hello, I was a very active member and stayed sober for 10 years (and this was not the first time, took many tries before that too). eventually life got really busy and I slowly took less commitments and less service and focused (obsessed) on work, travel, money etc. As they say...anything you will put before your recovery you will ultimately lose....well, this was true for me. No plan whatsoever I found myself at a celebration (not unusual) and was offered a drug and with no mental defense went for it....I was elated, and decided since I was :out" I would just go for a crazy weekend ( was in vegas) and then go home and back to normal life and on with it, put it behind me. I lost my very lucrative job within about a week, went hog wild, after about 6 weeks I overdosed, got involved with someone as intense of a drinker as myself and we proceeded to drink together daily for the next 9 months. he continued to get arrested and I kept winding up in the ER. long story short after 7 detox attempts I have a couple days shy of 60 days. I went through every dime I had saved, every credit card, my retirement fund, etc etc and haven't worked in a year! definitely looking though. Im very grateful I made it back but It is very strange to come back after having had time. the people I was "buddies" with before are gone or are in very different places. have a new sponsor just barely getting to know, its all new but without the joy of before, im still giving myself a really hard time for losing everything and letting myself relapse and mess up all of the hard work I achieved, inside and out. gained 15 lbs which is not coming off....that's easy though. worst thing that has happened was I was in a coma for 3 days from a second overdose that I amazingly made it through and am still having side effects - seizures, migraines. I hope that will resolve. so, if anyone out there is getting "sick of AA" and is bored with it, believe me, it is not worth thinking you can go for a weekend or drink like a normal person if you are truly alcoholic.
If anyone has had this experience I would love to hear from you,, I am trying to figure out how to be back in the middle, as they say, but don't feel like part of the group anymore, it is all changed (perspective?) no pink cloud here :) but im glad to be alive and have a second chance...
Aloha Monty and welcome back. Relapse hasn't happened to me "YET" as the word is used and I listen intently to the relapsers. My home groups has a lot of "retreads" and they are respected and honored with journeys that are invaluable. They can tell it like it is after telling it how it was...We all listen because we know our disease isn't curable and for us there is no normal drinking. I have a couple sponsees who have done the "loop" and are not blind to some or many of the triggers one timers seem to pass over. One of our home meeting servants just got his first year chip after a 16 year attempt and recycled a whole handful of chips he garnered along the way. His story is very very supportive of "getting in, following the suggestions and getting it right".
Where do you fit? Pick a chair, any chair sit down, listen, learn and then practice, practice, practice which is how I was taught. You got 10 years history on doing this and have already gotten the booze and other drugs out of the way...duplicate the 10 years and then take the next step. In support and thanks for the ESH. (((hugs)))
Well, welcome back! And with 60 days under your belt, you've got a great start. I know relapse hurts, and I know about the shame you may feel. I spent my first five years around the rooms relapsing and I would beat myself up terribly afterward for a long time. The self contempt really didn't do me any good and is probably counter productive. So if you are having any of those feelings, put them aside and live in today! I've seen people with 14 years and other lengths of time relapse. We're dealing with a disease here, and like diabetes or cancer, relapse happens. (I know relapse doesn't have to happen, but it happens). Take your experience and learn from it, recognize those signs so you can act if you see them again.
How do you get back in the middle? Go to meetings, get there 30 minutes early, leave 30 minutes late. Have a sponsor, work the steps. Go to Big Book meetings. Do service - make coffee, be an intergroup rep,.... Call people in your groups. Speak. Do 12 step work. You know all this. Don't feel like an outsider, identify! Be part of the group, it's your group, it's your illness.
And you know the other stuff will take care of itself. Your Higher Power will provide you with what you need as you seek to do his will. Day at a time. You DO know all this, just gotta do it.
hello, I was a very active member and stayed sober for 10 years (and this was not the first time, took many tries before that too). eventually life got really busy and I slowly took less commitments and less service and focused (obsessed) on work, travel, money etc.
Welcome to the site Monty. I'm not a believer in triggers...I think a trigger is nothing more than an excuse. Sounds like you stopped doing what was working....Simple as that.
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe.
BB pg 85
I'm curious if besides the service commitments...Did the meetings and practicing steps 10 and 11 daily fall by the wayside too?
How do you get back in the middle?.....You put yourself there. I'd suggest meetings everyday..At least one. LAUNCHING into that course of vigorous action they talk about.....And sharing your experience so someone else may not have to make the same mistake. You have a lot to offer. You know how it works.....And what happens when you stop working it. It's great to have you with us....Forward we go.
-- Edited by Stepchild on Saturday 23rd of August 2014 06:59:56 AM
Hello Monty and welcome back. You still have 10 years of sobriety behind you, like anything else that you've had a great deal of experience with, like your career. You've got a little bit of a hump to get over which is allowing your brain and body time to heal and find it's natural balance, which takes time and you must resolve to allow for this by biding time in the fellowship, praying for patience and acceptance. Filling your days with meetings is important but so is developing other routines useful and frivolous, such as bike rides, walks with nature, reading, joining a club for an interest. We are a talented and resilient bunch and once on the mend can accomplish much in a short period of time. With acceptance of your current situation and tremendous gratitude for the chance for another start, you can put your previous status behind you, set new goals, different goals, spiritual, personal, health... (don't compare) and move forward into a new adventure with faith that your experiences will benefit you and others. Stick around, we are like a family in here with brothers and sisters around the country and the world.
