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Post Info TOPIC: Sponsorphobia---Fear of Getting a Sponsor


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Sponsorphobia---Fear of Getting a Sponsor
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I had sponsorphobia for several months after I was first sober. I put off finding a sponsor because I didn't feel comfortable confiding all my deepest darkest secrets to someone I barely knew. In my mind I thought this is what we pay therapists for and I sure didn't want to share some of the things I thought and did in the past with someone else and particularly not to another alcoholic. Well, I did have therapists....quite a few of them over the years. Although all of them advised me to quit drinking, none of them could stop me from doing so. I was on different anti-anxiety and anti-depressants drugs, too. None of those pills got rid of all my crazy "moods" and negative and harmful thinking patterns either. So I attended meetings and listened and felt I was doing alright just by going to them everyday and staying sober. The problem was that although I was managing to not pick up a drink, my thinking was not changing. I still had the same fears, the same worries and paranoia, the guilt, and many other negative thinking patterns which made me want to drink in the first place. I started to question the effectiveness of a program which was not helping these "thoughts" disappear. It wasn't until my thoughts became so overwhelming and I almost did start to drink again, on more than one occasion, that I became desperate enough to begin to consider that maybe these people in the meetings were being on the up and up in their shares and maybe it was possible to change. So I prayed to my Higher Power to bring a sponsor into my life. I didn't really want one, however, "if it was meant that I had to have one in order to stay sober", please help me find one. One came. It wasn't easy to do the 4th Step--writing down all my crap and reading it to another person and fearing I would be judged. The 5th Step wasn't a whole lot of fun either. But I did them because I was tired of drinking by that time and "had enough" of all the problems which were a result of my drinking. I had to get over myself and my fear of opening up to another in order to save myself from myself. I am so glad I did. I actually felt a sense of relief when I completed these steps. In time, I noticed that my thinking was not the same as it had been. My perceptions had changed. I no longer live fearing things and people as I had for so many years everyday of my life--even before I started drinking. It was and still is amazing to me that all I had to do was be willing to work the Steps, as the AA program suggests.

It is proof enough for me, that just going to meetings wasn't going to keep me sober. Finding a sponsor to work the Steps with me saved my life. As this is an ongoing process, actually a lifetime one to ensure my sobriety,  it is necessary to continue to take daily inventory of myself--not of others, which I was so good at doing in the past. So I have to pray for guidance and ask my HP to remove any character defects which I notice, such as fear, jealousy, false pride, etc. I also have to make amends if I know of anything I have done to hurt another person. It is important for me not to harbor any grudges, resentments, guilt. These are things which made me depressed and angry and led me straight to the liquor store. So I have to stay on top of any of these emotions and do my best to get rid of them.

I am living proof that this program works. I was someone who was always miserable. I hated myself. I am not sure if I actually "hated" anyone else, however, I sure didn't like others. I drank to cover up the reality that I didn't know who I was and I drank because I wasn't who I thought I should be. I also drank because no one else was who I thought they should be either. I was a very very confused person. Today,  I have love for myself and feel so much love for others. I am more patient and tolerant, as well. With myself and with others. I would beat myself down over the least little thing. I was my own worst enemy. Also,  I would get upset if someone had the "nerve" to disagree with me. Now I try to "live and let live" and if someone doesn't agree with me, it's okay; it doesn't mean that there is something wrong with me and it doesn't mean that there is something wrong with them. It's all okay.

I thought when I was sitting in all those meetings early in my sobriety and listening to all the shares from people who had worked the Steps and whose lives had changed, that it all sounded too good to be true and I really doubted their sincerity. Now I know it is true because it happened to me as well. They were being honest.   I love this program and just wanted to share my experiences. I hope it helps someone reading it today and that hopefully, it will ease your "sponsorphobia", too.

Have a Blessed day!

 



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MIP Old Timer

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Welcome to the site...I think you just explained exactly how it works.

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When all else fails...Follow the directions.



Senior Member

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I sort of interviewed potential sponsors. Got numbers. Called women. Saw who called back and who didn't. Gauged how well we communicated over the phone since I knew that would be more frequent than live contact. A temporary sponsor took ownership of me on day three in program so I had some accountability with someone until I found a fit. Day 30 I got the courage to ask. I was afraid of being judged in my fifth so I shared my worst offenses at the start of our relationship. She didn't even bat an eye! : ) sponsorship was so necessary for me. She played so many different roles in my early sobriety, but first and foremost she was a conduit to my higher power. I have moved on to another sponsor who I felt a stronger spiritual connection with but my first sponsor and I are still friends. It was scary to "break up" but it was done so with the purpose to keep growing and not out of a resentment. There were times I had wanted to throw in the towel bc I would get so mad but navigating the relationship and building a relationship with another woman helped me manage other relationships in my life. Grateful for my sponsor. Grateful for AA. Chaya

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