hello, I'm wondering if I'd be considered an alcoholic. I drank in alcoholic fashion, to astronomical proportions from ages 18 to 23, then because of an accident, slowed down. Over the next 5 years I stopped. I also was taking part in another 12 step program during those 5 years, and I believe application of the steps there helped in my stopping drinking. My dad's an alcoholic, and I didn't want to turn out like him. I haven't drank for 13 years, however due to a difficult time in my life recently, I thought about relieving the pain with alcohol. I didn't, but I've had people ask me if I consider myself alcoholic. I really don't know... I've heard of people in the program who haven't drank for YEARS but still refer to themselves as alcoholic... so I guess I'm wondering, if someone isn't actively drinking, what other criteria is used to define oneself as "alcoholic"? Thank you, Mary
There are a couple of checklists with questions to answer to help you determine if you are alcoholic. I think one is on the main page of this site, another is on AA literature. I am not sure if you would be considered alcoholic,,, but I do know that if you are the child of an alcoholic you definitely are an Adult Child of Alcoholics (ACoA) and that has a complex of problems in itself. So as well as possibly being an alcoholic yourself, you can benefit from the recovery program for being affected by the alcoholism of your parent. In either or both cases recovery is possible, and the 12 Step programs are very helpful for a lot of people and not only alcoholics.
welcome to recovey,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
This is a discussion I had with my kids a few years ago. My most destructive drinking was done between 14 and 20. My girls were born a year apart and I started trying to stop after losing a child prior to their arrival. I was able to stay stopped during my pregnancies and while breast feeding (while doing it for someone else) but the moment it came back to doing it for me I was back out there knocking myself around, and each bout was becoming progressively destructive.
The following few years were a nightmare, as I would stop for a while, think I had a handle on things and then just lose the plot again. I found AA when my girls were 5 and 6. They are now 11 and 12. They remember little of the struggles. Al-Anon and Alateen were a big part of our lives too, and really helped me in the first few years. I needed to do a lot of work as an adult child of alcoholic parents, and really look at my choice in terms of marriage partner in order to come to a place where I could really look at me. It was far too easy for me to slip into blame, and I couldn't get real (or expect to experience any real sobriety) until I let go of that.
When my girls asked me why I still call myself an alcoholic now that I don't drink - I figure that's a fair enough question... I told them that it's not that I just don't drink, it's that I can't drink. The moment I slip back into any delusions about me and grog being mates, that's the alkie in me having a go. And it happens. Sometimes I just get so damn sick of dealing with twerps or life's apparent injustices, that I will re-enter a momentary madness. I might think... "Bugger all this, I want an out." (or similar words of momentary weakness). That's when my 'program' kicks in. Bit by bit over the years, my brain has been reprogrammed to respond to those thoughts.
Nowdays, the same little girl, who full of grog would stand up and fight the biggest meanest baldest biker dude in the pub, now fights a different fight. It is quick, it is painless and it starts with words that run something like this... "Whoa there! We admitted we were powerless..." and I am flooded with memories of what that means to me. Then I get on with living life.
As an adult child of alcoholics, we struggle with our place in life, I think. (Not just within the family of AA). When you grow up with alcoholism, and maybe as I was - given alcohol and uneccesary medications from a young age, it all gets pretty cloudy. It is hard to work out who is responsible. Grog seems to have been such a part of our life for so long, because it just plain was. As a kid, I wasn't responsible. I was doing what kids do - trusting my caregivers to do their job. But somewhere in that mixed up world, I started making decisions for myself, and it was no longer someone else telling me to do things. It was me and my disease.
I can't tell you if you're an alcoholic or not. I remember bringing a young girl to a meeting. She was 17, and some high faluting know it all, suggested she couldn't possibly be alkie, because she simply hadn't had time to experience full blown alcoholism. The truth was her time abusing alcohol was short and she was actually a heroin addict. To stay off the heroin though, she had to admit to her first vice... the thing that she picked up first to address the progressiveness of her addiction. That was grog. As much as we try to share our stories they are evolving by the day and by the minute.