Welcome Monty! I think it's gonna take just a bit longer than 60 days to settle back into your AA seat. Your message is powerful though and so valuable for all of us to hear. I KNOW you belong in this group and any AA group because of that. I hope it starts to feel more "right" soon. I believe it will.
I went to a large meeting a few months ago where the entire topic was how difficult it was to get time back again after having had a long time sober then relapsing. The only people sharing at the meeting were those who had that experience. It was something I needed to hear....just like your message.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Welcome back Monty, so glad you're back with us. You haven't lost that ten years, you've still got it. You have an amazing amount of experience behind you regarding how to live sober that you can draw on in this new journey. I totally understand feeling disappointed with yourself, but that's done and you have today now. You're sober today. That's a miracle. Start recognizing the miracle of today and put the work in and you'll feel better in no time. Thanks for sharing and for helping us.
Thanks Monty, I have a similar situation as I went back to the active side of the illness after 5 yrs. I spent ten yrs back out there, so I have experienced your situation. Coming back was a painful, embarrassing, fear producing experience and my faith in the whole deal was damaged. So getting back on board was difficult. As our literature describes, once having faith,then having lost it, can be a challenging position to be in. There was no easy way out of my dilemma. I would like to profess that it was an easy transition, but for me it was not. However, I hung in there despite all the crazy things I heard in my head and eventually began to take the actions that brought me back to reality. I adore this way of life and what at first seemed like a horrible situation turned out to be a wonderfull experience that is of monumental benefit to those who need the message, and for those who csn use it as a cautionary tale. I am grateful to have been thru it but would not want to go through it again. Today my inner life is reasonably peaceful, fairly balanced and full of gratitude. I will say that my experience turned out to be very beneficial. It helps me in the belief that things maybe do happen for reasons we cannot comprehend, at any rate mine was a spring board to better things. I hope yours turns out the same. God Bless
Welcome back Monty, ... we still love you ... sorry you became an example for us about what happens when we stop working the program ... your post is timely for me ... I've let myself get a little complacent lately ... thanks for the reminder that my disease is out there waited for me to have a 'weak' moment ...
Welcome to MIP ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
P.S. You 'fit' right in with us here AND at your local group meetings ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I had seven years sober, a seven year relapse and today I have twenty-two years.
If you find that sentence to be encouraging, then think of the encouragement that you'll be able to give to others as a result of this relapse. I'm glad you're back. I'm even glad you went back out - for two reasons. First, because you didn't die. Second, because I know how much better my sobriety, my relationship with my HP, and my life is this time around.
Hi, I just found this site and your post caught my eye. I have 9.5 years sober and have almost stopped going to meetings entirely. The last one I was at was over a month ago. I am using the excuses that I am busy. I work the night shift, I am in school, and I run a household by myself. I have become quite solitary lately and have recently broken off a long term relationship. Self pity and loneliness are setting in. I know that I need to get out to meetings and seeing your post has lit a fire under my you know what. So thank you for sharing your experience, I am going to get out to a meeting tomorrow and get involved somehow. I hope that you are able to find your way back to peace.
Welcome to the site charlotte....The original poster hasn't returned as of yet. Maybe this post was for you....Still trying to figure out how God works. I hope you won't be a stranger here.....Watch out for the self pity and isolation....They're killers....And have a great meeting.
Welcome to MIP Charlotte, ... We do 'wake-up' posts here too, LOL ... glad you found us ... God DOES work in mysterious ways!!! ... welcome to our family ...
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Not to hijack this post, but wanted to let everyone know that I made it out to a local meeting last night and feel better about my ability to get back in the swing of things. I am back to school tonight so busy, busy, busy, but I will be also going to an anniversary meeting on Friday night. I feel that my hope for my future sobriety has returned. Will try to keep up with this site as I think it is a great alternative if you can't always get out to a meeting.
Very good to hear from you again, Charlotte. If I may suggest - would you consider posting again, maybe start a new thread about your current experiences of renewing your participation in AA? There may be others who could benefit from hearing about an AA member like you getting back in 'the middle of the life boat'. Maybe update us on that Friday meeting?
Good to hear charlotte...And Dave has a good idea. Start a new topic and let us know how Friday's meeting went. Very happy to hear you are getting back in the swing.
Good to hear Charlotte! I'm glad you're getting yourself back in the spritual saddle. This is one of the dividends we receive by accumulating sober time. We have the awareness and wisdom to know something doesn't feel right. We're deficit in one/many of the key area's of recovery(Unity, Service & Recovery). We know where the solution is and we have the humility to change. We can stop living in the problem and start living in the solution again. Not everyone gets that chance.
