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Post Info TOPIC: Why AA's 12 Steps Worked For Me But Sometimes Not for Others


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Why AA's 12 Steps Worked For Me But Sometimes Not for Others
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Why AA's Twelve Step Program Worked For Me

But Sometimes Not for Others 

 

I learned the hard way that suppressed, unhealed pain and fear is the underlying cause of addictive behaviors (drinking or drugging, overeating, over-working, over-shopping, gambling, habitually seeking sex/love relations, compulsively texting, computer surfing or talking, obsessive thinking, etc.) I hope by sharing my message, I can save someone else from making the same dreadful mistake I made.

 

We drink (or use other methods) to avoid facing and feeling our emotional pain. We don't want to deal with it. It is too much for us. At some level, it appears easier to ignore; easier to simply numb and bury our feelings by drinking. This thinking pattern probably began when we were very little, felt totally powerless and had no idea of how to fix our hurts. We could only cope with our feelings because we had no knowledge or understanding of how to honor, feel and heal our unwanted emotions as they arose. 

 

This developed the unconscious thinking patterns that we continue to experience throughout our lives. This developed an increasingly negative, fear-based perception. This also developed our character defects¹, which unknowingly cause problems in our relationships and all other aspects of our lives. If we do not change these stressful thought patterns, we cannot change our life, nor can we firmly establish emotional sobriety and true freedom from the obsession to drink.

 

From my own experience with working the program, I see the steps as a simple, systematic method designed to retrain our way of thinking and increase our awareness of the core fears we have been avoiding. Applying the twelve steps into our daily lives provides the potential for profound, life-changing results.  

 

However, the steps may appear so simple in their nature, that some underestimate their value and choose not to practice them. This is what I did. I spent ten months as a dry drunk, feeling nothing but depressed and deprived in sobriety. This resulted in a near fatal relapse. Upon returning to my home group, I got a sponsor who taught the steps as laid out from the big book, and that is when my new life began. 

 

It is in the thorough application of the twelve steps that heals and continues to free us of our suppressed pain and fear. Love-based emotions² and thoughts began to replace my fear-based emotions³ and thoughts. My conscious awareness and direct experience of life became filled with more love and less fear. From this, my character defects simply started to fade away.  

 

It was a huge epiphany for me when I recognized this natural process had nothing to do with the condition of the outer circumstances of my life. I became free of being dependent on people and experiences outside of myself to feel secure, happy and whole. This was an entirely new way of living for me! 

 

Until I learned how to deal with my unwanted emotions, my stinking thinking resorted to drinking as a way to cope with the hidden pain and fears. I now understand this avoidance does not eliminate the problem. Over time, the hidden pain and fears accumulate and will only strengthen and intensify. 

 

This is why will power alone is not enough. One can stop drinking with sheer effort and determination. But for lasting, successful emotional sobriety, you must also change your thinking. When you fix the hidden errors of your thinking: 

 

·         You change how you perceive yourself, other people and your life's circumstances

·         Which changes how you feel (inner emotional energy)

·         Which changes your decision making and behaviors

·         Which changes what you are energetically in alignment with attracting

·        Which in turn, spontaneously changes your entire life to one that flows with increased present moment awareness, ease and grace, love and joy, spontaneous right action, universal support and fulfillment. 

 

As a result, a deep gratitude for life develops and a natural desire to help others achieve this. This is what the twelfth step refers to as: "having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps". 

 

AA's 12 step program really worked for me when I became willing to work the program! 

 

***

 

¹Behavioral defense mechanisms; how we respond to people and life situations to avoid facing our fears

²Love-based emotions: peace, joy, compassion, forgiveness, trust, faith, feeling safe and secure, feelings of worthiness, non-judgmental feelings, unifying feelings, humility, gratitude, sharing, caring, giving, fulfillment, completeness, fullness of life.

³Fear-based emotions: anger, resentment, hate, sorrow, worry, insecure, grief, emptiness, guilt, shame, jealousy, envy, self-pity, arrogance, pride, feelings of superiority, feelings of inferiority, feelings of victimhood, feelings of unworthiness, judgmental feelings, feelings of separation, self-loathing.

 

Written by Connie Fox

 



-- Edited by Connie F on Monday 17th of November 2014 11:02:41 AM



-- Edited by Connie F on Monday 17th of November 2014 11:05:51 AM



-- Edited by Connie F on Monday 17th of November 2014 11:09:36 AM



-- Edited by Connie F on Friday 21st of November 2014 10:59:31 PM

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Connie


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Good stuff Connie, ... Welcome to MIP ...



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Thank you pythonpappy! But, what is MIP?



