The first time I heard this saying I thought it was cruel and insensitive. I had been in Al-Anon about six months and was still convinced that I not only could help other people in my life recover, but that it was in fact my job to do so. Learning to detach with love was still foreign to me and the idea of allowing someone to destroy their life was unthinkable. When I asked my sponsor what to do he told me to look at my own experience.
As a double winner (in both programs), I knew first hand how ineffective others were in trying to get me to see the dangers of my drinking and using. The more they tried to warn me or control my behavior, the more I resented and avoided them. In fact, their attempts had the opposite effect - they drove me to isolate and drink even more! In the end what I learned to be true is what I've since heard in meetings a thousand times - until we admit to our innermost selves that we're an alcoholic (or addict) we won't do the things we need to do to get and stay sober.
Over the years one of the things that continue to baffle me is why some people recover and others - who so obviously need it and would benefit from it - don't. I've had to accept my powerlessness over others, but it's still hard to see those I care about ruin their lives. My sponsor once told me that I needed to respect someone's decision to drink themselves to death. That still sounds harsh but there's a strange, sad truth to it.
It's a reminder that people have the right to not recover.
Copyright @ 2014 Michael Z
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
This is SO amazing - thank you! It is a hard pill to swallow - beyond that - it's even harder for me to swallow that some need and do deserve the time it takes for them to swallow it... like it did for me! Those people - some that are standing close to us - deserve a gentle kind example too - we are all equals - we all have the right to recover from whatever our current challenge is equally. It is hard for me not to pick and chose what's easiest for me to accept. I guess I can be gentle with myself on that one too - progress not perfection - for one and all ... even me :)
-- Edited by justadrunk on Tuesday 2nd of September 2014 01:23:20 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
This is SO amazing - thank you! It is a hard pill to swallow - beyond that - it's even harder for me to swallow that some need and do deserve the time it takes for them to swallow it... like it did for me! Those people - some that are standing close to us - deserve a gentle kind example too - we are all equals - we all have the right to recover from whatever our current challenge is equally. It is hard for me not to pick and chose what's easiest for me to accept. I guess I can be gentle with myself on that one too - progress not perfection - for one and all ... even me :)