Our lives are our own. We share piecemeal what we learn piecemeal. If you are concerned about your drinking, then you may be alcoholic, and might need help. AA is there. If you're not drinking and feel you can stay stopped, and someone else's drinking is causing you pain, Al-Anon is there. Each twelve step program has it's own purpose. The only answer I can offer you is another question: What is the actual problem?
An old timer told me a long time ago before I sobered up that if One thinks they are an alcoholic, that chances are, that they are one. Only you can answer that one honestly within yourself.
There are so many different people that go so many different paths with alcohol.
Also --it isnt the amount that you drink, or when and where, or for what reason.
Its what it does to YOU.
Ive met and know many, that classify themselves as social drinkers, but admit they have all the characteristics of an alcoholic.
Ive met people who at any age or any profession classify them selves as social drinkers, but at certain times in their lives, for whatever reason, they have temporary bouts of alcoholic drinking. Whether it be a week, a month, or 5 years.
Anyway-its your call. Noone else can make that call for you.:) I dont have all the answers-just sharing some of what Ive learned through others. You have a good night. Phil
Just an article that I found interesting:Am I an Alcoholic? by Sam Folk-Williams
The question comes up from time to time. I often wonder if I have a problem when I'm lying in bed at noon the morning after a night at the bars, feeling like I just died, or when I'm walking back to my dorm at 3:00 a.m., dizzy, stumbling, and gushing. In some respects, I think it's silly to ask myself if I'm an alcoholic every time I wake up with a hangover--I mean, if everybody who woke up on the weekend with a hangover was an alcoholic, then everybody I know would fit the bill. But sometimes I'm not sure if I'm completely in control of my drinking. So, how do I know if I'm addicted to alcohol?
First of all, there are a few distinctions to be drawn. According to the National Institutes of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (U.S.), there is a difference between being addicted to alcohol and abusing alcohol. Both can be more or less serious conditions, and both have their own symptoms.
As a first step to determine if you have either an abuse or addiction problem with alcohol, the NIAAA suggests asking yourself the following four questions. In some respects, these questions might seem like a joke--and you've certainly seen them before, probably in a health-education class in high school where you felt like you knew more than the teacher. Still, they can be useful.
Do you ever feel like you're drinking too much, or that you should maybe cut down?
Do people you know ever question or criticize your drinking? Does it annoy you when that happens?
Do you ever feel bad or guilty about your drinking habits?
Do you ever wake up feeling like you need a drink to start the day? If so, do you have one first thing?
It's important to note that the NIAAA says if you answer "yes" to a single one of those questions, you might have a problem, and if you answer "yes" to more than one question, you almost certainly have a problem. Well, at one point or another during the past two years, I could probably answer "yes" to all of those questions. Do I have a problem? I don't think so. However, the fact that I could answer yes to some of those questions definitely led me to look into the matter further.
In addition to the four questions, there are other common symptoms of alcoholism and alcohol abuse. If you are even slightly concerned about your drinking, and if you answered "yes" to any of the questions above, think about these other attributes common to alcoholism:
Do you ever feel a strong craving for alcohol? Some people crave alcohol the same way they crave food when they're hungry.
If you have one drink, do you find it hard to turn down a second? Many people with alcoholism can't stop drinking once they start.
If you go a few days without drinking, do you ever feel nauseous, sweaty, shaky, or anxious? If so, do those feelings go away when you resume drinking?
Do you have a high tolerance for alcohol? Many people who suffer from alcoholism have to drink a lot before they get drunk.
If you answer "yes" to one or more of these questions, then you're exhibiting some of the more telltale signs of alcoholism. However, it's still important to keep things in perspective. According to the NIAAA, having one drink every day for women, and two drinks every day for men is perfectly normal, healthy behavior. They also say that in the United States, about 14 million people have some kind of "problem" with their drinking (that's 1 in 13 adults).
