I was just curious that when something happens which causes me to have a resentment, should I pray for God to immediately remove it, should I write it down and outline it the way I did my other resentments and then pray to God to remove it? This is something which I won't need to make any amends for as I didn't have a smartass comment and was very nice despite the fact that I was feeling very uncomfortable and embarrassed...a neighbor was very condescending to me and felt it was his place to educate me on the meaning of a word, even when I told him I knew what it meant he smirked, and as he was walking away, said he would explain it more to me later. (When I was younger as well as sometimes into my adult years, I got teased, laughed at and corrected so much about either mispronouncing words or using the wrong words in conversations.) I still am praying to remove any Character Defects that I have and can tell a difference in that I seem not to be letting as many things get to me, but I am not "perfect" yet However, I realize that it is going to be part of life for things to happen and I just don't want this little thing to fester into this bigger thing in my mind.
Oh wow! This used to be one of the most touchy things for me. Touchy? No....let me rephrase that. It always totally pissed me off when someone would insinuate that I'm not very smart......or, lack intelligence and education. Well, as you might guess, situations like this ended up on my Fourth Step inventory list many times over. And, in the end, I discovered that all those resentments always led back to my big EGO. (Pride) You see...the trouble was, nobody ever thought I was as smart as I thought I was. Nobody ever thought I was as important as I thought I was. It wasn't their opinion of me that was the problem. It was MY opinion of me that was the problem. Yes....it's true: All roads of resentment always lead back to the Ego.
My suggestion is, go through the written inventory process for resentment in the Big Book instructions. If you look at it honestly, I'm certain that you'll find Pride at the bottom of it....if you're an alcoholic of my type.
Some things are not worth getting upset over....and its ok for the other person to be wrong :)
I don't have to convince them...that they are..
AA has taught me to let a lot of things just run off me like water...
There are some..that Ide like to slap upside the head and boot kick their asses to Mars...I do it in my mind...look up...and let it go..
I deal with the public...and have had a few that wanted to create hell...and Ive had to use my weapon cane in my van.. to convince them that its better for their health if they just shut the hell up...but that's a last resort..
I keep using the saying 'How important is it? and The best reaction is no reaction
This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code
before I ask God to remove it, I have to know what I am asking Him to remove.
After a little more thought, there's a bit more that I can tell you. From my experience, as your Pride is gradually replaced with more and more humility, you will become more and more at peace with yourself just as you really are. Your human limitations won't matter as much to you, or be an issue to you anymore. You'll find yourself defending yourself less and less. As Pride goes away, peace of mind and heart increases. We never get perfect, but it's a hell of an improvement.
Wow! I've been out most of the day since posting this trying to help another alcoholic. (this is definately NOT easy work and I found myself feeling very "not so intelligent" and not having enough wisdom which seems would be needed to help in this situation. Prayers went up beforehand and all I can do is the best I can do.
Anyway.....my schedule got a bit tossed around but that's ok. Came back and am so grateful to all of you for all of your responses. I really appreciate it so much!
And you know something I just realized why typing this you all......I had completely forgotten about my little problem which bothered me this morning when I got that phone call from another alcoholic. And it is really very tiny a thing and I am very fortunate compared to so many other people. So I can continue to pronounce "author" like "Arthur" , "salmon" like "salmon" and I don't have to worry about people who want to correct me on that or trying to educate me in what such and such is.....as long as I am sober I'll be ok.
Thanks again and I am going to take all of your "advise", as it was all very good. (Just kidding...I will take all of your advice.)
BTY
Great thread BTY, and very good responses ... I've said it before ... for the most part now, I refuse to 'rent space' in my head to others who are bent on making me miserable ... I can only get a resentment if I allow it ... so for today, I try practicing our principles in all my affairs and it's amazing how little, those irritating people bother me ... I let that sh*t go in one ear and right straight out the other ... no more 'room & board' for those trying to destroy my ways of doing things or attacking my personality traits ... I could not care less what they think of me ... none of my business ...
