Alcoholics Anonymous
Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Question About Sponsoring


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 9
Date:
Question About Sponsoring
Permalink  
 


When I am sponsoring someone...

How long should I continue to work Step 1 with someone who is not ready to admit that they are an alcoholic? A month? Three? Although their drinking history certainly sounds like they are, I know I cannot make that call and they have to be the one to do that. I just want to be sure I am doing everything I need to be doing to help them while at the same time, if someone else is better suited to help them, I need to be able to understand and accept that. Thank you for your input and have a Blessed day.



__________________


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 186
Date:
Permalink  
 

I would have them read the Doctors opinion in the BB. Patience love and tolerance is the key. I think their is no time frame you either believe you have a problem or don't. Maybe he needs to go back out and do some more controlled drinking maybe he's not ready. Remember the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking not admit your a alcoholic. He either believes he is powerless over booze or he doesn't. But it wouldn't be out of line after a few months to say to him call me when u have a problem with booze!!!

__________________


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 1305
Date:
Permalink  
 

Before anything ese I would ask "are you satisfied he is a real alcoholic?" P90, and if so, has he read the Big book and is he willing to go through with the spiritual program of action which starts with step one. If not, the book has some suggestions as do some of the pamphlets describing AA.
For example AA does not furnish motivation to quit. We don't like to pronounce anyone alcoholic.
If a man is not interested or just wants you to be his banker and nurse maid, leave him alone. Don't push him, you may spoil a later opportunity. Don't waste time on him, you may be depriving someone else of help they really want and need.

If you want to wear your self out, carry on. As long as he is not convinced (abc's) the seeds of relapse are already there. His deep denial will prevent him taking the steps honestly because he will believe he doesn't really need to. He will not believe he is powerless. John Barleycorn is the man to sort this one out.

For alcoholics of my type, when we are ready, step one is a no brainer. We spent hundreds of thousands of dollars, suffered endless pain to get there. We don't need pursuading. In order to follow this program successfully, there must be no hidden doubts, no delusions that we are different.

__________________

Fyne Spirit

Walking with curiosity.



MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 1570
Date:
Permalink  
 

Maybe your sponsee hasn't hit bottom yet? AA experience has taught us that your sponsee must do so.

"...few people will sincerely try to practice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom."

Maybe have your sponsee read Step One in the 12 & 12. That is enough of a clear explanation of what it is conceptually and why it is crucial to recovery.

In general, the steps of AA don't have to be done in order but it is difficult to proceed by skipping Step One. But that might be worth trying. Maybe go to Step Two.

As far as a time limit, that's up to your judgement.

Has your sponsee  read any of the stories in the BB? Those helped me a lot to admit I was an alkie.

 

 

 

 

 



-- Edited by Tanin on Saturday 6th of September 2014 02:43:57 PM

__________________

First, deal with the things that might kill you.

 



Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 9
Date:
Permalink  
 

Thank you for the helpful advice. I really appreciate it. Just want to make sure I am doing what I need to.


__________________


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 56
Date:
Permalink  
 

I read somewhere in the big book, that you should keep your eye on someone whos in that area.  that you should wait till they go on another spree, or at least for a lucid interval after they get hurt some more.  Your sponsee might come to a point after they drink some more, where they sincerely want to quit.  Ive seen a lot of people in meetings who keep coming back but haven't fully stopped yet, and they "Want to Want to quit" but haven't really said it yet.  maybe in time your sponsee will say something, I would keep them in mind.



__________________


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 3412
Date:
Permalink  
 

If someone lacks the confidence to make an important decision, like sobering up, chances are they won't. They may stay sober for awhile, usually for a month or two, but in the end their attempts will only go unnoticed. Eventually they become frustrated again and leave. It's another sad statistic that some of us cannot explain.  

The truth is; nothing can be more convincing than a good dose of what bit them. It's something I experienced myself time and time again, usually before the gates of hell came crashing down. In most cases, it's the only thing that actually works.

I think what's happening here, as it does in a lot of sobering scenarios, is the emergence of what I call "recovery overload". In simply terms, they haven't found an answer that makes any sense. They have become what I call a perpetual 1st stepper and that's not a good place to be.

So what happens? Unfortunately for them, it's usually more of the same. They return again and again hoping to get a glimpse of something better only to have their hopes crushed like before. They either get overwhelmed by conflicting messages or get tired of the same old routine and leave. Again, It's another sad statistic that all recovery platforms deal with daily. It does not mean we should give up, not entirely. It just means we need to open the lines of communication that's all.

I think the key additive that can turn anyone's recovery around is to instill a greater sense of responsibility. It's the first sign of a real commitment, bar none. Let's face it; recovering alcoholics need to become proactive instead of reactive if they want to remain sober, and what better way than through active participation. It's a sobering reality that not only makes sense but has also stood the test of time. 

The 1st step is not just an admission of powerlessness, per se, but an action step as well. It's A.A's version of cause and effect just without the added remorse. The only problem is the realization the comes from letting go, entirely. It may cause some people to wise up and embrace the A.A. way of life, altogether, while for others it will still remain a mystery even though the solution is pretty evident. It's not for the weak of heart and never will be.     

So here's the bottom line: Recovering alcoholics need to commit themselves to change before the change actually occurs. If not, the prospects of sobriety will be very limited, indeed. The only question that remains is, will they? I hope so. Onward.   



-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 6th of September 2014 11:08:48 PM

__________________
Mr.David


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 9
Date:
Permalink  
 

Much of what you posters have said has been what I am afraid of. I wasn't ready to work the steps until I realized I was powerless and my life was a wreak. When that happened, I knew damn well I was an alcoholic. I didn't want a sponsor until I realized that I couldn't do it on my own. Tried, didn't work. Almost went out again. That is the part that is so surprising about this sponsee. So different from me. Just missing the #1 thing that I feel is most important before one can stay sober....and that is admitting one is an alcoholic.
Thanks again everyone.

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.