The signs of having an alcohol abuse problem are different from the signs of alcoholism. The signs of abuse lack the high tolerance, physical dependence, lack of control, and craving that are typical of alcoholism. Instead, people who abuse alcohol are likely to, say, miss class or neglect schoolwork because of drinking. They may also do things like drive drunk or show up to work drunk, continue drinking despite repeated legal problems (like DUI tickets), or continue drinking despite relationship problems (like, your girlfriend or boyfriend gets mad at you for drinking but you keep doing it anyway).
One interesting fact is that people who have an alcohol-abuse problem probably won't show the symptoms of alcoholism, but people who are alcoholic may well show the symptoms of alcohol abuse in addition to the symptoms of alcoholism.
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
I would say that if you are asking the question or the thought that you may be an alcoholic has come to mind, then there is a good chance that the answer is yes. Alcoholism isn't just about consuming vast amounts of drink, it's about the attitude to the drink and weather you or the drink is in controll.
Some people can do occational social drinking.
Some people can't, and are alcoholics. We come here instead!
Best wishes whatever your conclusions are.
Chris.
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
Hello all, thanks for your replies - I really appreciate that. One thing, among several that stood out for me was that I have, about 5 times during the last 4 years (average 1-3 times per year) gone out and "social drank", stopping at the most, 3 drinks. I did feel it was undercontrol, and I guess it was in a way because the incidents were at least 6 months apart. So there was no binge or puttin' one on, except 3 years ago at new years eve (one of the 5 times). But what bugged me about a year ago was I bought a bottle and had it at home, and that seemed to be okay... until I like it up there too much. It took me about 4 months to drink the bottle of wine, however, it was comforting on some level to know it was there. I pretty much termed these bouts as social drinking, no problem. The part that makes me wonder though if I do have a problem is, like I said, when a little while ago I thought how nice a drink would be to relieve my pain through a difficult life event - and that hooks in to what a couple of you said - why was I wanting that drink? It wasn't social this time. It was relief, like it was way back when I'd drink in my early years. And I thought how nice it felt, that "warm glow" when I did have those social drinks. So... there is a part of drinking for me that does relieve anxiety, stress. And so, I wonder, am I just fooling myself here thinking I could control it if I ever did take another drink... even if it was just "social", that nice "warm glow" is unmistakabley life affirming - at least for the moment, later followed by regret. Even if the "social" drink is "harmless" and I don't get hammered, is it possible it's planting that seed for future binges. I know that's what I was thinking when I thought about the drink this time for relief - it would just feel better to feel better. Easy way out. So, what is the real problem, as one of you asked me? It's wanting to control and fix a horrible situation that's scaring me to death (custody/visitation battle over my son, father's recently came into son's life, son resents), worrying obsessively. That sounds like co-dependent/ACOA issues to me, and I have started attending meetings which are great. I just wonder if there's a part of me, however, that doesn't want to admit to being alcoholic... but that's where I truley am searching for another definition of alcoholic, other than active drinking... I don't want to deny a problem that could be there for me. As far as if drinking is the problem now... if I use it to fix, relieve my pain and anxiety, then, yes, that's the problem too. I'm thinking I could attend ACOA/CODA meetings to address the wish to control and obsessive worrying... but again, I'm wondering if I'm denying possible alcoholism. I know when my friend asked me if I considered myself alcoholic, it freaked me out, because automatically I identified that with my dad, and I always swore I'd never do what he did. Yet, I've done that in my life. So here I'm wondering if there's some issues I need to work through to get to the point of admitting alcoholism, or if it's really not an issue for me anymore. I think I do have an issue somewhere, because just the thought of me admitting I'm an alcoholic/a person who can't drink, brings up all this shame in me, and fired up anger and rage, saying, "I will NEVER be like my father!! Hell no I'm not an alcoholic!! He is! I'll never be like him!" It would be like I'd just be the worse person if I were alcoholic, because that's what I grew up hearing and seeing. But then I look at my life, and I did drink as an alcoholic in my early life - it was serious, really bad. My accident is what woke me up to the fact that I was turning out like my dad. So now I look at that time as a sort of life lesson... but me, no, I really don't have a problem with drinking. But what if in truth I do? What if I do use it to relieve my pain, anxiety and stress? Even if I haven't done it for years, it's still a "pleasant" thought, or alternative. God I hope I'm not boring you guys who might still be reading this at this point, but I really do have to work this through. What if I did take that drink to feel better, and actually I would have, maybe even gotten drunk, I don't know, except I'm dating a man who doesn't drink, and I thought there's no way I'd want to have to explain this. Had it not been for him, I would have. So does that make me an alcoholic? I don't know where I would've stopped, had I taken that drink. I just don't want to be hiding something from myself. So when that person asked me if I was alcoholic, I honestly said I didn't know. If anyone out there would like to comment on this, in any way, I'd sure appreciate it. Thank you, Mary
I have a ToooooTooooo(StuffedAnimal) named Rex.
