanks for that.  Continue being an instrument and others will stand a chance against this disease which often is fatal either with or against our will and participation.   (((hugs))) smile



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MIP Old Timer

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Thank you PinkChip.  Well said.  Right on the mark.

Blessings, Mike D.



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MIP Old Timer

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Great post PC ...



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'



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Mark I remember what one sponsor told me long ago. Take that medallion you have. There are two circles. One inner surrounding the number and the other on the outer edge. If you stay close to the inner small circle your sobriety is better since your in the middle of things. If you do less and live out on the edge of the big circle your sobriety will model it. Being out on the fringe apart from, instead of being apart of in the inner circle. Also on that coin is written to thine own self be true. But that also applies to how I treat other people as well. The grace is that you were able to recognize it and get back down to basics.

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MIP Old Timer

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pinkchip wrote:

My program had been drifting a bit and was down to 1 meeting a week and not calling my sponsor. I noticed myself engaging in unhealthy obsessive behaviors. Wanting to job hop and chasing salaries rather than what lessons I need to learn from where I am at TODAY. So my ... lucky ones!


Other people noticed it too, in all the posts about money and power. And the strategies for MORE  of each.

But none of the readers seemed to be able to point it out. The conversations were kind of, uh, one-sided.

Glad you're pulling the nose up, pc.

 

 



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MIP Old Timer

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That was harsh tanin...but perhaps true. I failed to think that peoples salaries naturally go up when they aren't getting wasted all the time and develop an inkling of ambition. I was priding myself on it WAY too much...but it comes from a sick place that I can easily slip back into (I have 2 rich and successful older sisters and have grown up thinking there goes screw up Mark). So basically like a "Look at me! I'm not a F##K up!" YAY! Normal people don't do that. That's MY issue. Power - I dunno. Status for sure.



-- Edited by pinkchip on Tuesday 9th of December 2014 08:08:54 AM

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MIP Old Timer

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And I know Power and Status may be the same thing but somehow they seem different.

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MIP Old Timer

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And here's another sick thing: Part of why I think being the boss is challenging and why I want to swap jobs a lot is that there is nobody right above me telling me I'm doing a great job. WTF is that? Hello? Inner worthiness much? Worth from my hp?

Humility is not as easily attained as I would think. When I have a feeling of being unworthy, I act in an opposite manner than humble but I don't notice as such because I'm still feeling less than on the inside. People could tell me was I was acting stuck up and I would be like "Oh no...impossible. I'm actually insecure." Um...duh. Insecure people are always the ones that act stuck up right?

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MIP Old Timer

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All recovering alcoholics go through a "maturing" phase the first few years into sobriety ... it's part of that "total honesty" thingy I think ...

Also, it can be part of that S.O.B.E.R. thingy we wake up to ... (Son Of a Bitch, Everything's Real.) ... I discovered I had the maturity of a 20 y/o at the age of 55, LOL ... I had a lot of growing up to do, still do ... all that stuff that I thought I 'had to have' seems 'trivial' now ... living life in love is the greatest possession I now own ... and noth'n material has the power to make me feel good about myself ... I discovered that 'love' is 'forever' ... material stuff is here, then gone ... 

Pappy



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MIP Old Timer

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Realizing and acknowledging our own human weaknesses is real spiritual maturity in sobriety, Mark.  You're a good example, and someone we can all look up to today.  Thanks for all your E.S.H.

Blessings, Mike D.



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MIP Old Timer

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Thanks for everything.  Peace and Love on your journey.  

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