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Connie


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Hi Connie,

I'm glad you posted here!  It's good stuff that many need to hear.  Thanks.....and keep it coming.  It's good to hear from you.

Blessings, Mike D.



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Aw, thank you! :))



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Connie


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Good post, Connie ..... "half measures availed us nothing" - "Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely."

The longer Im around the more I realize that it's all (well hidden in plain sight) in HOW IT WORKS. biggrin



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Hi Connie, ... MIP is this web site ... "Miracles In Progress" ...



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Connie. I can so identify with your post. Esp on how in your own words alcohol is nothing but a symptom of a much larger problem that's been with us since childhood. I can hear that inner child calling out when we are hurt or experiencing negative emotions. It was had for me to experience my hurt, acknowledge it and heal through the pain without beating myself up with it. Did it my whole life. Today I can feel my emotions for what they are and move on. Instead of wallowing in self pity, telling myself I'm worthless and so on. I remember my sponsor telling me every character defect we have can all be traced to some form of fear directly or indirectly. They are all fear based I agree. A lot of it for me was the fear of not knowing what's going to happen. That somehow i was going to experience more pain and hurt. Today I combat fear with faith, that no matter what it's going to be ok. It's only possible by putting my trust and reliance in God. With God all things are possible. I truly believe that and the little boy inside me is not quite so scared and anxious anymore.

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Thank you Connie!  Great post!

Enigma- They are all fear based I agree. A lot of it for me was the fear of not knowing what's going to happen.

I can relate to that!  My Sponsor reminds me often, that fear of the unknown is our biggest fear.   

 



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Pythonpappy,

Ha! I should have guessed. ;))



-- Edited by Connie F on Wednesday 19th of November 2014 09:09:33 PM

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LOL, ... glad to be of service Connie ...

I've had to ask many questions in the past too, where the answers should have jumped right out at me ... and I have learned, when in doubt, ask ... it's the only way for me to learn ...


Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy



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I'd like to thank Connie, Pappy, and all the others on the MIP board for sharing how the 12 Steps have changed their lives.  Far too often we tend to hear the trials, tribulations, struggles, and suffering that many experience, especially in the early days of trying to stay sober.  The messages that helped me the most in early sobriety were from those old timers who had worked the Steps and shared what they did and the results they got from it.  Had I not heard their experience over and over again, I doubt that I would have taken the 12 Step actions that have brought me so much joy in life.  Working and sharing together, we become brand new people embracing a brand new world that we never dreamed existed.

Thanks again, Mike D.



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Thank you Mike, and I totally agree! Thank you old timers for sharing with us younger sobriety folk! ;))



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Mike B.,

Yes! What a huge one!...the fear of not knowing; such a vulnerable and usually uncomfortable place to be. It is kind of funny almost, because even when we think we do, it could all change in a moment! We are not the coordinator of this universe! ha! The steps taught me how to actually be able to have peace "not knowing". SO much more anyway. It took me about 3+ months to become somewhat effective at learning how to surrender when first learning step three. It was very, very frustrating for me at first. But, I started being able to "let go and let God" with my fears, worries, needs, problems, desires, etc. A trust that my Higher Power can, does and will take care of everything much better than I ever have or could, continues to strengthen. Of course, more consistent peace, inner joy and gratitude develops from this. One of my most sought after questions I like to ask other AA'ers (or other 12 stepper) who have developed this surrendering well, is how did/do they become proficient at step three? I'd love anyone's advice on this....HOW you are able to surrender to your Higher Power effectively? It is sometimes hard to decipher the fine line involved with needing to take action, plan, take initiative in life, make goals and accomplish them, handle life issues adeptly, etc. and when/how to surrender it to God. We can't just be a leaf in the wind throughout life, but are taught from AA to go with the flow, trusting God to take care of what we need along the way. It is sometimes confusing and frankly, sometimes things in life are NOT ok.

 

Thank you!!

Connie 



-- Edited by Connie F on Thursday 20th of November 2014 11:20:37 PM



-- Edited by Connie F on Friday 21st of November 2014 09:02:48 AM

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Morn'n Connie, ... I must comment on this later ... we had over-nite company and I have to wait til I get a moment alone so as to think, LOL ... (it's my wife's childhood friend, Connie, from 50+ years ago, go fig'r ...)(and it's 'non-stop' TALK'n around here, LOL ...) ...(and it's too cold in the garage, ha! ...)



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Thanks so much pythonpappy! Too funny. ha!