This morning Rex and Me ate a whole box of Chicklets and Mom got pretty pissed. Didn't matter what she said... I had a mouthful of gum and could not reply.
It happened like this: I pull a chewey square out of the box and offer it to Rex. He politely says 'No Thank You', so I say 'Ok' and put the chewey square into my mouth. So on and on we went piece after piece till the whole box had found its way into my mouth. T'was a sweet rush till Mom entered the kitchen and Rex and Me were busted.
Does this mean I am an Alcoholic?
I am 56 years old the son of a severe alcoholic, I am a chronic binge drinker on weekends, I have been abusing alcohol for years, sobered up once between New Years and St Patrick's day. I was 25 then , I do not drink everyday like my father , I work 2 jobs my wife can no longer work, I go from one job to the next one half hour in between, I leave the house at 530 am and I return at 2 am , take shower go to bed. I do this 3 days a week. I never considered myself alcoholic until I did research. I have been struggling with anxiety and depression in between binges which have been going on for 35 years at least. I never got an OUI but I should have, but honestly I have left vehicle at bars and walked home on many occasions, or slept over other houses also, my judgement was not the best in the first place, but if I was not an alcoholic I would of left bars after 2 or 3 like normal people or would not be the last one to leave parties . I was the king of denial, I am a functioning alcoholic no difference between non functioning alcoholic, actually we are the dumb ones working with hangovers. I found out a lot of functional alcoholics; have the same type of personality they ignore the truth and continue onafter each mister they pick themselves up and dust themselves off and hope no one is looking.Alciholics are tough , resilient, smart, stubborn people with misplaced pride. I am one of them , I truly wish my father explained the truth about alcohol and and genetic consequences of being the offspring of an alcoholic. I am doing that to my children today, I do not want them drinking my family tree is a bottle of Jameson, it's branches are Budweiser and it's roots are fed with moonshine.
The problem I have been pondering is , I thought for all those years I was normal. I am not normal, before I had my first drink I was an alcoholic, I could out drink people 3 times my weight, then I would make sure they were ok; get them home and continue on. I have been doing this for 35 years , until I read an article about children of alcoholics. All my brothers are alcoholic, and my poor sister is a chocolate eater, it's par for the course, she made a hell of a designated driver at the family malfunctions. I just realized I wasted my life drinking at one time I graduated college, a Mathematics major at a very good school. Today I am a union laborer day truck driver at night, my friends who graduated college with me have fantastic jobs, great lives, they drank but we're not alcoholic, I am Alcoholic, I just want the binge drinkers to know, if you binge on weekends every weekend , you are alcoholic, stop lying to yourself and get help before you are my age. My friends are all getting ready for retirement I have to work until I am 70, if I stay sober between then and now it will not bother me, if God graces me with health I will take the opportunity to tell all the binge drinkers the truth. I showed my son a picture of a brain at 17 years of age and one at 22 , with 5 years of drinking the frontal lobe was scarred and all impulses are controlled through the frontal lobe. He was shocked. I think he might end up missing the insanity gene I inherited, I hope so they say it skips generations sometimes, but I am not taking the chance, I am going to educate him and my daughter, they are beautiful children, they all are, you just have to be honest with them.My main point is if you are thinking you might have a problem, you probably do, you do not have to be in a gutter to be alcoholic.
). That's when my 'program' kicks in. Bit by bit over the years, my brain has been reprogrammed to respond to those thoughts.