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Post Info TOPIC: I Cannot Control Anyone's Drinking Except My Own


MIP Old Timer

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I Cannot Control Anyone's Drinking Except My Own
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I gave a newcomer my name and phone number and she gave me hers after a meeting. This has been a hard thing for me to overcome--giving my name/number and actually picking up the phone and calling other alcoholics to see how their day is going. I have had to do it though. I called the woman and invited her to a meeting I go to reguarly. She said she couldn't make that meeting and had excuse after excuse why she couldn't attend. I had it in the back of my head that she started drinking and thought it was very suspicious natured of me, and to not think those things. She did come to a meeting a few days later and said she had relapsed but was sober. I could smell the alcohol on her as she talked. She wanted to know if I was going to go to a meeting the next night and I told her I was not planning on going to it, however, if I knew she would be there, I would be there. She called me 15 minutes before the meeting started. She couldn't make it....again excuse after excuse.

I called her the next day to see how she was doing. I had to leave a message and she never returned my call. My sponsor said it was her move to call if she wanted to. I have worried about her all week. (This is unrelated to my previous post, btw.) It is a shame. I've been where she is and hope I never go back. Very sad.



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MIP Old Timer

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I drank till I was beaten and couldn't take the beating anymore BTY.
Sometimes that's what it takes.

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When all else fails...Follow the directions.



MIP Old Timer

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Some make it..Most dont

Its a Live and Let Go thing



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What a kind heart you have xxoxoxoxo I will keep you both in my prayers.

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xxoxoxoxxooo Love & Peace


MIP Old Timer

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Very true Phil....I was talking to a guy that does a Big Book workshop I attend. They offer us two choices in that book. Seems like it would be an easy choice.

To one who feels he is an atheist or agnostic such an experience seems impossible, but to continue as he is means disaster, especially if he is an alcoholic of the hopeless variety. To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face.

pg 44

An alcoholic of the hopeless variety....That's us.

Doomed to an alcoholic death?...Live on a spiritual basis?

Doomed to an alcoholic death?...Live on a spiritual basis?

Doomed to an alcoholic death?...Live on a spiritual basis?

Apparently it's not as easy a choice as it looks. 



-- Edited by Stepchild on Friday 18th of April 2014 06:08:12 PM

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MIP Old Timer

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Its astounding..that out of all those who start attending aa...that only 3 Percent make it to a five year mark..

You have the ones that have had DUIs...others that are court ordered..those that are there to keep their families together..those that are there trying to get a wife back..those that are sent by employers..those that are riding a fine line..those that are trying to cut back..those that want IT..but want to do it their way..those that are hung over and swear that they'll never drink again..and the list goes on..



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MIP Old Timer

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I think that's the one thing about AA that baffles me.

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MIP Old Timer

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There's another thing that baffles me....since I have been sober I have seen quite a few newcomers who come to meetings and start sharing right away. And some will come for only a few meetings, some alot of meetings and then not come back. It is like they just spew all this stuff out (I don't mean that in a bad way) and go on and on about how grateful they are to AA and the people in AA. This woman was one of them. As I previously posted on this board, it was very hard for me to share. Besides being quite shy, I just wanted to listen. I am not trying to say it is a bad thing for newcomers to share at meetings and I go to a couple that announce if newcomers would like to share in the last 10 or 15 minutes to do so if they desire. Once in a while I do share now. I pray before I do and ask God to give me words to share if it is meant for me to and to help keep my mouth shut if not. There is not a lot of time for shares and we usually have quite a few members. I just want to say something which will be helpful to newcomers and not share because I am just wanting to "talk". I still would rather listen to people who have longer time than I do staying sober.

(Oh, I have done most of my "spewing" on this board.



-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Friday 18th of April 2014 08:05:41 PM

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MIP Old Timer

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You're doing it right BTY....I've seen a lot of people come in and talk about the program...And never doing a damn thing to work it. It's pretty common. I shared at my second meeting...I said...I'm an alcoholic...And I need help. That was it. I think it was about 6 weeks into it...I worked my fifth step....Done six and seven and was getting ready to start my amends that I started to share. I actually had something to offer.....Where as before....All I knew about was getting drunk.



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MIP Old Timer

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My experience is that all we can ever do is extend the hand of A.A., and be there for them when they're ready for the solution.  That's what all those kind and loving old timers did for me.  Whenever I see new people showing up at meetings, and then disappearing for weeks, and then showing up again, I know that they're still working Step One.  It's what they have to do....and, it's what I had to do as well.  Our job is to keep the doors open, and just keep extending our hand.

Mike D.



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MIP Old Timer

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I'm pretty sure it was Stepdude that said ... AA was a big problem in the beginning, ... "I was 'afraid' it would really work" ... ... ... so it was with me ... I wanted to 'control' my drinking not 'STOP' ... ... ... and it wasn't until alcohol literally brought me to my knees that I conceded to step 1 ... and AA was the way out for me ... I can only pray for the others that don't make it and hope they won't die before finding this way of life ... LIFE WILL go on regardless ... but at least I'm part of life now, not just a 'bystander' ...



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MIP Old Timer

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You know....come to think of it..the other times when I was in AA and didn't make it to 30 days I think it was because I was afraid it would really work as well. I didn't really want to quit drinking for the rest of my life and have to do "work" to have that happen. Guess enough bad hadn't happened to me to convince me I didn't have to continue living that way. I know it is mean sounding, but when a newcomer comes in there and starts sharing on and on and says something like "I got this" I feel the urge to cross talk and say "No you don't, now shut up and listen and maybe you will." OH NO! I just realized that I sound exactly like a person who has actually done that to newcomers who share their drunkalogue and say they don't know how they can ever quit." (I don't attend that meeting any more and one of the reasons is that I found the oldtimer who said that very rude and out of line and the chair never corrected that person. I was worried it would actually keep newcomers from coming back to the rooms.)
Guess I am just so worried about them I am getting a bit senile myself. These are certainly not nasty behaviors that I want to keep (being judgmental of others, intolerant, unloving, etc.). I need to remember what Mike D. said. I don't want to be like that person that never claps when relapsers come back into the room and pick up another white chip. I will pray for myself.

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