Connie



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Connie F wrote:

Mike B.,

Yes! What a huge one!...the fear of not knowing; such a vulnerable and usually uncomfortable place to be. It is kind of funny almost, because even when we think we do, it could all change in a moment! We are not the coordinator of this universe! ha! The steps taught me how to actually be able to have peace "not knowing". SO much more anyway. It took me about 3+ months to become somewhat effective at learning how to surrender when first learning step three. It was very, very frustrating for me at first. But, I started being able to "let go and let God" with my fears, worries, needs, problems, desires, etc. A trust that my Higher Power can, does and will take care of everything much better than I ever have or could, continues to strengthen. Of course, more consistent peace, inner joy and gratitude develops from this. One of my most sought after questions I like to ask other AA'ers (or other 12 stepper) who have developed this surrendering well, is how did/do they become proficient at step three? I'd love anyone's advice on this....HOW you are able to surrender to your Higher Power effectively? It is sometimes hard to decipher the fine line involved with needing to take action, plan, take initiative in life, make goals and accomplish them, handle life issues adeptly, etc. and when/how to surrender it to God. We can't just be a leaf in the wind throughout life, but are taught from AA to go with the flow, trusting God to take care of what we need along the way. It is sometimes confusing and frankly, sometimes things in life are NOT ok.


 Hey Connie, ... 

1st off, this is one of the best posts I've seen here on MIP ... and you ask a very important question which has rarely been asked ... It has been my experience that alcoholics absolutely hate being told what they have to, need to, ought to, must,  'DO' ... anytime, anywhere, not just in recovery ... so ... when we first hear to 'Let Go and Let God', we think, yeah, right ... how's that go'n to help??? ... but when we 'honestly and sincerely' try, it does ... 

When we practice what the BB suggests, things begin to change over time (sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly ...) ... pg. 87

"What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it."

I had a rather dramatic experience while driving to a meet'n once ... it suddenly came to me that God was sit'n next to me in the car and I had absolutely noth'n to worry about ever again as long as I let Him control things and got my butt out of the way ... another BB passage comes to mind: ... pg. 85   "What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of Gods will into all of our activities. How can I best serve Thee-Thy will (not mine) be done. These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.

Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from Him who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us. To some extent we have become God-conscious. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense."
 
You asked;  how did/do they become proficient at step three? I'd love anyone's advice on this....HOW you are able to surrender to your Higher Power effectively?   Once a 'faith' has been established that He is indeed listening to you and your talks(prayers) are being heard, then you want to become closer ... this by do'n what the BB suggests again, by starting your day with prayer and again periodically throughout the day and again at night before retiring to bed ... (I did this at the chagrin of my sponsor, think'n he was nuts.  But the more I did it, the more I felt the change in me ...)
 
You also stated:  but are taught from AA to go with the flow, trusting God to take care of what we need along the way. It is sometimes confusing and frankly, sometimes things in life are NOT ok.    AH-HA ... No, somethings in life are not okay ... I just recently found out I have an advanced form of prostate cancer that I didn't plan to have to deal with ... but, I am taking advantage of the doctors God put in my life to fix me ... if it doesn't work, then God needs me somewhere else more than keeping me here ... 
 
SO, ... 'going with the flow' to me, means accepting 'what is' ... and being able to rest assured that 'things are as they SHOULD be' ... a death in the family, the death of a child, a good person suddenly stricken very ill, etc. ... hard to accept ???, ... sure ... but I feel many, if not most, of the time we are not meant to "understand" ...  "WHY" ... because IF we did, then we'd have ALL knowledge and power ... the same as God ... and that, my dear, just can't work ...
 
you've heard the story about the guy sinking on a house during a flood, guy comes by in a boat and asks the guy to get in his boat, the man refuses saying that God will save him, but thanks ... this goes on a couple more times til the guy drowns ... later, He asked God why He didn't save him??? ... God said I sent you a rescue 3 different times, why didn't you get in the boat, helicopter, or barge ??? ... SO ... this guy wanted to 'control the method' of his own rescue rather than paying attention to the signs in front of his nose ... he was 'out-of-tune' with God ... 
 
Maintaining 'conscious contact' with God, 'One Day At A Time' is what saved me from ME ... ... ... 
 
 
Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy
 
 






-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Friday 21st of November 2014 12:28:19 PM

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Pappy,

Quadruple wow!! I get it! I really do. Boy, do you have a special way with words! Of course, I have read those excerpts before. But, hearing them from you in this way has connected the dots even further! And, being "out of tune" with God... I get it!!! You have just confirmed a lot of stuff for me. Thank you so much for your time and care! I have already printed them out and have them in my purse. I think I will be carrying them for quite a while and re-reading.

 

Thank you Pappy! :))

Connie



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