Hi! Just sitting here enjoying a lazy lazy Saturday. I haven't even gotten up to leave the house. I haven't talked to anyone, only via text.
I always start off my cherishing this down time, but many hours into it my mind starts going and going and the down time starts feeling depressing. My mind is such a dangerous neighborhood. I'm leaving in a while to babysit my nephew, so at least I'll be able to experience his joy.
So far early sobriety feels okay, just a little lonely. I have met great women that I can call if I need to, but I don't really have much of a social network besides that. And I don't realily have actual friends in the program yet.
I drank in isolation, and I don't want to continue to live my life sober in isolation.
I think having a few hours of solitude is a good thing. It gives me a chance to reflect and have a casual conversation with God. At some point, though, I also need to spend some time interacting with my fellow human beings. Both of these things are good for me.
I drank in isolation, and I don't want to continue to live my life sober in isolation.
I know for myself Namaste...That's the kiss of death. Early sobriety for me...Was a time I had to keep myself busy. I had no "friends" left....None of the people I hung around with wanted anything to do with a non drinker. That would make them look at their own problems. I had no problem parting ways with them. I've made new freinds...But that took going to meetings....showing up early....Hanging around after them. That happens with time. And doing it. I also dedicated time every day for stepwork. My sponsor made it clear to me....I needed a routine....And I needed to follow it. I was all over the map early on. Undisciplined. I had to practice that...To work at it. I'm an alkie...When I was alone too much...Self pity would set in....And that's not a good place for me to be. Hang in there Namaste....Keep moving forward.
Thanks. By nature I'm an introvert so I do need alone time to refuel. And I tend to like the quieter activities in life.
So far I've been going to 4 meetings a week. Some other AAs told me I should go to more, and yet another AA told me that "AA has no opinion on the amount of meetings you need to go to." I do know the more I go the more people I'll meet. I want to meet sober people I can be friends with.
Hi Namaste,
I can really identify. I crave alone time and then my mind starts working overtime and it leaves me crazier than I started out with. I try to make a point to leave the house before noon even if it's just for a walk, to grab a coffee, or to go to a nooner. I find getting out in society sets me up so that my brain isn't quite as much of a jerk for the rest of the day.
Rather than just relying on phone contact with other women in the program why not suggest meeting up for a coffee or ice cream? Other things I can suggest are classes of some kind, exercise groups, etc. Anything that gets you out for a bit of interaction.
Those are real good suggestions Ruby T.....Real good. Namaste...Don't get me wrong...I like my alone time too. I'm just saying early on....It was dangerous for me. One thing I do know about this program though....As important as meetings are....They are not the solution to our problem. The steps are. I believe you were on the third step decision on the last post I remember from you....Have you moved onto to step four yet?
I tend to be a little introverted as well, but early on I went to alot of meetings. Go 30 minutes early and stay 30 minutes late and you'll have the greatest chance of making new friends. Also see if you can find a meeting where they go out afterward for a bite to eat. That's a great way to build friendships and it's just a lot of fun. I've found a group to go eat with throughout my sobriety and sometimes it's just hilarious to be with them.
Also, if you should look around and see if there are any conventions coming up in your area, like a state AA convention, or sometimes a city will put one on, etc.. This gives you a chance to go hear new speakers and again make some new friends. You can just sit down next to someone and start talking to them and before you know it you've made another friend.
As far as number of meetings... in early sobriety I went to 90 in 90, and I've been to more than one in a day. My average now is 3 a week. I adjust that up if I'm stressed (along with my other tools), and I can temporarily cut back if other things are going on.
And then of course there's the telephone. Call people up and tell 'em your sponsor told you to call people in the program. They'll be very sympathetic! :)
I am newly sober as well and can relate to you! I enjoy my alone time, especially when I can actually do something that I WANT to do (Like sitting around drinking coffee and reading the paper on weekend mornings). However, I also get stuck in my head. This mainly occurs, I believe, because I am procrastinating. I will be doing something that needs alone time/concentration for (I work from home a lot) and rather than concentrate on the task at hand my mind wonders and guess where it goes?
I find myself "catching" these thoughts and squashing them in addition to saying a related prayer. This seems to help.
My "trigger" room is my office at home, so since I can't get away from it, I am changing it....lightening up a bit with pastel wall art and curtains, plants, candles and I am awaiting two more pieces of wall art...The Serenity Prayer and a related inspirational one.
I have a difficult time initiating acquaintances with other women, having the initial fear that I will be bothersome in some way or another. However, since I started working with my sponsor, I have been "assigned" to call another woman in the program in addition to my sponsor every day, and to ask another woman whom I felt spoke about something I appreciated at meetings I attend. I was kinda floored at first thinking that I would never stick with this, but I have tried it a for a few days now and it really is not that difficult! Once again, we are not the only ones going through this, in which I find much solace!
I am 51 days sober now, and things finally seem to be settling in a bit. I was in rehab for 26 days, and that was a big help. After leaving there started doing my 90/90. I didn't want to rush into a getting a sponsor because I had one last year that did not work out for me and kinda left a bad taste in my mouth, about sponsorship and AA as a whole. However, I felt myself slipping spiritually and mentally, so I knew it was the right time to ask someone that I trusted. I had this person in mind since being in rehab, but again, didn't want to make any quick decisions and wanted to keep my ears and eyes open at new meetings.
Hope this helps! You have friends here, especially if you get lonely!
My sponsor had me do the same thing with the phone calls....It's a good practice actually. I guess in a way it shows what length you are willing to go to. I also became good friends with a lot of the names I had on my list. Simply by showing up. It's kind of funny....Maybe others here have had the same experience....I can't even count how many meeting lists I've put my name and number on....And I've never had one call. That's in three years in the program. I've come to the realization that there are two kinds of people in AA....The ones that are around it...And the ones that do it.
Thanks for the support everyone!
Today is 52 days sober. I went to a meeting this morning and then did a ton of errands. I bought groceries to make a casserole and it took like an hour to prepare before I put it in the oven. Sure hope it tastes good. LOL. I've kept myself really busy today, doing things I like to do (like shopping!)
The casserole is almost done baking, and I just thought that I was missing something... The wine. It was bizarre how quickly that thought popped into my mind. And then a moment of panic when I realized I don't drink anymore.