Give your mind something else to think about, ... it's much healthier ... and a side benefit is, you don't have to go around making amends so often ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Again, wonderful responses. I had to really hold myself together to get through the meeting without crying as I was just so concerned about this poor soul. I really haven't given much thought at all to what happened this morning with the neighbor and actually got a smile on my face just now thinking about my reaction (which again, I kept to myself). I do have to say that this neighbor was a heavy drinker however, not in AA. I am not sure what his drinking habits are, as we don't "hang out" with him and another drinking neighbor we had been visiting back when we were drinking. He was bragging about all his houses, his new business and I had just woken up and was on my first cup of coffee and we were outside. He told us he has an assisted living business. Well, I cannot even remember what I said, as I was tired, and he started explaining what an assisted living home is. I'm 53 years old and I know what ALH's are and when I told him, he just kept on and on. It is like he enjoyed the thought of doing that I am grateful that I am not drinking and possibly living in one of them anytime soon. I am happy for him and his success. (Ok, Ok...gotta work on the dishonesty part.....I did feel some jealousy and/or envy...I want to be happy for others successes however, want some for myself, too ;) I wasn't crazy about the bragging or correcting me this a.m. but again such a silly, minor thing when I compare it to this woman who I went to see and wondering if she is going to be alright.
I realize this will be a lifelong thing with me taking inventory, making amends, etc. I cannot ever get comfortable and think that I don't have to improve myself in certain areas. I actually look forward to doing it. I have seen so many changes in me and am eager to continue to see how much more God wants me to change. I'm not steering that wheel anymore, I've run off the road too many times when I've tried to be in control.
Love that "rent" quote Pappy, and it's going to sink in I know. Gotta take that "Vacancy" sign down in it first though. It's been hanging up in there for years
Yes, stepchild...I hope she comes back into the rooms. It was hard to be around a drinker again. Totally depressed me (hope that doesn't sound selfish of me). Whenever I do start sponsoring I need to be able to remove myself emotionally so it doesn't tear me up so much.
Zoomtopz....what a gorgeous picture and my mom used to tell me when I was in school that the older I got, the less it would bother me what people said. Unfortunately, that didn't work on me because when people would say things to me, the more I would drink and it took me so very long to realize that it was the drinking which was making it bother me so much worse. Now, with AA's help, it is amazing how much doesn't bother me. I know I post different things on here which make it sound like I am still such a walking talking mess. However, if I were to post all the many many things which happened which had an effect on me every day, you guys would cringe even more when you see my posts. (Ok, still need work on the self-esteem, I know)
I'm writing a lot. I'm telling this, because it's helping me. And with writing I can go back and see what I've been thinking before 7 months for example and to have good laugh.
When it happens in the day - I just start praying and feel that God gives me strength to not react. It's important for me, because I "love" to react - to complain, explain (protect myself because of the fears that I have). So it is the hardest thing to not try to defend myself (no matter how - explanations, self-pity, "angel eyes" and flirting, arrogance and blaming, judging and so on - its always about fear and dishonesty) and I really need my Higher Power. So at the moment - I'm just trying to not react and praying.
In the end of the day, when I'm writing I watch the whole situation. Why I felt pain or anger and so on. Sometimes I found that I've just been tired and hungry. Sometimes its not about the exactly situation, but about old idea - If someone doesn't look me on wight way, he/she's hating me. Its chronic. Xax ...
But I'm trying to see what God wants me to be - not be touchy and to take everything personal. It's not about me. - That's hard, because everything and always is about me. Xax .. but I'm trying just to see my part - I have enormous expectations from others to treat me the way I want to treat me and when I want. I'm getting manipulative (dishonest) to get what I want and its hard for me to let go this. But I'm praying a lot and trying to not touch the hot-plate. Because If I am in situation to manipulate to get what I want, it's like alcohol. I'm just trying to run like from a hot flame - even in moments to look ridiculous. Now I prefer to be in situation and to run (if in the moment I haven't got sanity to act like adult) and to look ridiculous, but just to not do the old thing, because it is this that's killing me. Old things - old ideas, old ways and if I'm practicing them, they are not old xax and to be patient. God will show me what I need to know and with the time I'm going to learn. And the learning is happening with practice.
However, I realize that it is going to be part of life for things to happen and I just don't want this little thing to fester into this bigger thing in my mind.
